Selfish me

[Bella]

Being an alcoholic....not that i can admit to that really....I read all the posts and think how lucky i am not to be like that...but i suppose i am...i press these keys on the computer in a light un-caring way and wish i was on the other side....like my brother. He has been gone now for god knows how many years and i still wish i was dead......i'm so fed up pretending that everythings okay and trying to spell everything out correctly! Selfish me...is the title and thats right...i want attention. is that awful? I know im awful and i want someone to chat with me in chat is there anyone out there in cyber space??? X Sorry for being such a *******************************F A!!!! X

[Accountable for Me]

Selfish me

Bella, until you start admitting you have a problem, you will live on this roller coaster for a very long time.

You aren't any different from the rest of us; particularly who replied to your thread earlier about your thinking about drinking in the AM. Why ask questions and then not follow up with those who answered you. I think it is pretty insulting to ask a question then go on to say in another thread that you aren't like us.... but you 'suppose' you are?

We have seen you go through some pretty scary times. I would most definitely say you are an alcoholic, and I am wondering if you have sought out that counseling? It sounds to me, other than being lonely; you are depressed. Most of those who drink are.

I use to go around blaming everyone else for my unhappiness/loneliness. Once I started to realize it was 'me' holding myself back; iscolating myself from the rest of the world; did things start to change.

There is help out there to get you out of this black hole. You have two beautiful young children that want/will want a happy, healthy mom.

I am saying this purely out of sincerity and empathy. I believe the last time you came here you cried out for help, got loads of responses and then you disappeared again until now.

I think it is time to get real, admit you have a problem, and then start getting your life back. Actually, you wouldn't be here unless you knew deep down inside you had a problem. I do hope for the best for you. I know this may seem like an asshole response, and maybe it is, but I mean well.

[brittzak]

Selfish me

I agree totally with AFM, Bella only you can seek the help to stop this madness. There are MANY means of support and help out there, but you have to seek them, they do not come to your door. Start now, with you!!! You know I care deeply for you, seek the help, you won't be sorry. Start living instead of existing.

[sammys]

Selfish me

Bella when you read this tomorrow just know we can all be here for you OK.


Sammys

[Guest]

Selfish me

sounds like alcohol induced "honesty" too me, be well Bella.

[KateH1]

Selfish me

Bella,
I too agree with every word that AFM said to you. There comes a time when we have to speak straight up with no fluff! Sometimes, the seemingly "Kind Words" are a lot like giving a drowning woman a glass of water! It takes a lot of courage and caring to be honest! We are all here for the same reason, to learn to live without alcohol and live fulfilling full lives. We all help each other towards this end.

Bella, there is help available, you can continue to fool yourself and feel as you do, or you can take action to turn your life around. We all have suffered tragedy and loss, it is part of life. You are not the only one to suffer such things.

Most of all, you are a mother, it is up to you the life you choose to give those small children. Right now, today, you are setting them on the path that they will follow. You have choices to make.

I will say the same as AFM, coming here every couple of weeks and starting thread after thread and listening to nothing we say and then leaving, is not helping you, nor us. This will be my last response to you, until you try to help yourself, becaue I know that it is impossible to help anyone who is not willing to help themselves and take action in a positive direction. All we can do is set an example and encourage.

Good Luck,
Kate

[Guest]

Selfish me

Isnt that a little harsh Kate ,this place needs to be our soft place to fall.

[ready2change]

Selfish me

I have to agree with AFM and Kate...Bella you come here when you have been drinking and you have had horrific problems with your drinking in the past, and you ask IF you have a problem? What happened to the social workers you were hoping to impress when they came around.

We told you before and now I will say it again, your playing with fire here when it comes to your young children. You recently started a thread on how your now able to moderate, but are you really? Here you are, drinking and stating it should be you that is dead instead of your brother. How can we help you Bella, when you won't help yourself? You stated before how you didn't want to go to counseling when you were court ordered to. How can you be helped if you won't take that initial step? We care about you, we just can't do it for you. Good luck to you and especially those precious, innocent babies of your.

[magic]

Selfish me

Very wise words from very wise women.

I am an alcoholic. I am still a loving mother, friend and sibling.

And I am still a damn fine human being.

Admitting that you are an alcoholic takes nothing away.

It adds.

m. xxx

[Ripple]

Selfish me

Bella...i do not know how to feel about your post! Please call someone and talk. really! :l

[Cinders]

Selfish me

Bella,

I totally agree with Ripple. You sound very depressed. Please get some help!!

I, for one, care about you very much and have been as depressed as you are right now.

Alcohol only feeds the depression.

You must address both or you will stay in this dark place you just posted from.

Take good care, Bella, for you and your family.

Love,
Cindi

[Bella]

Selfish me

I just wanted to say thankyou and sorry to all those who have responded to me and tried to help....I do need to do this myself..no more talking just action...Thankyou for being harsh..i think i needed to hear that! Tough love and all that. I will not post again..i dont want to anger anyone and it was un-forgivable to post drunk. Bella xxxx

[brittzak]

Selfish me

Bella,
I have been where you are......make a call today for help. If you lose your children, you will hit bottom. No one here wants you to leave, but we want you to seek help and make the decision to help yourself. It is not easy, many of us attempt numerous times, but it can be done. There are MANY here sober. Many different mean have gotten us that way. Find what works for you and don't stop until you do. Start today.....

[Ripple]

Selfish me

Bella...This is where I looked first today! DO NOT BE MAD AT YOURSELF! You are a good person who has done nothing wrong...Make a call today and hook-up with someone, you will feel much better..I will PM you later today! Take Care. :h

[Guest]

Selfish me

It seems to me that its what you do when you are drinking that is dangerous . You did nearly loose those kids before , or at the very least brought unwanted attention to yourself from the wrong people. You know yourself what you need to do , and I feel for you I really do.