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    #1

    What am I doing wrong?

    I tell myself that I?m not going to drink. I feel strongly about it all day, but when I get home, I get weak and start with just one which then turns into another and another and another. It usually happens when I?m making dinner, I become the Galloping Gourmet. I?ve thought to make dinner for the whole week like on Sunday to avoid being in my intoxicating kitchen, but I can?t even commit to that. I?ve been coming in here since the beginning of May 2008 and was hoping for overnight results.

    Last night when I was on my way home, I was already planning my evening and drinking was not part of it. The plan included going straight home, change clothes, get back out and hit the bike path for some exercise. Of course it didn?t go as planned. I ended up cleaning out the fridge, making dinner, ?sipping? on vodka & lemonade, and ended up watching TV (still ?sipping?) until I fell asleep.

    What strategies could I use to avoid falling prey to this? I?m at a loss right now and can't order supps until next pay period if at all.....

    Is there anyone that has conquered this vicious cycle? How can I calm the drinking down without supps? maybe a different routine? I feel like I need a shock collar for behavior modification.

    lease::helpme:
    SuperBernie
    Tags: None
    #2
    What am I doing wrong?

    Superbenie,

    So glad you are here! If you are not obligated to go directly home after work, why not bring your exercise clothes and bike (if possible) with you - change and go directly to the bike trail. If bringing your bike is out of the question, then bring clothes and good tennis shoes and go to the walking trail. Hopefully exercise will release some positive endorphins in the brain and your thinking will be different when you return home, much later than usual. I would then go directly to a bath - stay out of the kitchen, if at all possible.

    Vodka was my drink choice, also. I was here from July of 06 and have just obtained sobriety within the past 2 mos. The fact that you are aware and desire to stop is sooooooooooo positive.

    Much Support! Best
    "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

    Comment

      #3
      What am I doing wrong?

      Don't give up!

      It is a matter of changing routines and behaviours, really. Not to mention the having that mighty 'will power', too.

      Not many people get it right the moment they join. Many may do well for days/months and then they may slip - we are all different.

      We are creatures of habit, and it is the habit we need to change. If you are a cooking-drinker, could you order in or maybe just prepare foods that don't require cooking for the first couple of days? If you can get through the first few days, it gets easier. I remember last year when I went just over 5 months AF, it was the first week that I was absolutely going squirrelly. I ended up cleaning everything, pacing the floors, going out for walks... spent a LOT of time on here.... Anything other than buying the alcohol.

      I never bought the supplements from this site. I took vitamins that I had already and started changing up my routine. I forced myself to get outside and start walking. I always found that when I got back home I felt a sense of accomplishment, although it may seem small.

      Just keep on trying. Keep convincing yourself that you are totally worth this and deserve to be happy and healthy! :l

      Comment

        #4
        What am I doing wrong?

        SBernie: I answered this questions partially on the daily thread a few mins ago. A few things to add: I try not to have any booze in the house. If I'm having company, I usually ask them to bring it & encourage them to take it home. This works for me, because my husband hardly drinks at all.

        The drinking/cooking/chore connection was a strong one for me. If you can refrain from doing a habitual activity 21 consequetive times, the habit really begins to break. It had gotten to the point where I couldn't begin cooking or cleaning (esp. if hubby wasn't around), until I opened a bottle of something. Now that I've cooked & cleaned & done yard work sober many times, the habit isn't nearly as strong. The first few times are the hardest. That's where not having booze in the house comes in.

        I'm not perfect. I've had slips, binges, & relapses, but I've also had more sobriety here than I've had in years. I'm older (63) & had plenty of years to build up the bad habits.

        Good luck, Mary
        Wisdom, Courage, Strength
        October 3, 2012

        Comment

          #5
          What am I doing wrong?

          I'd agree with changing your routine and not keeping alcohol in the house so it's not waiting for you when you get home. If I have booze at home, I drink it - simple as that.

          Stock up with soft drinks - juices, fizzy stuff, tea, whatever you fancy - so that you have something else to drink while you're cooking.

          Don't get despondent! Habits that we've built up over years might take a while to break. Just keep plugging away. Rome wasn't built in a day...
          sigpic
          AF since December 22nd 2008
          Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

          Comment

            #6
            What am I doing wrong?

