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Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

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    #1

    Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

    Well, I am not doing so great right now....

    I have been going through some difficult times this past month. I had some health problems which resulted in surgery. I had my gallbladder and appendix removed. Before this I was in a lot of pain and was once again on pain medication, which is not good for me. It always brings out my desire to drink. Well I did. I drank. I feel horrible. I started drinking before my surgery and then was on the pain medication for a week after and started drinking again. This past week has been bad for me, I was drinking every day. I drank around my daughter, which I never did. I justifyed it and was hiding it again.

    I have been overly stressed about work, too. It is slow and I have had to work harder than ever, going back to work three days after my surgery - on pain medication. I was supposed to take off 10 days. The stress of the surgery coupled with the stress at work was just too much and I gave in.

    My daughter is over at her friends sleeping over and I feel like it is because she doesn't want to be here. We have had some great times lately, so I think we are OK, but I just feel really bad that last night I drank and she asked me if it was OK and I manipulated her into thinking I was OK to drink again.

    I will talk to her tomorrow and tell her the truth, but I feel like if I don't come here and tell you that maybe I won't stop now. and I HAVE to. I DON'T want to continue. I feel so terrible when I drink and I feel like all my old bad personality traits are surfacing. I don't like this person and I feel like she wants to be here. I am better than this.

    I have to beat this and I need your support. I am going to start over with my counting days. I feel like I have to. I don't want to call this a small slip because the desire to drink is very strong right now - I think because of the stress.

    I am off the pain medication and hope that my head will clear now.

    Thanks again for listening to me and I will be here to check in each day.

    Namaste,

    MM
    Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

    I also stopped taking my TOPA a month ago.. I started taking again tonight... I stopped going to see my therapist and my accupuncturist, both of which I will start back up this coming week. I haven't been meditating or exercising.. I will meditate in the morning and I start back with my trainer at 9am tomorrow. I should have seen these warning signs...

    I will NOT go back.. I will go forward..
    Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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      #3
      Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

      Oh Mama get back on the TOPA...right away...i have been a bit bad myself! Difficult times can do it...so easy to fall off pattern..You know wot to do dear one..I was a mess last week..get better, okay? :l

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        #4
        Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

        MM--
        I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time!:l I have been wondering about you, I knew you had surgery. Sounds like it's time to get back on that horse and get healthy again. You are a strong person, and you know what to do. You should only feel bad if you give up and don't try! Stress is a killer, if the stress itself doesn't get us, the things we do to deal with it will. You know there are better ways to deal with the stress. Take care of yourself first--do your meditation, massage, whatever you need to do.

        I'll be praying for you, ok? :h

        Feel free to pm me if you want.
        _______________
        NF since June 1, 2008
        AF since September 28, 2008
        DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
        _____________
        :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
        5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
        _______________
        The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

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          #5
          Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

          Thank you so much!

          Oh, and I can add my divorce into that mix.. I also ran into my STBX at a party with his new girlfriend last weekend, that didn't help. This is a party that we attended for the past 7 years together. In bad taste that he brought someone - I was suckerpunched in front of 75 of my closest friends.. nice guy.

          Well, at least I know I am making the right decision.

          BTW - I am way cuter and now 20 pounds thinner... so there!
          Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

          Comment

            #6
            Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

            STRESS, it is a mean culprit, the source of all my downfalls (and, incidentally the excuse). And, together with double surgery-- not a good combination.

            I had my gall bladder out and everyone said it was going to be so easy, such a minor operation. Let me tell you, it was NOT. I also went back to work after 3 days, high as a kite on pain relievers (I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed without them). It took at least 3 weeks for the pain to subside. And guess what, alcohol is a great pain reliever, too.

            All this just to say your slip is more than understandable. You know it, and you know you are going to punch it right back to where it belongs. We are all here for you. You are tough MM, and this is nothing you can't lick.
            Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

            Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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              #7
              Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

              MM.... You know how I care about you! Sounds like you have a great plan. You need to get rid of the guilt, though. Daughters sleep over because that's what they do. Are you playing old tapes? You are a role model here and always will be because you are fantastic! Throw that guilt out the window and move on. Tiny little wrinkle in the bedsheet. Wipe your hand over it and it disappears! I'd like to hear about the therapy. Addiction points are at the top of the ear, but my understanding is that if your are actively involved, they should not be stimulated.
              sigpic
              Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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                #8
                Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

                Hi MM, sorry you are having a difficult time, but you have through a really rough stretch. Since my foot surgery last month and my injured tailbone, the dr put me on Vicodin. I didn't take it when I was driving back from TX, but let me tell you it ramps up the need for alcohol big time when I took it in the evening.

                We have a dr in the family who advised me to take up to 6 advil every six hours with food instead of the Vicodin.

                Hope you feel better.
                Enlightened by MWO

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                  #9
                  Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

                  MM, I just posted my slip on the 30 dy. thread....I feel your pain....and I panic also when my daughter even thinks I've been drinking, she's very, very on my hinney if she thinks I overindulge...she probably just wanted to go to a friends, its a holiday weekend, and you know, she was probably there 10 mins., and isn't even thinking about you having a drink right now, they aren't as paranoid about it as we are I'm sure...my daughter is 22 tho, and she gets mad at me if she even thinks I've had too many. I totally understand, and agree that we lapse on our healthy routines, and good habits, and that's when the AL sneaks up on us and bites us in the butt. Stress will let you slip. You have certainly had your share! I too got out of my routine, and I'm sure thats why I let my guard down too....We know what to do, and we will do it...I hate that "me" too, the out of control, OMG, what have I done person...I love the sober me, I will get back on track with you...we just have to shake this off, we can't dwell on it, that is counter-productive, we know that too, it just serves to make us feel less empowered! Love you, try to get a good nights sleep, and tomorrow will look better, promise!
                  "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

                    MM and TNT, you are living my life. I'm so sorry. Get out while you can.
                    Noelle sez "Do want you like, like what you do. Life is Good."

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                      #11
                      Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

                      Noelle, you are going to get out with us, you are only a failure, if you quit trying, never forget that! We can and will do this, we are all smart, caring people, who deserve to treat ourselves better, we can do that with support right here, we can and we will!
                      "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"

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                        #12
                        Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

                        Hi MM,

                        So sorry you have been going through all of this.......I know how much your sobriety means to you. I also clearly rememver how bad the pain meds are on you, they are on most of us! You have a lot of sobriety under your belt, sweety, that is not lost to you. You have had a set back, that happens sometimes. Please do not beat yourself up too much. You can and will get back on track!

                        You know I am here for you 100%.......if you need to talk, just let me know. I am sending you strength, and love.

                        XXXXX Kate
                        A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

                        AF 12/6/2007

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

                          Tit, I know this whole thing with Bear hit you very hard......along with other things that have been extremely tough. This alcohol thing is a real bitch! You have a lot of sobriety. I know that you know what you need to do. Just know that you have not failed, until you give up. You must not and will not give up! You know that you have my complete support.

                          Much strength and love to you,
                          XXXXXKate
                          A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

                          AF 12/6/2007

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                            #14
                            Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

                            I know that both of you, MM & TIT are very strong women! You both have been through quite the ordeals, individually.

                            I have no doubt that you both will be back on track, if you aren't already! :l

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                              #15
                              Hi.. It's Med Mama.. and I'm not doing so good...

                              Hi MM just wanted to let you know I am here for you. Glad you let us know what is up.


                              Sammys

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