guidance to help a friend

[Mags]

guidance to help a friend

Cindi and Nancy said what I meant to say also. Don't be surprised if your friend is in total denial and even gets angry at you. Go gently and don't push. I had friends who tried to talk to me years ago and all I did was deny and then get angry at them. The most you can do is plant the idea, show concern, then back off. If she gets angry, remember she is angry at herself. Don't bring it up again. Just leave her with the website address. The rest is up to her.

[hog]

guidance to help a friend

WOW! EVERYONE!!! You all are so incredible and so understanding. I'm not a church-goer, but I am praying that I can get my friend here. Your empathy and understanding seems to be boundless. Your kind and encouraging words for me have given me hope that she has a chance.

Another friend and I went to see her today. We talked for about 5 hours. She admits she has a problem and knows she needs to quit, but told us point-blank that she's quitting tomorrow (the 3 of us are starting a diet/workout routine) but that tonight she'd be drinking the bottle in the fridge. Well, everyone's probably heard or said that one before!!!

I will do my best to be gentle, but I don't think I'm going to let her avoid me. I don't want to let her make excuses to not meet for our work outs.

I sent her an email with all the support and love I could muster and the link to this site. Please, if you pray, chant, send vibes, whatever it is you do....please do it for my firend!

:h hog

[louise]

guidance to help a friend

That is great that she was willing to talk and that you sent her the link. You know her best so you may know how often you can bring it up. She may need to come here or somewhere like it for a quite a while to talk to others dealing with the issue before she is ready to talk much to friends and family, so please understand if she doesn't want to talk and just keep doing the things you did together before, or at least the ones that don't involve drinking.

[hog]

guidance to help a friend

YEAH!!!! Thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts! IT WORKED! My friend visitied MWO and was VERY EXCITED about what she saw!!! Not just on the threads but on the main page as well, which was something I haven't even looked at! I just wanted get her here to see you guys! This is so great!!!! I am so hopeful and she sounded very hopeful as well! THANK YOU!

[hog]

guidance to help a friend

Oh, I have a question......on any given day, or if I suspect, is it ok to ask her if she drank the night before or is that too pushy/too much pressure? Thanks!

Warm wishes,
hog

[Mags]

guidance to help a friend

I would be more general than that. Say things like how are things going, do you need any help, etc. There are going to be slips and don't expect her to just go totally sober right away. It takes a lot of work and some failure to become consistently AF. Is she comes here, we'll give her all the help and support she needs. You can do the same with her. But don't expect her to just suddenly stop entirely. She may think you are putting too much pressure on her. Just know that she is trying and working on it. Support her in that. You might just ask her if she is coming her and working on the plan here.

You really are a great friend. Your friend is very lucky to have you.

[Mags]

guidance to help a friend

P.S. You might mention to her that she can download RJ's book very inexpensively and reading it is a great place to start. It can be downloaded from this site.

[KateH1]

guidance to help a friend

I am so excited that your friend found MWO!! I really hope she stays around here. Mags is right, we will give her tons of support!

I also agree that asking her if she drank the night before, is not a good idea! This is not an instant cure! And too much constant pressure can be negative and not positive. Don't let your conversations be about her drinking or not, have it be about other things now. Give her time to figure things out and go to work on this.

Yes, I did take what my friend said to me as honest concern. I did not get angry with her, but, then again, I think I am pretty good at accepting my own mistakes and owning them! But, had she continued on, speaking about my drinking and asking me if I drank, then, I would have gotten angry. Instead, she planted the seed........I knew I was discovered and it was one of many catalyst's that started me seriously thinking that drinking had to stop.......mind you, it was over a year later that I found MWO and really got down to the business of stopping!

She is lucky to have you for a friend!

[Cinders]

guidance to help a friend

Hog,

I have to add my 2 cents to Mags and Kate.

I agree, do not let your relationship change to revolve around her drinking. It will be too hard on her and she will avoid you. Trust me, us drinkers have enough problems without worrying about feeling bad about letting our friends and family down. But we do worry about it and it just adds to and feeds the drinking.

Let her know you care, you are there for her, and she is loved.

Love,
Cindi