            I always made dinner with a glass of wine or two; then more with dinner; and more before I went to be everynight. It became a habit, a habit very hard to break. I do so well for a while, then something happens and I go back to my old routine.. I too am working on how to break it. I am much better than I used to be, but still where I am wanting to be at. It's an everyday thing. I try to keep in the house my favourite drinks besides wine; Pelegrino with lots of lemons and limes, cola with lemon..anything.

            Comment

              #7
              What am I doing wrong?

              Yep, what everyone else has said. Some really great ideas here! I, too, used to drink while I cooked, and when I did anything outside. It really is important to realize this won't happen overnite! But time really passes quickly. You've got to change your routine!! Cahnge your drink, and change what you do when you like to drink. In my case, some things just didn't get done for awhile. i had to be totally selfish and just do what I needed to do. (listen to hypno cd's, come here......) you can do this!
              _______________
              NF since June 1, 2008
              AF since September 28, 2008
              DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
              _____________
              :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
              5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
              _______________
              The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

              Comment

                #8
                What am I doing wrong?

                thanks so much - I'm gonna try again. I've asked my sister to meet up with me at the bike path tonight, so now I HAVE to go no matter what.

                modifying this behavior is so difficult. maybe i should develop a mantra or something to chant in my head to remind me not to touch the drink.
                SuperBernie

                Comment

                  #9
                  What am I doing wrong?

                  I just want to echo what the last 3 posts have suggested. Get all the booze, in all forms, out of the house completely. For me, as stated above, if it's in the house, i will drink it and drink it until I am drunk. Simple solution. No booze in the house, no drinky, no get drunky.
                  "uch: When you kick youreslf in the butt, all you get is a sore butt and a tired foot"

                  Comment

                    #10
                    What am I doing wrong?

                    well everything has been said so i just wanted to say hi there and stay strong .you can do this
                    peace and god bless
                    :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                    best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

                    Comment

                      #11
                      What am I doing wrong?

                      Oh, and yes.............. by all means, not having any alcohol in the house is a HUGE help. I guess I didn't think of it earlier because, if there was any in my home, I would have drank every last drop! :l

                      Comment

                        #12
                        What am I doing wrong?

                        What I do

                        When I feel myself getting weak I grab my bible and drown myself with GODs word. Thats where I find my strength. You have to make a decision to stop and stick with it. When you have that craving remind yourself how you feel after, and how you want to stop. It has to be for you and no one else. You are going to have to realize that you cant do it alone. Seek GOD and you cant go wrong.


                        In CHRIST BearJr.
                        "'And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of GOD.' Romans 12:2"

                        Comment

                          #13
                          What am I doing wrong?

                          Thanks Bear Jr. -
                          which Scriptures would you recommend? I am so open to that but wouldn't know where to start.
                          SuperBernie

                          Comment

                            #14
                            What am I doing wrong?

                            i was also a cooking, dinner, after dinner drinker...I didnt think twice about opening a bottle of wine while cooking.
                            I agree about getting rid of the booze but something else that has really helped me is listening to CD's when i get home from work before doing anything else. It calms me and slows down my thinking which is mostly obsessing about drinking. Exercise is another activity that distracts my old routine, so yes if you can take your things with you and go directly to do exercise instead of stopping in at home.
                            The supplements will also help you so i hope that you can purchase them when you get paid, i take kava which i think is like Calms (i think that is what they call it) in the early afternoon just to help me not get too anxious. You can buy most of them at your local health shop which is cheaper - but i think it is important to have them especially in the early days.
                            Hope that helps!:l
                            Good luck and know that it is a tough habit to break we didn't form it overnight and it definately won't go overnight either. Hang in there and good on you for trying.:goodjob:
                            I am the author of my life.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              What am I doing wrong?

                              It is a great thing that you asked your sister to meet you at the bike path as that way you are held accountable by someone else waiting for you. You will most likely show up sober. Way to go and don't be to hard on yourself. It happens to everyone. You will do better when you get your supps for sure. It takes time.

                              :welcome:

                              Have a great day!
                              FROGZ~

                              Comment

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