Newbies Unite, June 08'

[go2goal]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Can you be a RE-Newbie?

Hi all - I am posting here because it seems a good place to start after an absence. As is always my struggle, I don't know if I want to quit completely or moderate because I don't know if I can moderate. So, for today, I think its just that I will go AF for' awhile'. I did that before Christmas and when I was AF a week, I just kept going - for about 40 days. It was good and I am glad I have that memory, but now I find myself back to the "Everyday Wine" lifestyle. It starts about 5 PM, just a glass for getting dinner going (or not going), then ends at the bottom of the bottle, usually. I've watched some TV, but mostly been online, doing some bookwork, corresponding, researching.....all while consuming pale gold or red 'water'. It doesn't matter that its 'the good stuff', or that I have developed a palette for fine wine, IT still manages to tell me to keep swallowing.

So, I guess I will just call today day one - its easy to remember, too...July 1. I welcome the group effort and support, as that seems to be what we all are after anyway!

Cheers to tall glasses of crystal clear water!

Go2Goal

[Michele612]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Thank you !!!

:thanks:Go2Goal-Hey-you just described me! Wine is my weakness-and yes, I too like the good stuff (think of the money we will save). In my brilliance (some may say denial) I decided that I would avoid wine because that is really what gets me in "trouble". I switched to beer. After a couple of beers and a bit of a buzz I switch back to wine and keep going and going... I realize that abstinence is the only realistic answer for me.

Beth-keep it up! We will do this together!

Rachel--4th of July is going to be a tough one for me but if you can make it through Canada Day I can do the 4th!

Seacalin-Debruce is right. We need to be more forgiving of ourselves-and Debruce we will all get through the weekend together! Renewal thanks for the kind words and great thoughts. I feel great and you all are providing me with so much inspiration. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[renewal]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Beth, what a fantastic post....making a decision to stop is far different from trying to stop...you know what direction you're headed....AND why you're headed there. I'm pullin for ya and here if you need me. Go2goal, welcome to you....of course you can be a 're-newbie'...we are happy to have you and help you......well, today makes day 15 AF for me....I can officially say I've gone 2 weeks....wow!! Never saw that as a possibility after 20+ years.......wishing all of you a wonderful Tuesday!!
Renewal

[SunDaisy]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Hi All,

I can't agree more with Renewal. I tried the whole counting thing..."AF for X number of days", and I felt more like a failure than ever. I would go 2 days, or 4 days and then have to go back to square one. I decided that I can't count how many days I go AF. My initial goal was to moderate my drinking so how on earth could I count AF days and still moderate? DUH! And I am a perfectionist, so that set me up for failure right there.

Since I started this journey towards sobriety three weeks ago I have drank 7 days. 7 out of 21 days is a HUGE sucess for me. Normally I drink EVERY DAY without fail. So I am a success so far if you ask me.

Some might ask me if I am fooling myself. Well, I am the only one who will know, because I am accountable for me. In another three weeks, if my drinking has increased, I guess I better take another look at what I am doing and tweak it. If it decreases, then GREAT, I'm doing something right.

I have read all of your posts and I think you guys are some of the most amazing people. I am constantly reminded by your posts how intelligent and artistic and wonderful you all are. And I am proud to be a "newbie" with the rest of you. I hope we all continue on this journey together.

XOXOXO

SunDaisy

[renewal]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Nice post sundaisy......to all of you, here's a midnight thought (actually, it's close to 1 a.m.).....we have all beaten ourselves up pretty good over our drinking. We all regret certain things we have said or done, and other negatives our drinking problem has caused. All of the above are 'given'....what we do not do is....
-credit ourselves for joining and participating in a forum like this
-focus and celebrate on the days we do not drink....if AF days are the ONLY days we consider ourselves a success, we set ourselves up for failure.
-aknowledge the guts it takes to humble ourselves and strive for improvement each day
Millions just like us have the same issues....they choose to sweep it under the rug, without making the effort to change. Yes, our goal is sobriety (or moderation for some)....but take just a minute and respect yourself for the effort you are making to improve your life.
I respect each and every one of you.....goodnight.
Renewal

[go2goal]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

What is SOBER anyway?

From dictinary.com:

so?ber ?adjective
1. not intoxicated or drunk.
2. habitually temperate, esp. in the use of liquor.
3. quiet or sedate in demeanor, as persons.
4. marked by seriousness, gravity, solemnity, etc., as of demeanor, speech, etc.: a sober occasion.
5. subdued in tone, as color; not gay or showy, as clothes.
6. free from excess, extravagance, or exaggeration: sober facts.
7. showing self-control: sober restraint. (I like this one)
8. sane or rational: a sober solution to the problem.
?verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
9. to make or become sober: (often fol. by up).

The notion of LIVING SOBER has been on my mind of late - what actually does it look like? What might it be for me? I think this may be a new goal, as it does not seem to mean complete and permanent abstinence, but restraint. I don't think I am fooling myself, or avoiding a need for being AF at times. This whole process may mean, for me, that not getting drunk is what matters.

