I am not checking in here as much as I once did, but find that when i do there is much discussion regarding Lenair...i found a rather compelling thread today and felt the desire to post this there...i am also posting it on its own here to make sure that all who are interested might have a chance to read my story as it stands today...
hello to all...just must contribute to this discussion as Lenair has been the singularly most life altering thing that has ever happened to me.
I was drinking 3 bottles of wine a day - minimum- throw in the occasional martini as well. The intense struggle and craving and battle i felt everyday was indescribable. I had resolved that it was my lot in life to battle the bottle forever...i endangered myself, my children and others daily due to my consumption....i was ashamed ,racked with anxiety, and truly wanted to die most days...i just did not see any way to continue or escape for the nightmare....my children were the only thing that kept me going , I justified that they needed a mother even if I was a drunk one....I was leading a secretive , sneaky, sick and twisted life trying to manage my drinking....making rules, hiding wine, drinking wine alone in my car and anywhere else i could...just to fill the hole...get the alcohol into my system...spending all my time and money on this exhausting habit....i was somehow keeping all the balls in the air but knowing that all of it was going to come crashing down at any moment...leaving a wake of damage and possible unchangeable injury to someone behind....
I found MYO and did have a string of AF days that gave me a taste of what sobriety could be..I am SO thankful for that....but the topa was too intense and i returned to the daily torture of the bottle...My nightmare got progressively worse...
Being a huge skeptic - knowing with certainty that absolutely NOTHING would work for me I knew that with conviction Lenair would not work...I would be the one it did not work for...I literally had tried everything at this point...I went to Vermont defeated before i even arrived..."this was all bullshit and a racket" i told myself..."what the hell am I doing here"..."why would i give this person my hard earned money when nothing like this is possible"... "a healer - yea right"....
I left that day a different person completely...I was completely shifted internally...It was gone...I still dont believe it and wake up daily expecting it to be gone...I still doubt even though I am living it...how can i deserve such a gift...how in the hell is this possible?...And i am living it...the anxiety , craving, the NEED...it is gone....and my life is indelibly changed ....and i have learned how to live again and the transition was seemless...no awkwardness ...just different...Internal PEACE is what it is...My mind just finally got quiet..and peaceful...
Now i know that you may read this and think it is crap...so did I ...and I am still blown away daily...i am still a skeptic...but it happened to me...i was healed....
I needed to share this because when i was at my darkest , all i wanted was the real story of Lenair...and this is my real story...i hope it helps or at the least clarifies my experience...
Blessings and Hugs....XXOO Buckle
AF since Feb 7th, 2008
hello to all...just must contribute to this discussion as Lenair has been the singularly most life altering thing that has ever happened to me.
I was drinking 3 bottles of wine a day - minimum- throw in the occasional martini as well. The intense struggle and craving and battle i felt everyday was indescribable. I had resolved that it was my lot in life to battle the bottle forever...i endangered myself, my children and others daily due to my consumption....i was ashamed ,racked with anxiety, and truly wanted to die most days...i just did not see any way to continue or escape for the nightmare....my children were the only thing that kept me going , I justified that they needed a mother even if I was a drunk one....I was leading a secretive , sneaky, sick and twisted life trying to manage my drinking....making rules, hiding wine, drinking wine alone in my car and anywhere else i could...just to fill the hole...get the alcohol into my system...spending all my time and money on this exhausting habit....i was somehow keeping all the balls in the air but knowing that all of it was going to come crashing down at any moment...leaving a wake of damage and possible unchangeable injury to someone behind....
I found MYO and did have a string of AF days that gave me a taste of what sobriety could be..I am SO thankful for that....but the topa was too intense and i returned to the daily torture of the bottle...My nightmare got progressively worse...
Being a huge skeptic - knowing with certainty that absolutely NOTHING would work for me I knew that with conviction Lenair would not work...I would be the one it did not work for...I literally had tried everything at this point...I went to Vermont defeated before i even arrived..."this was all bullshit and a racket" i told myself..."what the hell am I doing here"..."why would i give this person my hard earned money when nothing like this is possible"... "a healer - yea right"....
I left that day a different person completely...I was completely shifted internally...It was gone...I still dont believe it and wake up daily expecting it to be gone...I still doubt even though I am living it...how can i deserve such a gift...how in the hell is this possible?...And i am living it...the anxiety , craving, the NEED...it is gone....and my life is indelibly changed ....and i have learned how to live again and the transition was seemless...no awkwardness ...just different...Internal PEACE is what it is...My mind just finally got quiet..and peaceful...
Now i know that you may read this and think it is crap...so did I ...and I am still blown away daily...i am still a skeptic...but it happened to me...i was healed....
I needed to share this because when i was at my darkest , all i wanted was the real story of Lenair...and this is my real story...i hope it helps or at the least clarifies my experience...
Blessings and Hugs....XXOO Buckle
AF since Feb 7th, 2008
:l:l:l
eace:
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