Obsession

[Cinders]

Obsession

The Vicodin

I am so sorry I have gotten everybody in an uproar over the Vicodin.

I truly did not want to take any but if you had any idea what this pain is like, you would understand.

I have been taking my Antabuse and will not drink. Trust me.

Lucky, I agree. I have let this pain get my head wrapped up in bad thoughts. Which is unlike me. Right now, the Vicodin is doing a good job knocking the pain back a bit but I do hate its effect on me. However, it has given me the ability to lie down and meditate a bit. That is helping.

I love you guys!! It is nice to have people in the world care, especially when I am stuck in a hotel room by myself and barely able to function. This has been freaking miserable.

All I have to do now is figure out how to get the rental car to the airport and get my butt home asap.

Love,
Cindi

[cowgal]

Obsession

sorry Cindi

I am truly sorry you are feeling so bad, I am only at day 3,so not much help, have always white knuckled it in the past too...............really hoping that AA and MWO and working the steps can make my life better, more bearable and lift this horrible obsession.:h

Hope you feel better soon,

love,:l:h:l

MA

[Ripple]

Obsession

Didn't want to mention the pain pill as when in recovery NO NARCOTICS is on the list! For pain there is Neurontin, Motrin and other prescribed meds...don't take any chances as Narcs.. can drive you to drink. :l

[retteacher]

Obsession

Cindi: As you know I've slipped after 2 major AF stints: one was over 70 days, the other over 100 days. The value of all those AF days is that now I know I can go through life contentedly not drinking. Yes, the urges, cravings, & thoughts eased as the days accumulated until the day I had a thought I didn't fight & allowed myself to drink. I won't be doing that this time around. I'm not revealing at this point how many days I have accumulated, because that feels like fuel for the obssession.

As far as, when the obssessions eases:
-I too have heard that an entire year needs to pass before drinking thinking is no longer a part of our daily life.
-I read that after a certain amount of years (everyone is different), even visual stimulii (sweaty bottles of wine &/or beer, cocktails, whatever), don't activate the addictive part of the brain. In other words, the addiction does ease up as the years pass. That's not to say that we can have a drink after several years & learn to moderate. I know I'd be right back into it all even if decades passed wo/a drink.

So, I think we're stuck for now w/at least some kind of drinking thinking on an almost daily basis. I've noticed though that as the days pass wo/a drink, they are fewer & not nearly as strong.

Mary

[retteacher]

Obsession

Cindi:

If we can't be honest about our feelings here at MWO, where can we be honest? We don't always have to be:
-cheerful
-supportive
-helpful

Once in a while it's healthy to ask for help. It takes courage to get through life wo/alcohol...especially in the beginning. I went to a meeting last night, & the theme was courage to get through life.

Would a nice big piece of chocolate cake w/a scoop of ice cream help?

M

[Cinders]

Obsession

Mary,

I love you. You help so much. :l

Yes, I would love a big piece of chocolate cake with some ice cream. Sounds very comforting.

Love,
Cindi

[magic]

Obsession

Cindi.....Have you tried heat for the pain? On your neck and over your eyes. Or just everywhere? Can you get back to the hospital for more steroids? An anti inflammatory would probably work better than a narcotic. :l

I think perhaps the pain is responsible for some of your thoughts about alcohol, it's a good analgesic, one of the reasons I drank.

To respond to your question though....I no longer think about alcohol, wanting a drink or anything about it and I haven't for many years. I could care less.
I must be one of Mary's people.

I wish the same for everyone here.

m. xxxxx

[Cinders]

Obsession

Magic,

Heat doesn't help because it is buried deep inside my head. I have tried it.

As soon as I get home, I have some Gabapentin, which is one of the recommended things for this. I will use that.

The Vicodin was just to get through this morning until I get to the airport.

Thank you for sharing that you don't ever want to drink or think about it. It gives me great hope.