I 'started again' yesterday, not planning AF forever, but just awhile - to do it again and see where it goes. Well, the first nite, I am making dinner with my 19 year daughter, we sit to eat our creation and I remember the 1 glass of wine left in the bottle in my frig. I can't dump it - but I can't drink it or I will want to go get more - that's my problem = stopping. I said to myself, "I am just not going to go buy more, either dump this small glass, or drink it and just stop". I drank it with dinner and that was it - never felt a buzz, enjoyed the taste, and didn't want more. Wow - it was a bit of a lightbulb moment - I allowed myself to stop, I didn't get loaded that night, didn't finish off a bottle and slide into bed. I felt 'sober' and I went and read a book (Couldn't do that drinking many glasses).

So, now I am contemplating the definition of sober. I think 'Sober" may be a realistic goal because when I did a 40 day AF stint, I got caught up in the counting - the insessant counting and self-induced failure if I didn't keep adding days. When I went mod after the 40 days, I kept feeling like I was failing - now that didn't help my self concept. I realized I may need to grasp another concept and maybe its 'Sober living'.

Many here will say, don't kid yourself, its gotta be total AF - and I know that is true for many. Isn't that always the dilema for us - AF or can we mod? Well, today my thinking is that defining sober and living a sober life may be the most realistic goal for me. It won't be easy because if & when I do have a drink, I will have to stop, or I fail. So, for now it will be AF a lot and stopping when not AF. Conquering the stopping, that's the challenge.

Sorry to take you on this long thought train - hope its a good Sober day for y'all!

Go2Goal

[rachel]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

AF without any drugs

Well the day got away from me yesterday...had family for dinner and managed to stay off the cig. and wine without any patches or drugs! What a shock...felt fantastic when I arose this morning...slept fairly well but had some wierd dreams. Day 2 AF having a few more cravings today but I realize I am in the early stages. I think people with drinking problems like ours can be very hard on themselves. We are are often full of self recrimination and shame. Some people may be able to learn to drink in moderation look at Roberta Jewell others of us may have to quit completely. All of us need to practice some self love and compassion. Since we are honestly taking a look at our behaviour and trying to do something to change it we have broken through the denial that sustains all addiction. This is the begininngs of huge sucess even if things don't happen as quickly as we think they should. Congratulations to everyone who enters this site, it has been a God sent for me. rachel:thanks::h

[renewal]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Where are all my newbies today??????? It's midnight and looks like a very quiet day around here. Hope to hear updates on how everybody is doing....whether it's good or bad....stay plugged in here gang....for me, today was AF day 16......day at a time......goodnight.....
Renewal

[SunDaisy]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

hey there renew,

I'm here, just checking in.....made a major life adjustment today....just coming down from the stress...and getting the flu on top of it all...but im here and im listening...how was your day?

Sun

[Nia70]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Hi renewal (and everyone)

Day 12 for me and Im starting to get used to not drinking every night now, felt extremely low today at work though, for no real reason. I forgot to take my mid morning and after lunch supps in to work today so that may have been it?

Anyway, pleased I'm home, its Friday tomorrow and I found out my cat is pregnant this afternoon so we are going to have little kittens soon, this has cheered me up quite a lot

Love, peace and happiness to all X

[rachel]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Hello ALL

It is day three AF for me and I am feeling great...haven't found it nearly as hard as I thought and haven't had to take any medications so far. Guess my head is in the right space . Have been reading the book: Drinking: A love story by Caroline Knapp. A book I learned about by one of the posts on this site..there are so many parelles to my journey I can't believe it. Although my drinking never got to the point her's did I can see myself in her story. It is a very interesting read.

[Peanut]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Hey Rachel - I just started that book too, as I picked it up at the library yesterday. CS04 recommended it to me a couple weeks ago on the Sober Living thread, and I finally got around to reserving it. I've only just started it, but already have had some "oh, I can relate" moments!!! We'll have to discuss!!! And congrats on day3 AF!!! Keep it up!
Peanut

[debruce]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Morning all Newbies!!!
I am doing great, not counting, but have quite a few AF days under my belt this time.......but it is that dreaded Friday!!!! But I can do it.
That book by Caroline Knapp is great. I had got it out from my library and couldn't put it down.
Time for me to get ready for work, have a good day one and all.
:l

[sosad]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

Hello all,

Day 7AF.....Today a little stressful, but I made it. Thanks to everyones' support. Feeling better, just anxiuos. Family went out to eat and really wanted a beer...but I DIDN'T!!!! Let me know how everyone is doing....

SOSAD

[renewal]

Newbies Unite, June 08'

hey

Hello to all my newbies......and congrats to all of you on your AF successes...feel proud of what you accomplished so far, regardless of how long or short. You are inspiring visitors to this log as well as 'vets' who, by the examples you are setting, see that AF living is possible after all. Seems like that book you guys mentioned is a real hit too. Great day on the forum!! Have a terrific night, and I'll talk to ya tomorrow....
Renewal