i feel im in one of the lowest points of my life. i would stop taking the kudzu to feel the high /rush from alcohol, which the kudzu diminishes with me, and the other night my bf and i went out to dinner and i insisted we stay at the bar to drink more, and he gave me a stern dont u dare look, and said it to, but i did anyway, and walked away from him, talking to other people at the bar. he wanted to go home bc he had to get up early for work. supposedly he was late and his boss yelled at him. i dont know how, but we ended up staying out till two am, two hours after we were done eating. he called a cab and we left. point is, hes so furious . he hates me, he despises me,and is just a complete asshole now. bc ive broken his trust over and over. i tell him thats not the real me, im nothing like that. im this kind hearted person but when alcohol comes in me, i obviousally change. he mumbled in bed, " u have no heart"--totally NOT TRUE!
im mentally depressed like crazy, why i dont take the kudzu consistently, so i can feel the "good" feeling from alcohol. on top of it, my parents knew i was drunk when i came home. im gonna be 27 this year, i still live with them(-ny is so expensive to find a place!) so my dad had another long stern talk with me about alcohol and how ive got to stop and etc. he says i remind him of his mom, someone who should not be drinking. i get belligerent, loud, rude, at times. not just about the alcohol, but other issues, living with them im deealing with feeling trapped and controlled and treated as if im 18 again.. its HORRIBLE. i want to try to rent a room somehwere in a house, that would be about 500 a month. my dad is nasty to me, not that hes not right about the alcohol problem, but he s just plain nasty and they treat me like im in highschool.
i have zoloft leftover, i cannot afford a therpist, but am able to go back on the zoloft which i stopped bc i was drinking almost daily. but my plan is to go on zoloft, and be happy so i dont feel the need to self medicate with alcohol, and TAKE THE KUDZU. it has worked when i tve taken it ,perfectly .. im a binge drinker moreso than an everday one, and i think kudzu works the best for binge drinkers. im just scared ill stop it again, but im hoping zoloft will work so i im more there and less self destructive. but still, im just ranting on here bc i feel so low-suicidal low. i would have done it if i wasnt catholic. thats how low i feel. low because of the way my bf hates me, and the way my family thinks of me. it kills
ive had so many low times since the alcoholism has gotten bad the past two years. real real low. ill let u guys know how i do with the zoloft and kudzu. hopefuly ill be writing a much happer post in a month.
im mentally depressed like crazy, why i dont take the kudzu consistently, so i can feel the "good" feeling from alcohol. on top of it, my parents knew i was drunk when i came home. im gonna be 27 this year, i still live with them(-ny is so expensive to find a place!) so my dad had another long stern talk with me about alcohol and how ive got to stop and etc. he says i remind him of his mom, someone who should not be drinking. i get belligerent, loud, rude, at times. not just about the alcohol, but other issues, living with them im deealing with feeling trapped and controlled and treated as if im 18 again.. its HORRIBLE. i want to try to rent a room somehwere in a house, that would be about 500 a month. my dad is nasty to me, not that hes not right about the alcohol problem, but he s just plain nasty and they treat me like im in highschool.
i have zoloft leftover, i cannot afford a therpist, but am able to go back on the zoloft which i stopped bc i was drinking almost daily. but my plan is to go on zoloft, and be happy so i dont feel the need to self medicate with alcohol, and TAKE THE KUDZU. it has worked when i tve taken it ,perfectly .. im a binge drinker moreso than an everday one, and i think kudzu works the best for binge drinkers. im just scared ill stop it again, but im hoping zoloft will work so i im more there and less self destructive. but still, im just ranting on here bc i feel so low-suicidal low. i would have done it if i wasnt catholic. thats how low i feel. low because of the way my bf hates me, and the way my family thinks of me. it kills
ive had so many low times since the alcoholism has gotten bad the past two years. real real low. ill let u guys know how i do with the zoloft and kudzu. hopefuly ill be writing a much happer post in a month.
:ranger 
c:
Comment