Sensitive in essence, here on day 2 AF. My identity clings to life~

[Theme2be]

There have been a few moments, here on day 2 AF that I came close to danger because I have to watch that voice that tells me "what is the use". I step out of my shell as I bring my self to be amongst you all. I think of myself at my place of employment today, smiling through the delerium tremors, desperate as I watch the clock go by as no one has a clue that death is chasing me when I am in my shadows. waiting for me to bring it home.
I am staying close to what matters, to where I find beauty and truth during these delicate moments.
I had made an effort to speak here, but, I was absorbed in my cells by alcohol, and it overrode the true nature of my words intent, coming off abstract.
The rate at which I guzzle it is ungodly because the hole is so big that I just throw alcohol(it) into the abyss that is endless and vile.
If "it" takes ahold of my ability to reason I am then blindfoldend and taken into captivity.
I have to juxtapose my own throughts through you all here, as they help me stay away from such cruel words about my life since all this happened, rendering my a feeling of no value and worthlessness.

I am reaching from such a place from my being because I am longing to have
S~obriety
U~usefulness on a higher plane
C~comfort
C~courage to be fiercly original
E~everlasting hope
S~sincerity in my steps
S~serenity

Thank you ever so much for allowing me to be.

Karen

[beatle]

Sensitive in essence, here on day 2 AF. My identity clings to life~

Karen, you are so eloquent. Your words always communicate on a different level than just words. Sometimes I am not sure what you are saying, but somehow I always FEEL what you are saying.

I can relate 100% to the abyss... the endless black hole, the worthlessness, and the feeling of captivity.

Day 2 AF is arguably the hardest (physically, anyway)... at least for me, in the many times I detoxed, it was. Day 3 was when the physical symptoms started to ease, and by day 5, I usually felt pretty ok.

I just hope you are doing this safely. Day 3 is actually the most dangerous in terms of seizures. The first time I quit cold turkey (after many years of hard drinking), I lay in bed for 2 days in misery and then felt somewhat better Day 3, so I went about my daily business, and I had a seizure whilst driving on the highway in heavy traffic. I am lucky to be alive. I don't mean to scare you, but it is a fact that if you have been drinking heavily, and stop abruptly, it can be dangerous and you shouldn't do it without medical supervision.

Well, I hope you are not as vulnerable as I was (I was a really heavy drinker for several years before I quit)... and I am sending you all my support and compassion for what you are going through and what you have gone through and what you will go through.

[dexterhead]

Sensitive in essence, here on day 2 AF. My identity clings to life~

Yes, the abyss. Everything you say rings true to me, Karen.:h

[Cinders]

Sensitive in essence, here on day 2 AF. My identity clings to life~

Karen,

You are "the use," and never forget it. You would not be in this universe if you were not "worth it."

Love,
Cindi