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    #1

    when the positive becomes negative

    my blood tests came back ok...
    i cant fet booze out of my mind , its like blood im ok for a few days then i need it
    most people drink to get away from themselves i drink to know myself
    no matter how healthy i am whatever realtionship i am no matter how many councellors i see its always going to be there
    forever
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    #2
    when the positive becomes negative

    That's great about the blood tests, Jay. If it was me, I'd probably crack open a bottle to celebrate ha ha ha-- but really, we all do know how you feel. Just look at the thread by Brittzak, "Maybe it's just me but do you just get sick of it??"-- everyone is sick of fighting it everyday, feeling like it will never go away, no matter how long you keep away from AL.

    Also, I too thought I drank to know myself, and in fact I believe I did, but after a while, it kept me from developing. How much can you know yourself if yourself becomes stagnant?
    Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

    Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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      #3
      when the positive becomes negative

      ....but is it that you don't recognize yourself without the buzz? Has it gone on so long that this is who you have become? ... This is what I'm fighting right now.

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        #4
        when the positive becomes negative

        Hey jay good news about the blood tests. Forever is a long time, bloods been around a lot longer. Well before alcohol anyway (me stating the bleeding obvious again lol). We all know a time when alcohol wasn't part of us I can still remember that time. All is not lost buddy. You cant drink to know yourself thats the ultimate illusion you can only be sober I believe before you can go down that path then glimpses of youre self start to appear. Nothing to me anyway makes sense when under drink. Confusion reigns its a thick fucking fog . Again glad the blood tests came back good more guts than me!!! too scared to go to my doc and have them .Still battling shouldn"t be preaching sorry
        Love
        cap

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          #5
          when the positive becomes negative

          I agree with Capt. Remember what it felt like to be the little you before AL was an issue.I am a hypnotherypist and I have done alot of regression work with people whos lives are stuck because of trama.It can be a great tool.Maybe you can find someone to help you remember who you really are.You are much , much more than just a person who is addicted to AL.Get help and you will see that this is TRUE !!!!! You are in my prayers , EVIE
          sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

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            #6
            when the positive becomes negative

            Well said Capt... You are so wise...
            Jay, I'm glad for you that your tests came back good... Good Stuff !!!

            ~ I hear a whinny on the wind~

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              #7
              when the positive becomes negative

              thabnks for the replys . alcohol is a fact i mean its there . but its not the real me its just a cover for whatever i cant get out emotionally etc. i do belive in past lives . and i ive always thought my problem lyes 1 in ealry childhood and 2 some thing that was unsolved or unfinished in anther life .

              best wishes
              jay

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                #8
                when the positive becomes negative

                Hi Jay,
                I did an online personality disorder test and scored very high on the dependant personalty disorder. It makes so much sense - I think many of us has something like that. The pain of being a needy type of person is huge. I suppose that is why I am doing my best to drown myself with alcohol. Now at least I know what is wrong and I can tackle the al problem with this knowledge.
                All the best.
                Jessie
                make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.

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                  #9
                  when the positive becomes negative

                  Hi all,
                  So Jessie, what online personality disorder test?
                  I am sure there is something wrong with me!! Ha!
                  Jay, I bet if you took looked at a book on Enneagrams, you would be a "Four."
                  Like me! Just a guess. Look if up if you want, I found it helpful in understanding myself.
                  I really don't know about past lives, I have done regressions in my past, and I don't know if that is real or me making up a story in my head. Someone recently told me I was a 'sensitive' and I was absorbing other people's energy.
                  I don't know.
                  All this 5htp and St Johns Wort makes me not even liking a sip of alcohol.
                  Anyway, this is an interesting thread.
                  Lila

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                    #10
                    when the positive becomes negative

                    Glad to hear about the blood tests. It does seem like a constant battle, especially early on. I just found a journal from last summer. I was taking all the supps, listening to the hypno cds, checking in here regularly. My goal was moderation. I was shocked to see 5 days in a row of no drinks, 2 days of only 2 drinks, then 4 more days of no drinks. I remember I was feeling pretty good, and although still thinking about it obviously, I did not feel consumed. Then the journal stopped. I was having hassles at work, feeling stressed, ran out of supps, had "no time" for the cds or here - and we all know the story and now I'm thinking about it all the time again! Had to go to a movie the other night and sit through it twice just to be somewhere I could not drink. But it will get better. Something else I found in my journal was bits of inspiration from readings. This is from Rachel Remen: "Only those not enslaved by something else can follow the goodness in them." "Only people who become free can serve God's holy purpose." Maybe we are afraid of our goodness and purpose? Or think we haven't found it? She also talks about working with an alcoholic (she is a counselor) who came to believe that her struggle with alcohol had a deeper meaning, that it was her way of helping restore goodness in the darkness and might be her life service. If I could keep looking at it that way even the daily struggle would have meaning. It will get easier, hang in there.

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                      #11
                      when the positive becomes negative

                      did that personality test i hit high on aviodant (ive been diagonosed with a personality disorder anyway) .....
                      also
                      schziod and borderline

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