I put together a bullet point list to see how many of us can relate to how we were brought up. And, our current situations. I also seek to lend some rest to those who think they are alone, but are not. I am not alone. I have you people to keep me strong.
? Times were tough growing up, big families and big bills kept us constantly on our toes. We had to help Mom but we also felt responsible for Dad and our brothers.
? We lived in constant fear never knowing what we?d face when we came home from school? would they be ?just drinking?, ?almost over the edge?, or ?stone cold drunk??
? We weren?t sure if we should duck and cover, stand and face, bend over and take it, or just do what we had to do for the younger ones in the family to protect and shelter them.
? We learned to clean, cook, sew, laundry, dust, vacuum, shop, do homework, and help the younger ones with theirs in addition to our own. We also learned how to ?read? our parents?. And we always knew when it was time to just disappear down in the basement or attic to avoid the yelling.
? We learned to soothe and comfort our younger and older siblings? saying, ?it?s okay, it?s okay?, even though we knew it wasn?t okay.
? We learned to hide the bruises from our faces and bodies and refused to dress out for gym sometimes, even in the face of getting an ?F? for not dressing out, because we had to protect our parents or risk Foster care.
? When teachers did discover bruises and scars, we covered and made excuses.
? We learned fear and uncertainty with each and every day that we came home from school.
? We learned what it felt like to yearn to be the kid across the street and long for stable parents, a good home life that included of all things: Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Imagine that. A real meal.
? We learned to lie for our parent(s).
? We learned that we?d never be anything; that we were doomed to fail because we were the spawn and the product of our environment.
? We learned to find unlocked windows that lead to roofs that lead to stars in the sky that we could look upon and feel free, if just for a moment.
? We learned that ?you never talk to the neighbors about what?s going on?, even though we KNEW they knew what was happening.
? We learned that the only person you could trust in the end was yourself.
? We learned the value of hard work.
? We learned the value of a dollar.
? We learned to love and nurture those who are like us.
? We learned to trust others that understood.
? We learned that you ?will only get what you work for?.
? We have toiled.
? We have cried.
? We have beaten ourselves even though we do not deserve to be beaten.
? We have learned to care for others more than we care for ourselves.
? We HAVE cared for others more than we care for ourselves.
? We have come to believe that nobody sees, and nobody cares for us.
? We have resolved ourselves to be successful at all costs.
? We will always work harder, faster, longer, and better than our best counterparts.
? We have resolved to find the one solace, the one friend that can help us numb ourselves? And, this entity is not a person, it is a thing.
? We numb ourselves.
? We beat ourselves, even though our abusers are far away in the grave.
? We have set the bar very high for ourselves, even though we know in our heart, mind and soul that this high measure can never be reached.
? We drown ourselves in misery and sorrow and beat ourselves because we just can?t get to that ?brass ring?. That ?brass ring? was something that our parents told us we?d never reach because we were shit.
? Today, we have children of our own. We molly coddle them, we love them deeply and our greatest fear is that they follow in our footsteps; which are the footsteps of a generation long ago.
? That generation might have been the ?greatest generation? but they were unprepared to live as examples of love, kindness, goodness, faithfulness or godliness..
? As we grow older, we realize that there is no such thing as perfection. We know this yet we beat ourselves unmercifully over not being perfect.
? I still love my parents.
? The hardest part is getting to where you can stand in a mirror and look at yourself and realize that ?you? did not do this to yourself; it was taught, and you are imitating behavior, that?s all. They loved alcohol and so do you.
? Learn to love yourself as much as you love your child(ren). God loves you as his own and loves you like His own.
? Let go.
? Times were tough growing up, big families and big bills kept us constantly on our toes. We had to help Mom but we also felt responsible for Dad and our brothers.
? We lived in constant fear never knowing what we?d face when we came home from school? would they be ?just drinking?, ?almost over the edge?, or ?stone cold drunk??
? We weren?t sure if we should duck and cover, stand and face, bend over and take it, or just do what we had to do for the younger ones in the family to protect and shelter them.
? We learned to clean, cook, sew, laundry, dust, vacuum, shop, do homework, and help the younger ones with theirs in addition to our own. We also learned how to ?read? our parents?. And we always knew when it was time to just disappear down in the basement or attic to avoid the yelling.
? We learned to soothe and comfort our younger and older siblings? saying, ?it?s okay, it?s okay?, even though we knew it wasn?t okay.
? We learned to hide the bruises from our faces and bodies and refused to dress out for gym sometimes, even in the face of getting an ?F? for not dressing out, because we had to protect our parents or risk Foster care.
? When teachers did discover bruises and scars, we covered and made excuses.
? We learned fear and uncertainty with each and every day that we came home from school.
? We learned what it felt like to yearn to be the kid across the street and long for stable parents, a good home life that included of all things: Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Imagine that. A real meal.
? We learned to lie for our parent(s).
? We learned that we?d never be anything; that we were doomed to fail because we were the spawn and the product of our environment.
? We learned to find unlocked windows that lead to roofs that lead to stars in the sky that we could look upon and feel free, if just for a moment.
? We learned that ?you never talk to the neighbors about what?s going on?, even though we KNEW they knew what was happening.
? We learned that the only person you could trust in the end was yourself.
? We learned the value of hard work.
? We learned the value of a dollar.
? We learned to love and nurture those who are like us.
? We learned to trust others that understood.
? We learned that you ?will only get what you work for?.
? We have toiled.
? We have cried.
? We have beaten ourselves even though we do not deserve to be beaten.
? We have learned to care for others more than we care for ourselves.
? We HAVE cared for others more than we care for ourselves.
? We have come to believe that nobody sees, and nobody cares for us.
? We have resolved ourselves to be successful at all costs.
? We will always work harder, faster, longer, and better than our best counterparts.
? We have resolved to find the one solace, the one friend that can help us numb ourselves? And, this entity is not a person, it is a thing.
? We numb ourselves.
? We beat ourselves, even though our abusers are far away in the grave.
? We have set the bar very high for ourselves, even though we know in our heart, mind and soul that this high measure can never be reached.
? We drown ourselves in misery and sorrow and beat ourselves because we just can?t get to that ?brass ring?. That ?brass ring? was something that our parents told us we?d never reach because we were shit.
? Today, we have children of our own. We molly coddle them, we love them deeply and our greatest fear is that they follow in our footsteps; which are the footsteps of a generation long ago.
? That generation might have been the ?greatest generation? but they were unprepared to live as examples of love, kindness, goodness, faithfulness or godliness..
? As we grow older, we realize that there is no such thing as perfection. We know this yet we beat ourselves unmercifully over not being perfect.
? I still love my parents.
? The hardest part is getting to where you can stand in a mirror and look at yourself and realize that ?you? did not do this to yourself; it was taught, and you are imitating behavior, that?s all. They loved alcohol and so do you.
? Learn to love yourself as much as you love your child(ren). God loves you as his own and loves you like His own.
? Let go.
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