I screwed up

[TiredofHiding]

I screwed something up lately at - of all places - my church. I took on something I couldn't handle because of my busy schedule with business and other stuff and I let a lot of people down there. I don't deal well with failure in general, but to have let down my church community really hurts.

It doesn't directly have to do with Al, but since I was back with the ol pal, I wasn't able to stay in control of other things and when you waste time drinking and planning your drink and hiding your drink, well, you've got less time to do the things that need to be done.

I have apologized to our Pastor and need to find the right way to apologize to some of the others I've let down. I've told my husband I just need to stay away for a while - to let others heal and forgive and for me too. I need to get back in control of Al and when I go back to know that I am truly me again and not the me that Al makes. It hurts to think about it all.

I also finally admitted my problem to my pastor. I still don't know if that was the right thing or not. He was supportive and says he accepts my apology but it will take time to forgive me. He said there is a new AA program starting at the church in the fall but that is not my scene.

I just need a hug and someone to say "time heals all" and it will be ok.

[betty boop]

I screwed up

I really don't know what to say ............. but a great big BB :l:l:l:l
is on its way through cyberspace ..........

Be strong .........

BB xx

[brittzak]

I screwed up

I am sorry honey! Time does heal and I am sure everyone that loves you will come around.

[TiredofHiding]

I screwed up

I hope so. I really feel like poop.

Thanks for the hugs and support!

[beatle]

I screwed up

If you really are sorry, I'm sure others will forgive. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. You feel bad enough already. I think it is courageous of you to admit that AL played a part, even if not directly, and you have surely learned from this.

[Evie.Lou]

I screwed up

I am sorry that you feel so bad...It is very hard to carry the feeling of letting others down.Staying away for a while will give people a chance to move on to some other events and many will forget it altogether.Dont be so hard on yourself,we all make mistakes,it is part of being human.Time will heal this wound.As a minister,I have never told anyone one that it would take time for me to forgive them.It feels very strange to me that he would take that position.Any form of sincere regrets would wipe the slate clean in my eyes.Many times a member of my Church has come to me and said that they had a substance problem.My phone would ring at all hours of the night.I went to great lenghts to find them and their family members a support system.To me that was just part of the job and I would never have done anything to make them feel worse.I guess that I was just a sucker because when I needed help,they stabbed me in the back....Feel free to PM me if I can help.Love and nuture yourself...You deserve it...Evie

[Marshy]

I screwed up

Why does the pastor think the AA group wouldn't be your scene? It sounds as though it could be very convenient.
Also, I have almost zero experience of church but I agree with Evie that the lack of forgiveness seems odd.

[TiredofHiding]

I screwed up

Evie I'm sorry you were hurt. I guess we're human and we all do it sometimes but I try to remember those who have cared for me and that's why this is hard. There are so many wonderful people in our church who are extra aunts and uncles and grandparents and sisters to my daughter, husband and I. People I truly love and I thought I'd done pretty well only screwing up in my family.

I will say his response was a bit harsh but I also knew I had hurt him and put him in a bad position with the administrative council. I plan to just stay away for a while. It will really bother me not to pick my daughter up from VBS but I just can't. My husband will take her and pick her up and I'll just get to hear about it from her. I can't be there.

I just might PM you later. Thank you.

[TiredofHiding]

I screwed up

He suggested AA since it is starting at the church. I don't feel comfortable there though. This online forum is much more my style - more anonymous.

[greeneyes]

I screwed up

Your pastor said it will take time to forgive you? I have to step back and think on that one. I've been considering the church scene and in a public manner here, but that scares me. I could go on but my better judgement tells me to be quiet. I just want to give you :l and:h.

[greeneyes]

I screwed up

Your pastor said it will take time to forgive you? I have to step back and think on that one. I've been considering the church scene and in a public manner here, but that scares me. I could go on but my better judgement tells me to be quiet. I just want to give you :l and :h

[TiredofHiding]

I screwed up

I could go on and on about religion - my journey has been a very long one and I am still very much on a journey and no where close to feeling comfortable in my faith. This is only the second church we've ever belonged to and I still have my issues. From a human standpoint I understand I can accept an apology and it takes time to fully feel that forgiveness in your soul.

This is what he actually said: "As far as your apology to me, I accept it. I pray you take this in the right way -- I will continue to work on forgiveness. Frankly, I'm not all the way there yet, and that has less to do with me and more to do with what others have to now do. That is not meant to be harsh, but honest."

Sorry - I didn't mean to make this discussion about my pastor but just that I had let down my church family.

[brittzak]

I screwed up

It took a lot of guts to admit your wrong, good for you.