Do not read this if you've got the weebles: Does anyone still wanna be bad?

[boozehag]

Do not read this if you've got the weebles: Does anyone still wanna be bad?

Personally I miss it like a hole in the head. I soooo do not miss it at all. I cringe when I think of the old boozehag me - drinking and smoking for 12 hours on the trot talking complete shite to total strangers thinking I was having a good time, missing days out of my life hung over or just going through the motions. The anxiety the depression... What is there to miss.
BH (no more)

[Kimberley]

Do not read this if you've got the weebles: Does anyone still wanna be bad?

Ex-BH, I wish I felt like you. It would be so much easier for me then! I know I can't drink because I am now an addict, and so I'm not going to no matter how I feel. But I sure wish I didn't miss it so much, cos it DID give me things. Although it gave me awful things, it still gave me some good, which is why I kept doing it for so long. I wish I could look back and say that wasn't the case, but it just isn't true.

Many people who give up alcohol do so on the evidence that the cons begin to outweigh the pros. But the good was so good, although the bad was admittedly horrific. This is me personally, I know no one has the same story or the same feelings. And I hit rock bottom too, but I can't forget what the good stuff felt like. It's so friggin horrible - I hate that I have to totally deny myself something that can be good, simply because I can't handle it sensibly.

I sometimes think I am one of these people who just should give in and drink til it kills me - because that's obviously what I want in way. I would put up with the cons to get the pros, as I did for many years. I think I have a screw or five loose, but I am being honest about it. However, I am not drinking because I know it is the wrong thing to do and I have committed to doing at least a year AF, which I will do whatever I feel like.

I guess I wish that something would change my mind about it all. Hitting the bottom didn't change my mind- I just went into detox until I was 'well enough' to drink again!! What will change my mind?

[Marshy]

Do not read this if you've got the weebles: Does anyone still wanna be bad?

Hi Kimberley,

There was a fairly recent post by Out (within the last couple of months) along similar lines - all the positive things that she felt she got from drinking and how she is trying to counterbalance some of those things. You might want to search for her post. It sounds as though you'd have some similar thoughts.

You sound very determined even though you've got some negative feelings about giving up. I don't think many people would dare commit to a year AF straight off!

[Doggygirl]

Do not read this if you've got the weebles: Does anyone still wanna be bad?

Hi Kimberly. I quit smoking almost 1.5 years ago, and during the early months did quite a bit of reading about how substances such as nicotine, alcohol, narcotics affect our brains. I'm no scientist so it was a brain buster for me to make sense of it all. But what I think I got from that, which I believe applies to alcohol as well goes something like this.

Our brains derive pleasure from the substances physical things are happening to our brain chemistry when we smoke or drink or whatever. When we stop, our brain functioning is altered - and our brains WANT A FIX. This translates into all kinds of things that make it difficult to quit. But fantasies glamorizing smoking or drinking are part of it, I believe. So my theory is that some of these thought patterns (do you ever have dreams like this? I had lots of smoking dreams) the brain's way of trying to get you to give it a fix. And of course, that diminishes over time as we heal.

So...I'm either completely crazy, or onto something. (vote smart - pick crazy! )

DG
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[Kimberley]

Do not read this if you've got the weebles: Does anyone still wanna be bad?

Thanks guys, thats all pretty helpful, will look for Out's post if I can post a link back here if I find it.

I have no problems with doing a year AF cos I am stubborn as hell! Plus I made a 'Kim Promise' to my parents and partner, which means it is one that I will NEVER break. I would NOT, however, have promised to go AF forever. No way man, I couldn't do that, so I wouldn't have promised it.

Plus, I broke the serious physical addiction a few years back. Back then I would've had to have medical intervention to stop, but I calmed down a lot since then. Just not enough to get proper control over my drinking (Far too many binges still, inappropriate drinking, not putting the bottle down, hiding it). So I'm trying to do that now.

I hope to remain abstinent until alcohol isn't 'an issue' for me anymore. This may take many years, or never happen at all, so going AF for a year is a baby step for me in relative terms. And yes, I do have dreams about alcohol all the time!!!

[nancy]

Do not read this if you've got the weebles: Does anyone still wanna be bad?

Hi Kimberly

It sounds like you think you should not be thinking about the good things, that this is somehow wrong. But a number of books I have read that are along the lines of cognitive behavior therapy/rational therapy suggest that it is important to know the good things as well as the bad. I wouldn't try to deny that or demonize the alcohol entirely if it isn't true.

Then you look at all the bad things. The problem isn't that alcohol doesn't have any good in it, it's that the bad things far outweigh the good ones. Your relationships obviously mean a lot to you to give it up so maybe something had gone wrong there.

I think Kate makes a good point about how you might feel in early sobriety and maybe it is worth talking to some members about that on chat or by PMing them for support.

Sure you can remember the naughty times, but boy it sounds like you have had a lot of them. This is a new stage in your life and will have different highs, different benefits that you didn't have while drinking. Giving it more time to see the benefits may make you look back on the bad old days differently.

Good luck!

[BELIEVE]

Do not read this if you've got the weebles: Does anyone still wanna be bad?

I have those exact same feelings from time to time, and I'm 6 months into it so far. Like K8 (and maybe some others) was saying earlier, these thoughts or whatever you want to call them will subside with time, but I can't personally say wether they'll ever go away. Something new to deal with as a part of your new reality. But like I said, it gets easier later on, you're well on your way. You'll see!

Good luck