May 21, A Daily Check-in

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I know what a populated forum this one is & thought I'd check in & say hello. For a long while, I was only checking into one thread per day, & I really needed more so early in my recovery (day 6 today). I was going from slip to slip, from binge to binge, & from relapse to relapse. I now feel a sense of resolve that I haven't since I went on my first long AF run last summer & fall.

For me, recovery is mostly in my head. I do take my vitamins & try to eat right, but staying sober is a day-to-day decision (sometimes minute-to-minute) that I must work on constantly. For me, I must:
-Push all romantic notions of drinking out of my head & picture the reality of slurring, blacking out, hangovers, etc.
-Keep no alcohol in my home (I was a solitary drinker).
-Clear up conflicts & issues expeditiously.
-Keep busy doing other things.

If I don't do this (regardless of how wonderful I feel about being sober), I will drink again.

Thank you so much for your time.

Mary

[Ripple]

May 21, A Daily Check-in

Oh dear its day 3 for me and I am fine, i rather stay off the wine...between poodle and not sleeping well again its just not worth it the way i feel today! boo...

[cowgal]

May 21, A Daily Check-in

hard

I am having a hard time right now, just drank AGAIN last night, stress, an unsatisfying counseling session w/ husband (unproductive basically) and just feeling like escaping, drove me to buy 2 beers last night, at least I stopped at 2, but I am so fed up w/ my married life, counseling is not helping at all, just costing alot of $$..........:upset::upset:...........I just feel so hopeless, sorry to be a downer, I am planning to stay AF today, but who knows what willl happen by the end of the day, I may drink again..................not planning to though...

Everyone have a great 21st................

MA:l:h

[Cinders]

May 21, A Daily Check-in

Mary,

It has been since May 8 that I had my slip. Thank God I did not let it turn into a binge.

However, as I fly in and out of airports, check into hotels, etc, the urges are so strong sometimes I want to scream. Even though I know giving in would make me horribly sick. I drank once on the Antabuse and trust me, you do not EVER want to do that!

While the Antabuse is a great deterrent, I know it is only a tool to help me. I must work daily on those triggers and those thoughts that my brain keeps trying to sabotage me with.

I am going to continue going to AA meetings as well as log into MWO and read and post.

If I were to quit taking the AB, there is no doubt in my mind I would be right back at it.

By Heavens, though, even if it takes years, I am going to win this war.

Love,
Cindi

[happydog]

May 21, A Daily Check-in

Thinking thoughts going on in my head.

Hi Retteacher,

Thanks for opening this daily check in thread.....Anyway Im on 37days af i know its still early days i keep on thinking when im i going to plan my next drink I keep holding out and waiting hoping that this thought will go away. The only way i can describe this thought. It like when i had worked full time i use to always plan my sick time off work, when i was not sick because i felt like i worked so hard i deserve time of work...
Well its a bit like with the drinking but i know if i start to have that one drink that i feel like i deserve that reward i know im going to feel really bad inside myself and guilty as hell.
Its like coming back to work after not being sick and everyone says to you glad to see you back and well again and i would feel really bad because i was NOT sick in the first place.
Has anyone else has that way of thinking.

I hope this makes sense.

Love
Teardrop.x

[retteacher]

May 21, A Daily Check-in

Teardrop: I know exactly what you mean by deserving. I'm trying to find new ways to let down my guard & relax wo/involving wh. wine. There is nothing that compares w/the first few sips, but the aftermath is just not worth it.

Cindi: No wonder alcohol has been referred to as "demon drink." It has a powerful grip...I'm just hoping that at some point in my future, I won't be thinking about it so much.

Take care of yourselves everyone. Love, Mary

[rustop61]

May 21, A Daily Check-in

Hi everyone

Thanks for starting this thread Mary. Because I have been so busy, hospital visits, kids etc. I have only been checking in briefly to one or two threads - not a good idea. Today's date has special significance because it's my daughters 14th birthday, a tough one since loosing her Godmother on May 8th. Stress is one of my main triggers and I can so identify with the deserve a reward idea Teardrop.

I am trying to get back on track again after slipping over the funeral period. I cannot numb out this grief. Luckily I'm driving tonight so I know that for today I will not drink.

Rustop

[Bambi]

May 21, A Daily Check-in

Hi to All and everyone to come,

Ahhh, the rewards system is my down fall, that and stress and boredom. I will drink when I am stressed or just at home bored. I too drink alone, not good. I have done many 30 AF day stints and even a couple 90 day stints. But then I get to the point where I feel I deserve a "free" day (reward) and drink it away, not even trying to moderate. Thus the cycle begins again and again.....I am now on that cycle again, trying to get off.

Together we can do this.....
Happy Wednesday everyone!
Hugs, Bambi

[retteacher]

May 21, A Daily Check-in

Bambi: Together we can & will do this. Mary