This is sobering.

[Theme2be]

I keep reading that this beast can be beat and it helps because I don't know what I am doing wrong.
I had tried AA and did the program with a passion, but "it" still called and I eventually answered even after 8 months of sobriety.
When I read the book I was inspired and got the supplements except for the Allone. I have the CD's and listened for a few days until "it" called and I answered.
I am deeply discouraged because I spent money I need for other matters on the Topa. I went to the therapeutic dose and this did not help as well as the side affects were terrible for this body.

Is there something I am doing wrong? I read you have to want it. For me, purchasing the supps/topa/Cd's are a sign and symbol that I do. Especially coming here and posting, because I am a very private person.
I have posted while saturated with this poison and it was embarassing because my meaning was true but distorted and for that I am sorry. I of course was met with compassion because of the integrity of your characters.

This is a powerful enemy. I use to be the one sent down to the wine cellar and was the pride of the pack.
God, what happened to me is unbelivable. I lost so much.
I have struggled to regain and now this fight is in private because I was front page news before my family and friends so Ithank the heavens I found this place of comfort and reassurance.

I don't have many friends left , but, I come here to be amongst you all that matter in ways that my heart doesn't know how to express.

Karen

[hart]

This is sobering.

(((Karen)))

I'm sorry you are struggling so much, and glad you found us. You write very well. What do you think the alcohol does for you?

[cuckoosnest83]

This is sobering.

Karen, I have no great words of wisdom but I try to look at getting sober as a baby learning to walk. Sobriety is new to me and there will be times I slip and fall but hopefully like the baby at some point I will actually "get it". Try to focus on the positives in your life. That you had 8 months sobriety shows me that you can do this. That you are here on this site trying each day not to drink is a positive. Just because we try and fail doesn't mean that the next time we try we won't be successful. Take care and good luck with your battle.

Cuckoo

[Theme2be]

This is sobering.

Thank you for the encoragement, it is of the highest value .
Alcohol is not something of comfort unless I need to throw it into my body to ease the withdrawl.
Its is a battle of wills. I dont understand this terrible craving esp since I have tried the recommended supps/Topa.
There is a way out as I have learned this from listening here.

It wants to win like an enemy that is waiting for what I have to bring to the table to slay it.

I will die fighting for you and for me, too.


Karen

[livingfree]

This is sobering.

Karen

I don't like to recommend other web sites on this site - but I think you need to go to rational recovery web site and read the short slide presentation on "it". It will make sense when you read it and then you will understand why you respond to "it". You may even smile and realize that there is so much hope in how you are going to respond to "it".

You can do it. Your 8 months shows you can do it

Liv

[bootcampbarbie]

This is sobering.

yes well it is why i ended up going to lenair as i did everything and couldn't get anything to work for me long term in a way that handled it. and i still love this program and the work here but i unfortunately drank right over the topamax making it useless. i wouldn't recommend that dumb move to anyone. but having gone to lenair i haven't wanted or thought about al since and i'm going on 6 months now. i did have 9 years sober so yes it does prove i could do it. but that was aa and it was 9 years the miserable way for me. it was not what i would do again and had i known about this site and rhonda lenair then i'd have done this and rhonda instead and saved myself years of self abuse and then drinking again which i did for the last 8 years which wasn't fun either. there is no logic to any of this so no figuring it out. it is sheer determination for some. i just didn't have that i suppose or didn't want to keep thinking about al everyday for the rest of my life. so i suppose i cheated but i'm okay that i did. i am more than okay with it. it's gone. sending you luv honey

[beatle]

This is sobering.

Theme2be, I know it feels unfair that you have to struggle this way all the time, every day. We all are going through it or have been through it, so you are not alone, and so many people have succeeded, so you know there is hope.

One thing to keep in mind is that most people who succeed have tried and failed many times over before having success. I have been struggling for years, and really attacking this beast full-front with all my might for close to two years.

The longest I have stayed sober in all that time is for six weeks. Usually, after detoxing I would last no more than 2 weeks. So, here I am again at 4 weeks since my last colossal slip/binge. I feel like this time is really it. But let me tell you, I was so discouraged and close to giving up many times-- the key is to not ever ever give up. If you want it, you will get it somehow eventually. I do believe that. It may take a while, but never give up.

And I can sincerely say that without this site, I might have given up, but the support and the caring and the exchange of information and experience have all kept me trying, trying, trying.

Together we are strong.

[betty boop]

This is sobering.

Beatle ............ (nice to see you) .......... you said it so well ...........

We are not all the same, but for me I like to think in 'baby steps' ........ I first came here 19 months ago ........ at that stage I was drinking from 6am till collapsing of an evening, yet somehow managed to holdown my job and feed my family ......... it couldnt go on ..........

1 year ago I was still binging occasionally and no matter how bad I felt I would remind my self that I was in a far better place ............

