Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

[wonderworld]

Hi folks!

I'm giving this new thread a go because it looks like there are a whole bunch of people hitting the 30 day mark around now (yay!) on a few different threads and feeling unsure about how to keep the support system going days 31-60 AF.

When the small group I got to 30 with were at this point, we kept going together because we were going through alot of the same changes at the same time, and sticking together and sharing what was going on saved our asses (and made it fun).

I'd be happy to chime in now and then, if you want input from a grizzly old-timer with 6 months LOL !!! (I LOVE victory over the likes of AL and will go to the mat with you anytime, anywhere). Or, I can leave you be! Just give that beast a kick in the head from me too.

Much love,

WW xox

[caysea]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Thanks for the tread.It is just what i need now.I feel I am on my way to being a sober AF free person but realize that is going to be as hard to maintain as quiting.Any insights people down the road have is welcome.Especially the pitfalls to watch out for [ 46 AF ]

[LVT25]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Ok, I'm here cause they kicked me out of the 0-30 day thread--cause I went 30 days AF in June! :yay::wd::happy::yougo:

Anyway it appears that I may be experiencing a little "cognitive dissonance" (which I had to look up by the way.) So I'm not sure yet if this is where I belong or not. I haven't decided yet if I'm going for another 30 days or not. BUT, I'm not experiencing anxiety about it--as the definition suggests. I feel really good, and I want to continue feeling really good. I do have anxiety about drinking--and then consequently smoking (which BTW I quit doing 4 months ago today) and I have anxiety about feeling like crap again and putting poison into my "clean" body. Oh, I guess maybe I do have anxiety about it, huh??

Family reunion coming up--fun time, plenty of drinkers and non drinkers--so not a big pressure situation--I just don't know. Smart me says--don't even chance it, because there will be cigarettes about. The "old" me says--why not--it's 4th of July for Heaven's sake?!

Anyway, I'll keep you posted. I think I'll read MWO again too.

Thanks for starting a new thread for us, WW!!

[Peanut]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Yes - LVT - Congrats to you and to me, yes!!! WE DID IT!!!!!!!

As to days 31-60? The jury's out on that one yet - but thanks so much WW for starting this thread. Still waffling here (hmmm..... early hours of the morning.... hungry......waffles???? It's a holiday today and I have been up since 7:30!!!!) I have a run today that ends up on a roof top bar, and my friends are going to try to cajole me into drinking - I think I will just keep running!!!!!! Straight past the bar, down the street, back home to the safety of my back yard and my pretty flowers and my projects. Well.... we'll see...

For all you Canadians out there. HAPPY CANADA DAY!!! Enjoy the Fireworks tonight!!!

Love you all!!!
xoxoxo Peanut

[Rusty-576]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

:thanks:Hey what timeing, I to have just made 30 days and want to keep it up. Peanut glad to see you here as a fellow Canadian this day is very special, Happy Cananda Day. This last month has been a real learning and growing experience I am in for the next 30

[Larisa]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

My 31 is on Thursday - hold me a spot???

[wonderworld]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

I want waffles!!!!!! Run peanut run!!!!

Slot : SAVED FOR LARISA woo hoo!

Hi Caysea!!! You're rolling baby! Glad you checked in. For myself the AF part continued to get easier, with a tug here and there. You sound very committed. And a big congrats on 46 days! Look forward to hearing more.....

LVT you are so funny !!! Thank you for your good humor. I know I can be um, pushy! Cognitive Dissonance: me. smoking. I know it's giving me cancer. I still smoke. It's like knowing something, but the information isn't, um, evident in my behavior. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR NOT SMOKING. Yes, please keep us in the loop!!!!

Woo Hoo for Rusty ! On to 60 it is. Way to go. You sound pumped! Can't wait to see what the next month has in store for you.

Happy Canada Day to all those up North!!!

WW xox

[bestlifeldms]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Can I hang with you guys! I'm somewhat displaced! 85 days today! Lovin this new life! Isn't it nuts :nutso: to be so euphoric inkele: about something that others take for granted?

Let's keep it going! :goodjob:

:h Best

[KateH1]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Hi All! Good going on your first 30 Days AF!!! You are off to a great start! WW is so right (as usual..) joining hands with a small group of others that were comitted to pushing forward after 30 days made a huge difference for us! The type of support that we need along the way with this does change. Being able to share these changes and struggles with others at the same point, is invaluable. It really makes a huge difference!

Oh! and Happy Canada Day, to our family to the north!

Much Success and Happiness to All!
Kate

[wonderworld]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Testify!!! My AF sister Kate! Well said.

Of course bestlife. Hang out. LOOK AT THOSE 85 DAYS!!!!! Mahvelous dahling!

How is everyone today? Howz the world of 31-60 treating you? Any news, thoughts, vents, dreams, nightmares, cravings, meltdowns, jokes, random notions? Let's hear!

For myself, I woke up raging! ha ha ha In a snit all day yesterday - my older sister is um, very difficult, and right now is wreaking havoc in the family. I must have been dreaming about it. I think I woke up in the middle of reading her the riot act LOL! Oh well. Another relationship where boundaries and mental health are improving for me. In the past, I would have been devastated by her shennanigans (sp) yesterday. But I'm strong now and she can bite me. I feel for her, but abuse is no longer allowed. I think she's panicking because she's lost her 'shaming button' on me. No more power. Too bad. She'll adjust eventually .

Go team MWO!!!

WW xox

[bestlifeldms]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

You go girl! Yeah!

