This is sobering.

[beatle]

This is sobering.

Wow, Bootsie, I see a career for you as an inspirational speaker (or maybe you are already?).

Anyway, it's all so true. I'm still in the mourning phase, but I'd rather be here than in the massive self-destruction phase that preceded this.

I feel like I hopped off the Titanic just as the last bit sank under the surface. Now I have to remember there's nothing left there to jump back onto-- if I go back, I will drown.

[bootcampbarbie]

This is sobering.

yes and i think that is the most important piece that i hear in the first few months of this new phase of sobriety for me. if i go back there, i will drown in that icy frozen water. so simple just a very simple choice as the craving and madness are gone. now all there is is a simple simple choice. and if only i hang on to these threads that i'm now beginning to sew together and the new life i'm beginning to create then it becomes the fabric of which i am weaving a new and beautiful life. the old one simply becomes more and more of a faded memory. and after the first few months of mourning i came into the realization of wow what do i want to do with my life now... so that is really the most exciting scarey part. since we are so used to giving it away to something. it is this timid process of taking myself back one place at a time and claiming it and me one place and space at a time. for the first time reallly. and allowing that new adventure to start to take thread as well. ah beatle i'm rooting for you. i see you have 4 weeks and i'm sure each day will become easier. i would say let those tears and depression flow.. i still feel the depression of what have i done with my life. what was that. but i don't dwell i just let that sadness come to surface and flow. it is i think healthy to acknowledge that if we could have done something different my love we surely would have.. now we have what is next to embrace. i'm loving you.

[Larisa]

This is sobering.

I hope I'm not being presumptuous or disrespectful, here - I'm just a person who has gotten drunk and passed out pretty much every night for the last 5 years or so, in spite of AA and other attempts at sobriety, but I wonder if any of you with any length of sobriety were to look at me right now if you wouldn't question whether a large part of the mourning you are going through is for the fantasy you have of drinking instead of the reality of the nasty, demeaning, repulsive, life-stealing, enslaving habit that it is.

I know it's different for everyone.

I'm doing topa, supps, cds, everything - I have 3 days today, which is a sobriety marathon for me, and I am happyhappyhappyhappy!!!!

[Theme2be]

This is sobering.

I Thank you for your words of wisdom and I am listening.

I dont give up because you dont give up, or did not give up,

This site is a master piece work of art.

I am in gratitude,

Karen

[bootcampbarbie]

This is sobering.

and gaining strength when you can gain it is the first step so that when you are weak you can hold on to that strength. again it goes back to what are you committed to beyond your wants desires and feelings. it is what you can hold onto love bootsie

[CS04]

This is sobering.

Karen,
Glad to see you are still here. Boots, I too was hoping that the Topa and supps would be THE ANSWER and did cut way back on drinking last month but still drank thru the weekends, and therefore drank thru the topa. I have been depressed for some time now; just got some ADs but haven't started taking them yet. Been ruminating here for awhile as to what is my "missing link"? Many have said it is attitude and not being honest. I did have a good conversation with hubby last night about plans to do a 30, and he is supportive (although he drinks) but wants to help me thru the depression. I have not felt strong for a long, long time now, and I know I need to feel strong for myself, but I need for my marriage to feel strong too. I know that will help me move forward. We also have a baby to be strong for as well. I am trying not to feel so alone. Better than yesterday, though. Day 2 AF!

[Bambi]

This is sobering.

Wow, what a great inspirational thread this is! I too have been trying, or have been wanting to try, but give in to the "it" way to soon. I seem to have no willpower! I know I and my family would be so much happier and better off if I could just stick to the plan...but then the loneliness hits and the wants, boredom....and I give in and drink! I too have drank over the topa and the supps, not out of physical want but desire!

I know it is for me anyway a two way street. I want so bad to be sober and happy, but when I get sober I don't seem to be happy.

Dear Theme2Be, together we can make this work for us! What other choice do we have but to keep trying! We just have to keep pushing and pushing! I have now set a new quit date for me! June 15Th, I quit smoking on that date 2 years ago and did 10 months...why oh why did I ever pick it up again? It was the stupid me saying "oh you can just have one" well one leads to the whole pack, blah, blah, blah....So June 15th I am quiting both again and for the last time! ..because what other choice do I have!

So I am here for you!
Hugs & Best Wishes,
Bambi

ps....thanks for letting me vent, it helps!

[nancy]

This is sobering.

Sounds like you got some great advice from Bootcampbarbie and Cindi. I particularly argree that getting caught up in guilt can be damaging to getting better.

One thing I would like to point out and this is just a matter of opinion.

I don't like to think of alcohol as some outside "beast.". It calls, and you run.

Somewhere inside yourself, you are giving permission to yourself to drink. It's you and not some uncontrollable beast. How do you give permission? Who knows, maybe by dwelling on all the emotional baggage caused by drinking, what you have lost etc.

I struggle to get my head around the choice issue a lot. But it does seem that when people decide to give up for real that they are actually able to do so. Even though so many suffer from alcoholism and self-destruct, on this site we see these same people turn it around, partly through force of will and support from others going through the same problems.

What is alcohol doing for you right now? There must be some good things you are reluctant to give up. But these are usually short-term. For example, with emotional problems, you get short-term relief but long-term grief from alcohol. I find that helpful to remember.

I am a little surprised that the topamax is not working in diminishing your appetite for it though it is true that some people drink through it, it seems effective for many others. Have you read through our medication forums? Maybe you could post a thread on that part of the site. I hope the quality of your medication is good. Where did you get it from?

Nancy