I've gradually moved on and since early march this year (when I polished off a bottle of duty free tequila) I have been 'drunk free' ............ a few AF days every week and on the days when I do drink I have not overdone it ...........

Not everyone agrees with my outlook on things but it is just another avenue for you to consider .........

BB xx

[Thankful]

This is sobering.

Quoted by Theme2be

Is there something I am doing wrong? I read you have to want it. For me, purchasing the supps/topa/Cd's are a sign and symbol that I do.

Maybe you are putting too much stock in the fact that since you got yourself to purchase these items, you must want to quit. Hmmm...this is a slippery slope here. There have been many people who purchase what they are suppose to and then they are upset because the "magic pill" or enchanted CDs, etc didn't do their job.

You have the tools, but you still have to put in the work. Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy. Yes this is hard, but you have to get yourself through that hard part. You can't skip it. None of us can. No matter how many books we buy or have many meds we take. We can't skip the work that has to be done.

Changing our attitudes is key. It is so important if we want to make life changes. You have to have faith in yourself that you can do this. The tools are aids, but they don't fix the problem all by themselves. You have to be diligent about staying away from the AL in the first place. It's hard. We know. But you deserve to be healthy and happy. The tools are there for you, we are there for you. But only you can make this happen.


Love, Me
:l

[beatle]

This is sobering.

Betty, I don't think the way each person chooses to approach their problem is a matter to agree or disagree with. Whatever works works. As you said, we are not all the same, except for the problem we are tackling.

As most people know, I am not a fan of AA (because it doesn't work for me, and not for many others, either), but I have always said that everyone should do whatever it takes, use all the tools they can, to achieve what we all want and deserve.

For most people, this means a multifaceted approach-- an attack from all sides. And as long as we keep trying, eventually we will get to where we want to be.

[Theme2be]

This is sobering.

I want to win this battle my dear friends.
I read your words. I wish I could paint what I feel.
Wht are the colors of HELP!!!!!

You said there is hope.
I trust your words as I trust you.

I hope

[CS04]

This is sobering.

Theme, I am in a similar spot. Trying to make the leap from taking the topa/supps, using the cds to REALLY making it work and getting more than 2 AF days in a row. Very frustrated with myself this 1st week of June. I've done very little except read and post, and drink in the evening...but not today!

[brittzak]

This is sobering.

Karen,
The supps, reading, posting, it all helps you get to your goal, but it also takes a tremendous amount of willpower and hard work. You will get to your goal. Have faith and kick it up a knotch.

[Cinders]

This is sobering.

TheMe2Be,

I totally agree with what everyone else has said to you.

It won't just happen, you do have to make it happen, you might fall down but just get back up and start over again.

I am so sorry about your "fall from grace" with family and friends. That must be hurtful and difficult.

However, you know addiction feeds on guilt and remorse. Let it go. You can't change what happened, you can only change what you do today.

I am walking this walk with you. Today I will not drink. I refuse to feel guilt and remorse over my past because it is a useless and negative emotion. If I let my past get to me, I will drink.

Hang in there and never quit trying to quit. Ever.

Love,
Cindi

[bootcampbarbie]

This is sobering.

you know more beautiful words were never spoken. so eloquent cindi. and luv is right kick it up a notch. that's my saying. lol where did you get that? hahahaha you know each week say how can i kick this up a notch? and beetle is right in that it takes what it takes. no magic anything. what works for one may not work for another. you have to want to want it so bad you'll do what it takes to have it. it has to move beyond the romancing it mode. that actually took me a year to get to that or two and then i was like that is it over done no more. i can't live like this and wow, the first month of sobriety i was in mourning for my years wasted. i can't get those back but i damn sure can do something with what i have left. stop fucking around with it for me.. man did i sure play with the devil. what kind of luxury boat was i on? changing deck chairs on the titanic. crazy all those years i was willing to give up for alcohol. crazy.. so for you darlings. well, the meds will kick in if you do the dosage and follow the directions and it takes about a few weeks then it really kicks in. just don't drink over the top of it like silly me did. and start thinking about all that life has to hold without alcohol. like what could you be doing if not that.. create your dream board of your beautiful life you'd be living free from this. get some measure of muscle behind you for you to win this one. as for the shame well consider that at least with alcohol your shame in some cases is public but remember most everyone has skeletons of some sort and they just hide them. so i don't pay much heed. and those that condemn the loudest are usually those sleeping with hookers and doing crack in back alleys. sorry to be so harsh but you know let's not throw stones at glass houses. i know human beings and they are all flawed.. not a one of htem is perfect. so let's just work on cleaning up your side of hte street and be an example of courage and conviction. let others be righteous and justified. it takes no courage to do that anyway. it is called human. to be extraordinary is living in your commitment not your wants, desires or feelings but your commitment. so with that you have to really ask yourself
what then am i committed to