Interesting isn't it? Observation: I have found that I allowed others to take advantage of my drinking. In therapy they talk about "triangling". An example might be that there are problems between a couple, and rather than deal with the problem directly they will "triangle" another family member into the mix (child, mother-in-law, etc.) My drinking was the "triangle" when there have been issues in the past between my husband and even with my kids. If my hub was pissy, and I wanted to address what was wrong, it eventually came back to drinking. If I was upset about an issue with one of the kids and I addressed it, the conversation always was focused back on my drinking. I had given away my power to address issues that were important to me.

Now, the focus remains on the issue! Amazing! As you so appropriately put it, WW, no more "shame button".

Absolutely amazing! :l

[LVT25]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Good morning (here)

I'm feeling just pretty good, the dial on the scale finally became unstuck and went down about 3#. Amazes me, because I've gotten pretty lax in my eating habits lately. This will inspire me to keep moving and start eating better! I've got to eat more fruit! I've started taking 5HTP and greenie and beatle said to take it with fruit or fruit juice--so that might help some.

Another goal is to drink more water and less diet pop. Pretty soon I'll be so pure no one will recognize me! Especially with my new mineral makeup that I had to go out and buy once inspired from my friends here!

I need to change my routine here a little too since it is getting so hot. I really need to be outside working in the garden, etc first, and then come check in here. I tell you, some habits are just hard to break!:H

On that note--I really do need to keep moving. Ta Ta for now!:h

[Pamina]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Congratulations to all achievers of 30 days!!! I've been following the interesting 'now what' discussion on the 1-30 thread as I had the same debate with myself a few weeks back.

I was particularly struck by Peanut's question of how does one learn to moderate by abstaining. Here's my 2 :cents on that.

The end of RJ's book has a discussion on the alcoholic continuum, from the early to late stages. If you're far enough down the road of physical addiction, your brain chemistry will have been permanently altered and abs is your only option.

If you think you're at an earlier stage, you have more options. BUT, as drinking has already become a problem, it seems to me you have to spend time walking backwards.

I noticed I had started drinking more in response to stressful situations. For me, stress was becoming the wormhole through which I'd slide further and further into the quicksand. My dad has an incurable illness, and my initial goal was to stay AF while visiting him. Meanwhile I started researching stress management and found that AL is about the worst thing you can do to your brain if you're trying to handle a stressful situation. It also takes several months before your brain resets itself after the effects of AL. So I could have had a nice glass of wine at a fancy lunch a few weeks ago, and possibly even stuck to just that glass, but would have interrupted my brain healing in the process. Since I need every last neurotransmitter lined up doing its job, it hardly seemed worth it.

The other component of addiction is psychological dependency. For me, I found it much easier to moderate if I was happy and harder if I was tired, angry, anxious etc. I realised I was using AL as a crutch, so for me that dependency is definitely there. It's not something I feel I've broken in just one month. Possibly over a longer time frame it could be. I'm pretty convinced if I just carry on, without altering the psychological dependency, increased physical addiction is just a matter of time. Without AL on the table, I can focus on what ELSE I can do in those situations and start dissolving that crutch.

Well what about people who feel they're not that affected by physical or psychological dependency, aren't facing particular stress and feel drinking is just a habit? Moderating should be possible, but even then I'd first walk backwards. If you've managed to develop a frisky drinking habit over a long period, there's a risk that habit will trump your one AF month until you feel AF is the new 'normal'. Once AF IS normal, you can probably have a drink and return to the normality more easily.

So, I think you CAN learn to moderate by abstaining (provided you're lucky enough not to be too far into physical addiction). I don't know whether I personally will be able to and I don't plan on trying it out anytime soon. To the world I'm on a 'booze break' of indeterminate duration. To me, I'm happy AF (Day 50)!!

PS Hi to all who have posted while I composed my 'essay' - but gotta run now so catch you later!

[wonderworld]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Thank you Pamina. Great beak down. And I was going to bring up the idea of drinking histories affecting the potential ability to moderate and also the AF time required based on the drinking history. There's alot to that and I totally agree. That was one of the things I found so fascinating about RJ's book. The fact that she was adopted from chemically dependent parents (one or both, I forget), but raised in a non alcohol abusing home, made her an interesting study. Her adoptive family's upbringing seemed to help her develop into an adult with excellent life skills, a successful family, career, etc., and yet her 'biology' gave her a problem with the booze. I grew up in an alcoholic family. That made my situation totally different, on every level. Just another angle.

Bestlife, I am SOOOOOOO glad you said that. It had EVERYTHING to do with triangulating and my 'problems'. I knew it was a sickening diversion/deflection/whatever, and I saw it for what it was clear as day and I called BS and that was the end. Now THAT is growth.

LVT - need to get my exercise and food back on track too. Once I got out of my routine with all the work travel in May and June, I lost the thread there a little. So, you mean, I can't just hang out on MWO all day? sheeesh. .

WW xox

[Peanut]

Day 31 - 60 AF. Who's In?

Hi everybody,

Pamina - thanks for your "essay"!!! It has given me alot to think about actually! Especially the part about developing "a frisky drinking habit over a long period" - I think that describes exactly what has happened in my life. Not sure if a month is long enough to get over that habit, which is why I am so afraid of falling back into it. I so don't want to do the daily bottle of wine thing any more, but I also don't want to rule wine out of my life completely either. I can't remember who, but somebody on the Sober Living thread a while back mentioned a Habit Busting program, and that seemed to be right up my alley, as"habits" seem to really be my thing - not so sure about how strong the physical dependency thing is for me right now, but habits are so easy for me to slip into. I must be very, very careful. So thanks for your thoughts on the matter.

LVT -nice when that darn scale finally drops. I'm hating this plateau I'm stuck on!!!

Hi WW and all you other lovelies on this thread! Must get some work done here, but will check in again later. I just can't leave this MWO site alone - seems to be my lifeline to AF sanity for me!!!!
xoxox Peanut