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    #1

    Empty Feeling

    :new:

    How does one get rid of that empty feeling when wine has been your friend everynight for years? I myself am divorced for 10 years...suffer from anxeity and depression and take meds for it. As night falls I feel very lonely....after a long string of failed relationships and only a 12 year old daughter who is basically in her own world and a couple of dogs to come home to. I find wine has been a comfort to me. one I try to moderate but have difficulty letting go of. I am not trying to go on Violin mode here or feel sorry for myself, it is but honeslty it is difficult. I try to find comfort in the gym and other activities but I think the wine has become more of a pyshological addiction that anything else. I don't feel ready to let it go. I guess I just need to realize what it does to my vitality and work performance the next day and let it go...,or at lesat have 2 glasses. But 2 turns to 3 and then I go thru the same ritual...body aches, fuzzy thinking and depression the next day. How do u guys cope? any advice would be helpful

    Thanks

    Am
    Tags: None
    #2
    Empty Feeling

    I really hear where you are coming from and felt the same way for a long time.

    I really am looking at this rationally now. If alcohol was really a good companion, and did take the emptiness away, it would make sense to drink. But we both know this isn't true. It makes you feel good for a short while, then when you overdo it, it makes you feel like you want to die. It also could prolong loneliness because in excess it can make you depressed, gain weight, be sluggish, do less on your days off, all things that will make you potentially less attractive socially. So it can keep you from doing the things that might give you a break from loneliness. I know compulsions can be strong, but the sense of this argument can sometimes get through and prevent you from turning to the same old things that don't really work.

    It also helps to learn coping skills for loneliness. Part of this is just not judging it. I think a big part of the pain is that you judge yourself for not having more of a life. You also should start reaching out and telling some people how you feel, at the very least you could get a therapist for this. Is there anyone you can call on those lonely nights? You can make plans for the nights when it seems hardest to deal with. If you can't just have one or two by yourself, try limiting yourself to drinking only in social situations.

    Good luck,

    Nancy

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      #3
      Empty Feeling

      ditto what Nancy said.

      i had the lonely/empty feeling off and on for weeks but happy to say it does pass.

      exercise and nutrition really helped me there as well.
      nosce te ipsum
      (Know Thyself)

      Comment

        #4
        Empty Feeling

        Hi Amethyst26,
        I totally relate to you. I have also been divorced 10 years and I also used wine to blunt the loneliness in the evenings. I had two teenagers, but as you said, they were pretty much in their own world. I just found that as they got older they became less tolerant of mummy being "spaced out" every evening. Please make an effort to sober, quality time with your daughter. It really is very hard on them. My youngest is now 18, and she appreciates my effort to become sober but she has deep lying resentments as well. Your daughter might not be questioning your behaviour yet, but she will as she gets older.
        How did I cope. I am only now trying my best to be sober and I spend a lot of time right here in the evenings - I feel much less lonely. It also gives me the opportunity to help someone like you - which leaves me with a warm, feel good feeling. I also watch a lot of DvD's. That makes the time fly. I read and I am studying the Bible, which I now find out is an extremely interesting book.
        I think once we can break that pattern of drinking every evening untill it is bedtime, we will manage to build in interesting activities into our lives. So give it a go. Say tonight a DvD and then a warm drink like hot milk with honey and then bed.
        I will be thinking of you.
        Love
        Jessie
        make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.

        Comment

          #5
          Empty Feeling

          Dear Amethyst,

          I too understand the empty feeling we get when we don't drink. I would love to be able to continue to drink....I like the feeling! But I can't because I have 2 teenagers and it affects them big time. Plus I want to be around to see my grandchildren!

          We need to do this for us and for them. They deserve a sober Mom. It isn't easy.....but the feelings do pass and the depression lifts.

          Together we can all do this...
          Hugs & Best Wishes,
          Bambi
          "When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable." -- Walt Disney

          Comment

            #6
            Empty Feeling

            Hello Amethyst and welcome. I think most of us recognize the empty feeling, the filling a void. For many of us, myself included, the alcohol took on an even greater role in our lives, filling up every little empty space, and steering us from morning to night. So I am happy to see you have recognized where this is going and want to get out of the whirlpool before it leads to the vortex. Somebody else on here called it the abyss. Whatever it is, we are all trying to climb out or have done so and are trying to stay out and live life instead, with all its problems and suffering, with all its joys and promise.
            Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

            Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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              #7
              Empty Feeling

              Hi Amethyst, looks like we all know exactly what you are talking about - phew, thought it was only me. Yes the drinking time is hard, really hard to work through eh. Ditto all said above and just want you to know that when the drinking time comes you are not alone in your struggle to get through it. Together we can.

              Lx
              Rather die standing, than live on my knees, begging Please..... No More.......

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                #8
                Empty Feeling

                Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words jesse. My daughter does deserve better. My depression has gotten so bad I don't even want to get up or comb my hair just goin thru the motions. I blame this mostly on the drinking and have had enuf of this feeling.

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                  #9
                  Empty Feeling

                  I and only echo that it does get better. Loniliness was a hugh trigger for me. I have been doing alot of reading and I come on here and go on live chat. I highly recommend it if you would like to meet some of the people here. Not always talking about AL. but there are always some good laughs as well. Stick around I'm sure you will be glad that you did. There is so much support here.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Empty Feeling

                    Being alone is hard. Raising a child alone is hard. And alcohol does seem the easiest way out. It numbs the pain for a while, makes you feel good for a bit..but the downfalls are harsh, and being alone doubles everything. I understand where you are coming from, and can relate. All I can suggest is to stay here and read, take the supps and we are all here for support. It truly is hard; but you will get where you want to be.

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                      #11
                      Empty Feeling

                      Thanks all 4 ur support. How does one get on live chat?

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                        #12
                        Empty Feeling

                        Live Chat is at the top, on the blue bar, second from left. I choose to have it in a pop-up window. Your name will pop up on the left under "Show Rooms", and if there is anyone else there, their names will show up too. If there is no-one ther, you can wait around, check back later, or post a message on here, asking if anyone wants to chat. (If you are desperate to chat, you could try posting it on "Need Help ASAP"). Hope to see you in chat soon!
                        Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                        Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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