Failure - again...

[caseaday]

Failure - again...

Spiritgirl,

Have you ever participated in sports or do you watch any sports? What do you think the losing team does after the game? Right after the game every one is really mad and upset. There may be crying, yelling and even fighting at times! There is a lot of emotion flying around. But something really amazing happens the next day. Two things. The team quickly has to assess what happened the night before to determine where the breakdowns occurred as they need to be corrected. And, they also need to prepare for the next game as it is only a few short days away.

You are your own team! It is you against AL. We are your coaches that will give you some great advice. So, what went wrong with your plan and what will you do this week that is different than last week?

[SpiritGirl]

Failure - again...

Case,

First thank you for your thread to yourself. I subsrcibed to it so I can read it often. So that is ONE thing I can do to reassess and establish a new game plan (I love football, by the way).

Here's what I am thinking:

1. Read and reread the threads that inspire me.
2. Recognize and avoid triggers - nights out with friends who like to drink, keep wine out of the house to avoid "lonliness drinking"
3. "Double team" AL with exercise and healthy eating
4. Listen like a sponge to my coaches.
5. Never give up - stay in the game

I am open to any other suggestions.... Hope I make it to the playoffs...

[Cinders]

Failure - again...

SpiritGirl,

I want to add one little thing.

You are a wonderful person. You coach kids who are challenged, feel good about it, love them and care.

You are way more than a drinker. Your drinking does not define you. Your life's work defines you.

Do not let your drinking define you. You can beat the drinking. Lots of people in the world who don't drink would never ever take on the challenge of caring that you do.

You are a star in my eyes.

Love,
Cindi

[me145]

Failure - again...

ever try antabuse? im a mess today too. feel very low. went out sat night and my gfs left so i stayed at the bar with a few guys that were talking to me. my bf found out ( long story) and hes done with the drinking and the decisions it causes me to make that are bad. i stayed out till like four am i guess. my family also has noticed and commented on my drinking. i hate it. i just took kudzu this morning and plan to take zoloft again . i cant keep using alcohol to medicatte myself.

[SpiritGirl]

Failure - again...

Cindi, thank you - you give me far too much credit. I own a competitive cheer gym and am surrounded by blessed athletes. I heard a story about a local girl in our community with Downs Syndrome. She was on a Special Needs cheer team in another city and her mom asked her what she liked about cheerleading. She told her mom, "When I wear my cheer uniform it's the only time people don't look at me like I'm a retard" (those were her words). Needless to say, it moved me. I have an RN on my staff as well as a LPN and a Mental Health coordinator. So we contacted Special Olympics and started our own team.

I do not feel like this is me doing a good thing for these kids as much as it is the kids that are giving me a chance to be rewarded. I'M the one that feels fortunate. This really is when I started reflecting on my life - particularly my drinking. I have practices with these kids every Saturday morning at 10 a.m. I do not want to ever show up hungover. I don't ever want to sell them short because I am feeling sluggish.

Then it escalated and I really started taking inventory. AL affects so much of my life. I hate it. I have not progressed to a drinker that needs a drink in the morning or drinks in the afternoon - simply when I DO drink I don't stop. I built up to this. I am sure that it will progress if I don't stop. And the one thing I can't live with is allowing this to affect the children around me - especially my own. It consumes me. I want to be consumed by other things. I wake up and think about alcohol. It has become far too important. It is disrupting my life. Like I said, I felt great after our first practice. These kids were so excited and full of life. I was on cloud nine. Then I go out that night, get drunk and the life is sucked out of me. Vicious cycle.

Me, yes I am going to take Antabuse. I joined the thread that Cindi started a little over a week ago and I read it daily. I think it is what I need right now. I am powerless. So until my "power supply" is regenerated I am going to need the help. Let me know what you decide.

[mcmrunner]

Failure - again...

SpiritGirl,

Don't beat yourself up. Yes, there are many successful alcohol free people here, but I'm sure there are plenty who don't post about when they slip up. You are very courageous, honest, and open.

There are so many people here that know if they can beat the alcohol, you can too!

I find it admirable that you and some people on your staff are starting your own Special Needs Cheer Team. You've got a HUGE heart and those kids (and their parents) are probably happier than you'll ever know. YOU ROCK!!!

Mcmrunner :l

[retteacher]

Failure - again...

SG: Please do not give up. The slips will get few & farther between. I've been at MWO for over a year, & in that year, I've had slips, but I've also had many, many more sober days. Keep trying. Post & read. Mary

[caseaday]

Failure - again...

I like your plan! You can do it. I really know how hard it is to wake up thinking about alcohol but over time it does go away. The past few days have gotten much better for me. Around day 28 it started to fade a little bit. I remember at day 18 it was really intense and I thought that it would never diminish!

I really feel in my heart that you are going to beat this challenge soon!

[Nurseindistress]

Failure - again...

I didn't read your thread until today. You are so totally not alone. I am going through the same thing almost daily, and I know how lousy it feels. I really, really think that changing one's attitude from being perfect (i.e. AF), to improving steadily over time makes the difference between depression and hope and positivity. As long as you know you are going in the right direction, you can feel positive. This, like everything else, is a process--everything has to come together until the "right time", when it will be what you want it to be!. I am really trying to believe that and just continue in the positive mode with tiny improvements over time.....hope I'm not kidding myself, but how can that be wrong? You're putting too much pressure on yourself.:l