Completly frustrated-UGH

[Lucy Van Pelt]

sorry to ba a downer, but I am just completey frustrated. I have known I have a problem with alcohol for a very, very long time. About 11 years ago, I went to AA, becaues of my concerns...not court mandated, not family mandated...just me. I have been internally fighting this demon for years. I have tried AA, the supps, campral, topamax, and most recently Antabuse. i cant seem to kick it. Antabuse works, because it takes the thought of drinking off the table, but I have gotten to the point that I take the Antabuse, ready to fight this, only to be mad at myself for taking it (the beast spiaking here) and drink the moment it is out of my system.

I am at the point that I think I will never successfully fight this demon.


HELP!!

Sorry to be so negative.

with love

Beth

[time2change]

Completly frustrated-UGH

Do you want to chat

[FloridaBoy]

Completly frustrated-UGH

What reason(s) do you have for drinking?

[Muddle]

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I don't have any answers, but just want to let you know I care and am thinking of you. You and everyone out here have helped me feel hopeful for the first time in a very long time. Don't give up! You can do this. Coming back after the slips only proves you are still in there fighting.

[Cinders]

Completly frustrated-UGH

Beth,

Perhaps you need to look at a 30 days again. 30 days AF commitment. Period.

With or without Antabuse.

Please don't hurt yourself by taking Antabuse and then drinking through it. You know that is harder on your liver than the drinking alone. Please? :l

I know you can do this, girl. I've seen you do it.

One strategy, do not have alcohol in the house. Period. Nada. If you do, you will drink it. I am so lucky because hubby does not drink.

Love,
Cindi

[CS04]

Completly frustrated-UGH

Beth,
I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I have been frustrated with my drinking for a long time too, and have been doing topa/supps for a little while but not antabuse. I really know that I must make a change for myself and my family, though, especially my almost 2-year old son. I started out last month cutting down, a few AF days here and there but decided that that wasn't enough...so I am sticking my toe in the water and after talking to my husband, going to try and do a 30 with hopes to moderate after that. So far I've made it through the weekend (well, thru Sat; day 4 for me). If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. We are here for you!

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Completly frustrated-UGH

Thanks guys!!

Spoke to a few of you on chat..that helped tons...

Cindi- I want your magic...you are doing so well

I want to do 30 days...or whatever..struggling, struggling...

I can get a few days and then I flop..

Ugh

Love you all


Beth

[Prest4time]

Completly frustrated-UGH

Beth,
I understand, but please do not give up hope! This is a process... mostly a mental one.

Join Facebook! That is a new addiction in and of itself.... It'll keep you having fun and passing those drinking hours in no time! Actually a friend from here invited me to join and I never did much with it, but now us older crowd is cranking it up.... its so much fun! My son got me started, and now my sister-in-law has joined and invited me on as well... its too much fun!

[dexterhead]

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Beth: I share your frustrations. Constant struggle. Ughh ..

[Muddle]

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Prest, I guess I'm just old . . . Can you explain Facebook to me?

[Muddle]

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P.S. I'm glad you're feeling better, Lucy.

[louise]

Completly frustrated-UGH

Beth I also self referred my self for treatment 10 years ago with no prompting from anyone. Both my husband and counselor said they did not think I was an alcoholic. They were wrong but of course I loved hearing that! So I have struggled with moderation (or lack of - its up and down) since. In a quit smoking class that was based roughly on the 12 steps, the "accept I don't have control" was put in such a way that I was able to hear it. It is that I don't have control over the DESIRE to smoke/drink. I do have some control over how I react to that desire. I'm trying hard to remember that when my brain starts screaming "I want". Do you smoke? If so, I just found a post by Nancy, I think in holistic health, about the relationship between those 2. Hang in there. And don't forget to acknowledge yourself for keeping trying.

[nancy]

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Hi

I also share your frustration.
So are you saying that Antabuse seems to be the only thing that has worked?

When you quit do you really think you will never drink again or do you have it in the back of your mind that you will drink again? I think quitting drinking without that real resolve is tough to do. Of course the prospect of never having it again is a lot to bear even with all the downsides and temptation is all around. But if you read the success stories on this site, the posters seem to have that resolve.

Did you ever read Alan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Drinking? I think that helps change the thought process about drinking.

I agree it's a mental process. The way I see it is that we have to give up temporary pleasures/relief for long-term gains. Have there been areas in your life where you have had to do that and succeeded? Life is full of examples where this ability is so important.

Hang in there and keep trying.

About smoking, it's very very hard to give up but I can say from my experience that that obsession can leave you forever. So it must be possible with drinking too. I think the society factor makes drinking harder to quit though.

[maasai]

Completly frustrated-UGH

hie lucy,
sorry to hear you are having a rough time, recovery is a very long and hard road and process and as i always tell myself i dont want to feel able and completely no but i want to keep struggling into my recovery.
when you feel you cant actually do it and stay without booze, find out whats new which has just surfaced and need attention, you are actually going to the deeper and better days in recovery, but the point is will you give up? dont give up lucy, if you managed to come this far and stayed even a single day without drinking be happy and celebrate for that.
we love you and need you here with us, dont give up.
love maasai

[greeneyes]

Completly frustrated-UGH

Beth, I know... it is work, work, work. Relentless. Al is always there waiting for the ambush. I look forward to tthe day I do not think of AL in the same way I do not think of cigarettes or caffeine. I hope it can be done.