Bottom Theory

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: There is supposedly a bottom I have to hit in order to get pushed into recovery. A bottom could theoretically be high, medium, or low. I don't like to think I have a high bottom just because I haven't lost a job, crashed a car, gotten arrested, &/or become homeless. To me, that's an open invitation to drink again using the excuse that I might not have really hit bottom or that I might not even have a drinking problem. I feel that I must admit to myself that I have hit bottom. I won't be able to stay sober until I do that. I must admit that my bottom is:
-drinking large bottles of wine in one day (frequently).
-blacking out.
-hiding alcohol & drinking alone.
-losing my integrity.
-sacrificing my happiness.
-etc.

In order for me to stay sober, I must keep looking at the bottom so that I can stay on top of it. I don't want to go any lower than I already have.

Mary

[Loppy lugs]

Bottom Theory

Everyone has a different bottom.

I had two, the first was brought about by the demise of one of my mothers friends. She had always been bubbly, full of life, creative and generally fun. Until she lost her soul mate and husband. Then she felt she had nothing and the bottle became an increasingly large part of her life until finally it killed her. I started to see so much of me in her......

The second was when I decided to give up for a while and physically couldn't, sod the mental stuff.

So all that scared the living daylights out of me and sent me scuttling for the doctor.

I hope that the memory of it keeps me on the straight and narrow.

[Janice]

Bottom Theory

My bottom was last November.....nearly 5 months after losing dad, both kids at uni, husband away a lot on business, home alone........and being in bed one beautiful autumn afternoon knocked out with prozac and when I was awake, feeling such despair, loneliness and sadness. No, I don't want to go back there.

Janicexxx

[brittzak]

Bottom Theory

Everyone has a different bottom. You know when you hit yours. Losing my job, my home, my kids, would be underneath the bottom for me.

[charlee]

Bottom Theory

I didn't lose a home, a job, a loved one, get arrested, crash a car or anything else that would shock be into reality thinking "what the hell are you doing". I was sucking out at life period. On the outside, I was functioning at a minimal level, no one knew or could see how much effort it took to get out of bed, get dressed, go to work, cook a meal, or clean the house. It was a physical and mental push every waking moment...until I got to the point I could function no more. I remember taking a few days off from work, waiting for hubby to leave for work turning on the computer, and playing solitare from 7 am until he arrived home. I never moved, I never took a pee break I was so dehydrated, I could not move from the computer....Everything was shutting down on me, my mind, my body.
As my evening witching hour was upon me the shakes were getting uncontrollable.....I was sinking farther and farther and withdrawl symptoms were setting in...I was finally convinced by my friends in chat (I will never forget that night) to take the remaining booze I had left and chuck it down the drain. It was so hard, my body needed it so bad, but I could not face waking up the next day and going through this zombie like state again. This was living???...I decide to let the chips fall where they may, knew I was in for a rough time...but I was ready. I hit my bottom....My fears came true, a rough next couple of days to follow. My plan was to just take it ODAT, I made no promises..... I never want to forget that day or that night..ever...Thanks to this place and my friends in chat that night I changed my life forever. I will be 7 months AF next week. I too, don't ever want to go back there!!!

[Evie.Lou]

Bottom Theory

Hitting bottom to me was when I realized that I had lost my self respect.I never drove drunk or even went out in public drunk so I do not have any horror stories that could force me sober,just a private self emposed HELL of self hatedred.That was finally enough for me to say NEVER again.I will do anything it takes to make that be TRUE !!!!!!EVIE

[AAthlete]

Bottom Theory

Mary, this is a good thread - thanks for starting it.

My bottom was the very real possibility of losing my family. I had been trying to stop (MWO, AA) but it hadn't really hit home that I needed to do this. My wife came home from school one night about two months into it, and I had passed out on the couch while my son was watching television. Needless to say the next couple of days were difficult....

The next weekend was a family birthday party for him and my wife started crying. When I asked what was wrong, she told me she was scared that this would be his last bday party together as a family. There is was......rock bottom.......

I went upstairs, hit me knees, and haven't had a drink since. As others have said, everyone is different, but that is what did it for me. Now I can sit at home on the weekend with my son while my wife is away for a girl's weekend and not even think about or want a drink. What a change, and I know thank God for me finding my bottom (I have a former neighbor who never could find his and it will probably end up killing him).

[treeman]

Bottom Theory

Hitting bottom arrived slowly to me.

Drinking to dull my emotions and passions so that I could be the husband that my wife wanted. Conforming to a lifestyle in which I didn't feel comfortable.
Finding out that I only had a few real friends. The others were "drinking buddies"; same stories, same discussions...........no growth.
Finding new friends based on honesty, listening and real conversation. I was talking to one on the phone after work and had drank 1 beer. She asked if I was allright, that I sounded different somehow. THAT was MY BOTTOM. Someone that I loved and respected noticed a difference after one measly beer.

I can never go back to that life again.....

[vinophile]

Bottom Theory

Oh Mary.......Thank you so much for this thread as it is a real issue forme. I have always convinced myself that because I hadn't hit "rock bottom" that I was, perhaps, not really an alcoholic after all. Of course such thoughts would always precede a wine-filled evening.

We know that drinking, if it doesn't kill us certainly eats away at our very being.
No matter how low you have dug into your own hole, you hit rock bottom when you decide to put down the shovel.
I'm putting down my shovel before I go any deeper.

Janet

[lilnev]

Bottom Theory

(Vinophile; Janet):

"No matter how low you have dug into your own hole, you hit rock bottom when you decide to put down the shovel."

That's one of the more profound things I've heard captured into a single sentence. Tribute to you when I use it as a sig line on other forums.

peace and hugs,
lilnev

[jessie]

Bottom Theory

Hi Mary,
I could have written the post myself. Every single sentence. What most destroyed my self respect was the lies I began to tell to hide the drinking. I think that is very much bottom.
Jessie

[FloridaBoy]

Bottom Theory

There is supposedly a bottom I have to hit in order to get pushed into recovery.

You hit your bottom when you found this site and now your are on your way out. Keep climbing don't look back but never forget where you have been. It's a marathon and the reward is getting your life back.

[retteacher]

Bottom Theory

I'm not looking back. I absolutely do not need to go any lower. I don't want to just exist. I want to have a joyous life. Thank you everyone for sharing.

Another bottom for me: Pushing through life w/a hangover. I was a functional alcoholic. Now, I don't want to just function...I want to live. Mary

[dexterhead]

Bottom Theory

evielou;336169 wrote: Hitting bottom to me was when I realized that I had lost my self respect.I never drove drunk or even went out in public drunk so I do not have any horror stories that could force me sober,just a private self emposed HELL of self hatedred.

Evie has said it best for me. Being imprisoned by Al and losing touch with the best parts of myself are my bottom. Thank you, Mary, for this post.:h

[cmhguy3]

Bottom Theory

Great thread! For me it was realizing that if I continued on the drinking path that I was on I would "hit the point of no return"! Drinking is a young man's game, and I played it very well thru my 20' and 30's, but I am 43 now and functional or not I know that if I continue I may not hit that bottom before it is to late. And that realization my friends was my bottom!

Guy