Love you!!
Cindi

[Theme2be]

Obsession

Your honesty is not a downer, Cindi.
Your honesty reaches my heart so I then can try to reason with this unreasonable disorder.
It has been called a "disease" as I have read and I treat it as such. AA did not work for me because some of the reasoning there did not feel right to me.
I hope you are comforted by the fact that your words bring relief that one is not alone with this because sometimes "its" voice is exhausting rather sober and fighting "its" call, or while my cells are saturated.
My spirit is never drunk. It reaches through the liquid that has my body prisoner and reminds me that there are beautiful people to come be around,such as yourself that represent beauty and truth in the midst of this difficulty.


Take good care,


Karen

[Ripple]

Obsession

I'll take some cake and ice cream if you don't mind! :H

[nancy]

Obsession

Hi Cindi

Hope you are feeling better. I agree with Kate's post that your work situation seems to trigger you in a bad way!

As for getting rid of the obsession...Well maybe you have an addictive personality. Maybe if it wasn't this substance it would be something else. How are you doing with food these days? I always thought you were in a special situation because you had gastric bypass surgery previously.

So how do you let go of an addictive personality? I read in the book When Things fall Apart that you need to get a comfort level inside yourself, you need to stop reaching for something to take your problems away and accept the things inside yourself as well as adversities from outside. That something people reach for could be food or booze or any other addiction. I think that is why we hear these kind of weird stories of people having success getting out of addictions simply by reading a book or going to a healer. A big part of it is psychological, the myth that you are reliant on some substance.

The book When AA doesn't work for you calls this feeling of addicts "Ican'tstandititis."
Actually we can stand more than we give ourself credit for.

[brittzak]

Obsession

Cindi,
This issue does seem to have been brought up amoung many threads recently. I too have wondered will I ever not think about alcohol? I get tired of constantly fighting myself. Hince, why I am on my way to Lenair in less than 2 weeks now. I want to be free from the constant thought and fight within myself.

[Cinders]

Obsession

Luv,

I agree, it has been throughout many threads this week, probably one of the reasons I posted about it. I figured, let's just get it in the open and look at it.

I have decided that the thoughts, if they stay, are just thoughts, though, and may make me irritable and sometimes distracted but they are just thoughts.

If they don't ever go away, I would rather live with them than drink.

Love,
Cindi

[southernbelle47]

Obsession

Cindi....:l's.

Oh the "Battlefield Of The Mind." Joyce M. Did you say that you are reading this book or was that someone else? I watched her on tv a few nights ago and she was talking about how she works out 3 times a week now and taking control of that part of her life. She said it feels soooo good and I have to agree. Ater I started going to H2o class at the gym, I started to feel better and now I won't miss it.
It helps my mood better than any drug and I've also noticed that my various little pains are gone....

It is so hot here now and I do work outside for a few hours each day but my "H2o time is wonderful. There are a dozen or so other women of all ages and sizes there and we have a good time joking around and sharing hard stuff too.

Hope you feel better soon.
:hNancy

[KateH1]

Obsession

OK, so, of course I have been thinking about the thought of "Obsession". One thing I firmly believe in is the premise that "What We Think About Expands". So, if we spend our time thinking about alcohol, rationalizing about alcohol, wishing we could drink, feeling bad that we are alergic to it, etc. etc. etc. What do we Think will happen? Yep! Obsession or constant yearning for alcohol!!

As for Lenair, I think it is amazing. I am happy for all of those that have been able to have this experience! From what we hear, it has been successful for everyone that has been there. With that being said, Lenair is not a possibility for many people that are here. So, does that mean that those people will never feel relief from thoughts of alcohol? Does that mean that these people should feel hopeless? I think not. I truly believe that each one of us, has within ourselves the ability to overcome this. I can honestly say, that at nearly 6 months of sobriety, I do not obsess over alcohol. I do not obsess over anything really. I know, that only I can change my thoughts, and only I can heal my life.

I also completely agree with Nancy. We need to stop looking at things outside of ourselves to feel good!
We need to honestly accept our feelings, even the anxiety and uncomfortable feelings and learn how to work through these times. Life is not always comfortable, in fact, rarely is it without discomfort or worry of some sort. But, we can learn to live fulfilling lives, without obsessive thoughts. It takes work!

Just some thoughts,Have a great weekend All!

XX Kate