childhood traumas and addiction

[jay42]

everyone is wired differently in terms of trauma or why we have gone onto addictive behaviours in varying degrees ..
as being in group psychthreapy now for a couple of months things are slowly coming out for me ..
ive walked around all my life with some "frozen terror" of childhood which has warped and distenended my own personality all my life . even if i found out it was to do with my immediate family i wouldnt spend the rest of my life blaming anyone .. i was and still am fearful of opening that box that lyes deep in my unconcoius mind of why i am like i am ..
if i found it i thought i would go mad or become a monster etc.. but through threapy slowly i am realising this unexploded bomb is just a dud it just needs to be opened with the help of others in a protective enviorment ie for me in this threapy enviorment which i am in .. tho i find it really hard in groups .i prefer one to one . but one cant hide for ever , humanity is a social species and no matter how we like or dislike it we are all in varying degrees need one another..
having been diagonsed with a personality disorder myself (and what is this but just some label on ones self which the majority cant put there finger on )
......most politicians have personality disorders but its ok for them , societyis full of socially acceptable psychopaths.
but im deferring from my mind point . being that we are all born sociable , non violent and loving creatures . and something happens for some that warps this out .
. carrying around some frozen terror of childhood that we shove deep down inside of ourselves . trying to blank it out with anything exterior to ourselves weather it be drink,drugs. destructuve realtionshis. or losing oneself in popular causes etc
..
ive been on every psych drug ever been , all usless , its always amazed me really that psychtiasts are the members of the medical establishment that go from viewing the body as a organic thing that goes wrong .. to a brain docter who only views a person as a chemical imbalance with out undergoing any type of threapy themselves ..
well thats enough
below a poem i wrote , thanks for this board and to all my firends ive made

---------
come,
rebel
what is it i expect of you
...for the road of the wolf , is harder than the eagle that flies
.a solitude that slowly bites its way
into every obstructive tommorow
hold onto your inner fire!
for there are always some in life
who may recognize you (jl8)

[bestlifeldms]

childhood traumas and addiction

I certainly recognize you, Jay. I was reading your post, all the while, shaking my head in agreement. Amazing that we all think we are in many ways different, but alike in more ways than ever thought.

I always enjoy your poetry and like someone said a little while back, I hope you are keeping these. I think they are worthy of being submitted to a publisher, for consideration.

Hugs, Best

[hippie37]

childhood traumas and addiction

Your sounding very positive today Jay. Loved the unexploded bomb analogy. I think many of us can relate to that. Me included.

Good to read your progressing in group therapy too Jay.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[beatle]

childhood traumas and addiction

Everything you wrote, Jay, is so true. I learned pretty fast that psychiatrists are nothing like therapists. They think everything can be fixed with drugs. At least that's my experience. Therapists and counselors are no better, though, in my experience-- they think everything can be solved by talking and psuedo-analyzing. It's neither way, of course. You would think these highly educated people could see the complexity in the problems they have been studying.

Anyway, good for you Jay in realizing you have to face up to things inside you and of your past and especially realizing it might not be so bad to do so.

And thanks for another great poem.

[jay42]

childhood traumas and addiction

link i forgot to mention

JNF

i fisrtcame upon this org after having my diagnosis so called its a quaker based org.
i have been to some quaker meetings tho i ascribe to no religious affinity . the thing i like about those groups is that one speaks only when one has flet MOVED to speak without being afriad or angry of any medical hierarchy

. just thought i add to the thread ...
have a nice weekend
jay

[brittzak]

childhood traumas and addiction

I am so happy to read your post today. You seem to be doing well. Glad therapy is helping..

[jay42]

childhood traumas and addiction

poem

firefly

im suprized you live as long as you do
at war with the day and closed window panes
your happiness leaping forth only at night
glowing
like sleepless unruly men
never trusting a quarrel or any written word
flying only to light the dark
or the buzz below
and at the end to extinguish
what its like to be alone (j)

[brittzak]

childhood traumas and addiction

I love fireflies, that just brought back the happiest memories for me. We used to chase fireflies at my grandparents lake house for hours.

[happydog]

childhood traumas and addiction

Hi Jay,
Like Beatle said a psychiatrits are there to change your mediction every so often. if the person seems to get addicted to them very easy they changed them every six months.
In time you will find that you will start to open up in group sessions. when you do open up, you will find you do feel different. Funny there is a man at my group sessions and his been on his mediction for 15years and have not been changed he has not had no review with the doctor, the therapists could not believe it, but then she said it so easy done he has just been forgotten and slip through the system. my group sessions is like yours, but the therapists seems to pick up straight away when a person comes throught that door that there something wrong or something playing on there mind, she seems to pick up on there vibes.
you sound like your doing well jay, im please for you.
love the peom.

Take Care

Love
Teardrop.x

[louise]

childhood traumas and addiction

Jay, I'm glad therapy is turning out to be helpful. I enjoy your poetry.

[KateH1]

childhood traumas and addiction

Jay,
I am very happy that you have this outlet of therapy. Therapy change my life! Probably saved my life! We do have the ability to heal and to thrive in life. Best wishes to you on your journey.

[Muddle]

childhood traumas and addiction

It's interesting. I tend to be analytical, so always appreciated that psychiatrists had a "solution" unlike therapists whose approach seemed more nebulous an difficult to define. However, as you point out, drugs as a solution, isn't really a fix, it can be an illusion.

And jay, the poem you posted is amazing. I know what is is like to be alone.

[Captnjack]

childhood traumas and addiction

Thanks for the insight Jay you are a very thoughtful individual and have definitley helped me. Once again the poems are treasure.
Your mate cap

[Seacailin]

childhood traumas and addiction

Ironic

How strange that u should write that post on the very day that I was thinking about some of my childhood trauma and it's relationship to my alcoholism. Did alot of work on healing the inner child. It was difficult and scary, but well worth it. I love your poetry also. Peace.