on a binge

[SuperBernie]

I read everyone's posts and see how successful some are and wish i could be one of those success stories. this morning i thought to myself "why even go in there anymore, if you wanted to stop drinking you would have done it already". i was fighting with myself. I feel like giving up. part of me wishes i was someone else. part of me wishes i was a kid again. i don't like being me anymore. i don't like having to have a drink to deal with my life. so many things to do, so many emotions i have chosen to numb. i can't even cry anymore. maybe because i'm so darned dehydrated.... i started on this binge and i will probably continue. i don't want to feel sorry for me. i'm pissed off at me that i can't stop. i want to but i can't. my side hurts today. my poor liver. i just want to sleep under the warmth of the sun. this morning i thought about running away from home with my dogs... just me and my dogs. where to go? i don't know. just away from those 4 walls that make me feel like drinking so it can feel like a happy place. away from the daughter that hates me. just away... this is all going on in my head. i'm at work and i have to put on this professional face but i'm dying inside. someone here knows something is wrong though because she asked me how my evening was.. i can't tell her what i tell you guys. i just can't. i have to fix this. i broke me so i have to fix me but it's so much to do and i'm unsure if it's even worth it at this point. my heart is racing right now, my throat is so dry and i'm sure i will suffer from anxiety soon. i really wish i wasn't me.

[betty boop]

on a binge

Superbernie .......... take some deep breaths ........ the anxiety will pass ........

Drink lots of water ..........

You will get through today I promise ........... do you plan not to drink tonight???

BB xx

[SuperBernie]

on a binge

betty boop;334261 wrote: Superbernie .......... take some deep breaths ........ the anxiety will pass ........

Drink lots of water ..........

You will get through today I promise ........... do you plan not to drink tonight???

BB xx

my plans are not to drink tonight. i can't stay home because then i feel like drinking to make the evening go faster and "smoother" so i might hide out in a bookstore or maybe even walmart or anywhere to keep my mind off of drinking. all it takes is one to get me going until whenever. i don't want to live like this anymore, but i always fall back on what i say. i am a lion with no teeth.

[Cinders]

on a binge

SuperBernie,

I have absolutely, positively been where you are right now. I know that most of the MWO site has been where you are right now to some degree or other.

Do NOT just give up. Nothing will get better and you know it.

Consider where you are and where you want to go. Make a good plan. One you can actually achieve, baby steps all the way, and start out.

You can do it, and when you do, you will come out at the other end of the path feeling so much better.

Hang in there,
Cindi

[Accountable for Me]

on a binge

:l Bernie.

So sorry you are struggling. You have to keep on trying. I know I had to try a couple of times before I could get the courage to start and stick with it. (keeping my fingies crossed)

Baby steps.

Please stay out of Walmart. That place will drive even the non-alcoholic to drink. :H

[Tiny]

on a binge

Bernie -- I was you 2 days ago!!!! too wanted to escape wth my dogs ... something clicked for me today -- come along wth me and let's go through this together!
Two dogs out to beat AL!!!!!!

[SuperBernie]

on a binge

i wish i lived with supportive people like you guys. i don't know you, but i love you for being there and being there without judgment.

if my dogs could talk, that would be kinda creepy, but maybe they would help me get it together.

my side hurts.

[WA]

on a binge

Bernie....you have a pc..this means you live with us now...sending love
Jacqui xxx

[Guest]

on a binge

Binges have a natural way of coming to an end. Just wait til that happens and take strength from it.

[petpeeve]

on a binge

Bernie, so sorry that you are so down, but seeing you keep posting is a positive aspect of all of this....your doggies don't need to talk, they know what you are going through, they sense it and they love you unconditionally..........i agree, take some deep breaths, drink lots of water and maybe go out for a walk if you can to get some fresh air and see how really beautiful it is out there....i hope you feel better....

[Ripple]

on a binge

you need a VACATION...SuperBee! :bee::bee::bee::bee::bee:

[Noelle]

on a binge

Bernie...stay with us! You're not alone with your feelings, please believe me.

[petpeeve]

on a binge

I second that!!!! But can I come along?????

[boozehag]

on a binge

Bernie
I am sure you dont really hate yourself. You just hate the you that cant control the alcohol. So many of us have been there believe me. I was there only 2 short months ago and even after 30 days AF I felt like I had been given the gift of a new life. Maybe this is your moment of no return when you decide AL has had enough of your life. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it is only a few AF days away. Get yourself hydrated again and start today once you get a few AF days under your belt you will be able to see it with more perspective. We will be here for you.
BH

[bestlifeldms]

on a binge

Oh Bernie,

I'm so sorry you feel like you don't want to be you. When I say, I feel your pain, I mean it. I felt your pain. I also felt like, "What's the use". I had been here since July 06. I would make some progress and then back-slide, only further down the slope into the depths of despair. None of us know what that specific thing, event or person, is that will make something in us CLICK, to say "No more!". But if we keep trying to succeed, the potential for the moment is still there! My moment came in April, nearly 2 years after I became a member here. We never know. Thank God I didn't give up. Please don't give up! Tomorrow may be your day! Keep going! Be kind to yourself!

Hugs, Best