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    #1

    Sat. May 23, Check-in

    Hi Everyone: It isn't quite 12 midnight, but I'll start this thread anyway. I've been here at MWO a little over a year & though I've had some ups & downs, I've experienced many sober days (unfortunately puctuated by a few slips & binges). I'm working very hard at establishing a sober life & becoming a non-drinker one day at a time.

    One of the benefits I've noticed about becoming sober is that my tendency to isolate myself has diminished greatly. What could be more isolating than drinking alone? I had allowed my relationships w/friends & relatives to stagnate. I didn't even want to speak to my husband or children about anything meaningful, because I carried around so much shame. I took any opportunity I could find to stay home & drink alone.

    I'm not exactly shy, but I'm not an extrovert. I have to work at sociability. When I first started drinking, alcohol really helped me in social situations. As I became a problem drinker, then an alcoholic, the drinking hindered me. In social situations, all I could think about was when I could pour myself another drink. The drinking alone caused all sorts of mental agony.

    These are the types of things I must remember when I start to think that it would be nice to have a drink once in a while. I just can't do that. With the first drink, I'm off & running, & it could be days before I come out of it.

    That is not a lifestyle I want to return to.

    All comments or insights are welcomed. I think about everything I read here.

    Mary
    Wisdom, Courage, Strength
    October 3, 2012
    Tags: None
    #2
    Sat. May 23, Check-in

    Hi Mary - I'm about a half hour behind you here. I'm glad to see you here in general. I know your intention is AF for life, not just 30 days. Mine too. I was never a binge drinker, just an every night drinker. But I am sure given a few more years, this disease would have progressed some more.

    It's funny how temptation comes just out of the blue. I was just out and about today, doing some grocery shopping, and standing forever in checkout at Wallmart. And suddenly I thought, I sure could use a glass of wine - I could buy just one small bottle, and no one would know - and I had to really do mental battle with myself to talk myself out of it. And I know it was because I was tired (still battling this insomnia thing) and hungry. This Wallmart has a MacDonalds in it, and I stopped and had a quarterpounder with cheese meal. Not fine dining, and sort of a trashy meal, but better than a bottle of wine.

    I still had to force myself to walk past the liquor store when I went back to my car. And I was very aware of just how many liquor stores we seem to have around as I was driving home. But - I didn't drink. And when I got home, I was so glad that I hadn't stopped.

    My hubby called tonight to tell me that his uncle had died today. He was 86 years old, and had scores of relatives - it will be a very big funeral. And will mean we will be spending several days in the town we used to live in, which was a place I couldn't wait to get away from! So this will be another test of resolve, I will have to be on my guard.

    Have a good day, Mary, and all to come.
    The furture lies before you like newly fallen snow - be careful how you tread it, for every step will show.

    Comment

      #3
      Sat. May 23, Check-in

      I have had the same experience as you, Reteach, in terms of socializing. At first AL was a big help-- for many years, but after a while, AL took over and became a hindrance,. It is great to rediscover a social life sober--

      but I think it's Friday today.
      Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

      Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

      Comment

        #4
        Sat. May 23, Check-in

        Mary, Hannah, Beatle and all to come,

        I agree, drinking has caused much isolation for me. In my line of work it is important to drink with the client when they want to socialize with you but one must always keep their guard up and never become drunk with them. What a difficult task that was these last couple of years!!

        Many times I would carefully sip my wine and chat, thinking the whole about the bottle(s) of wine up in my hotel room waiting for me.

        At home, I would drink openly, though, and I am so ashamed to admit that all of my grandchildren know and recognize that Granny would get drunk sometimes. omg...

        I actually talk openly about it with them, now and tell them Granny has a problem with drinking, that some people do and that I must never drink.

        One time my granddaughter caught me with a bottle of vodka (this was a few months ago) and her little brown eyes welled up with tears. Her granddaddy had told her that if Granny kept drinking, she couldn't come over anymore because I wouldn't be able to take care of her. She was 5 1/2 at the time.

        Whenever I think about just "giving up," I remember that angelic little face and the tears. That is one of the memories that keeps me going.

        Love,
        Cindi
        AF April 9, 2016

        Comment

          #5
          Sat. May 23, Check-in

          I know what you mean. I used to use al to socialize because I was so shy. In later years I became very isolated with my drinking because I didn't want anyone to see how it made me act. Funny, you do it to act a certain way and then the tables turn. Anyway I have had some stretches of af and am learning to socialize without being so frightened. I still do not like to talk on the phone much but am working on that. It seems strange that little things like that can be so difficult. I went to lunch with 2 af ladies the other day and this is something I would never have done . I am also going up to people and initiating conversation which is also new to me. These are small steps that hopefully are helping me to learn how to live af, but unfortunately I am still up and down with it. bird

          Comment

            #6
            Sat. May 23, Check-in

            I too used to use alcohol to boost me up in social situations and I never drank alcoholically until about 5 years ago. Then I drank alone at home where it was safe and nobody would see me. I lost touch with many of my friends and only saw my family during the daytime because by 5:00 I would just have to be home for that wine!!! What an existance. I hated it. I still slip from time to time but my AF days are adding up and I enjoy the early mornings again. I've missed alot and life is too short to miss out on the good things.

            Love and Peace
            When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
            -- Franklin D Roosevelt --

            Comment

              #7
              Sat. May 23, Check-in

              First I want to mention that I got my days mixed up (yes, I make mistakes sober too)...it is Fri. not Sat. I loved all your comments. I can see how people use alcohol to ease into social situations...I, unfortunately do not have that luxury.

              I think a lot of my isolation was due to the shame of drinking alone & in secret (unlike you Cindi who are open w/it). Even when I was somewhat sober (you're never completely sober when you drink every day), I had just poisonous thoughts running around in my head all the time.

              Thanks for the comments. I really appreciate them. Mary
              Wisdom, Courage, Strength
              October 3, 2012

              Comment

                #8
                Sat. May 23, Check-in

                Hannah: Isn't it strange when the urge hits? I too sometimes use food to quell the temptation. Thank goodness you didn't give in. The very, very temporary high would have been replaced by a lot of disappointment. M
                Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                October 3, 2012

                Comment

                  #9
                  Sat. May 23, Check-in

                  HI ALL.

                  Yep i'm a home drinker, i notice when i do go out my eyes are bigger then my stomach. when it comes to AL.... Just could not stop and always the last person to leave..

                  AL just drains me completely.....shuting myself away sleeping on and of during the day feeling tired just need another top up sherbet(drink) to get out of myself to stop me from feeling tired but that does not last long THEN the whole think repeats itself all over again the next day.
                  Having a long stretch of AF days i notice i feel wide awake and feeling happy in myself. Dont want that good feeling to go away!

                  Thanks for this thread mary does help me.

                  Love
                  Teardrop.x
                  family is everything to me

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Sat. May 23, Check-in

                    Morning all. This morning I am so, so glad I didn't drink last night. I am sitting here feeling good, I have taken the dog for a walk already, I have someone stopping in for coffee, and I am going out again this afternoon - none of that would have been fun if I was hungover, and feeling guilty to boot.
                    The furture lies before you like newly fallen snow - be careful how you tread it, for every step will show.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Sat. May 23, Check-in

                      My husband just brought home a bottle of wine & six pack for our dinner tonight w/friends. If I get through this AF, I'll feel like I really accomplished something big. Mary
                      Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                      October 3, 2012

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