Relationships

[Captnjack]

I love my partener so much!!! however 18 years I just can't pin point it but I think I have fallen out of love...... I think..... I'm not sure???? she is my best freind she is wonderfull , but I have forgotten that falling in LOVE thing !!!!. I so wish to fall in love again those first few days define a life time and are so wonderful..... sorry thinking aloud

[time2change]

Relationships

Captn
18 years is a very long time to be together. We become comfortable in the relationship and take each other for granted. Some people are able to see that and change it while others just accept it.
For me I know that I have fallen out of love and am truly sad that it has happened. We are still together but not happy.
Sorry I don't have good advice for you but as you can see I am not in a position to give you advice. I wish you nothing but happiness. Falling in love really is a great experience.

[Captnjack]

Relationships

"We are still together but not happy". thats me time the relationship is renovations my pay check how could you not look after your daughter type thing......I long for those falling in love days what went wrong!!!!!!!!!.
Love cap

[Captnjack]

Relationships

AWE shit time you sound so unhappy"hey I love you life's a bugger isn't it"
love Cap

[time2change]

Relationships

Captnjack;358358 wrote: "hey I love you life's a bugger isn't it"
love Cap

Sure is. I don't know how things went the way they did, but sure wish they were different for both of us.
Love
Time

[Captnjack]

Relationships

Time :l:l:l:l:l

[Captnjack]

Relationships

she just woke up and screamed at me sorry for my dear Lucy but mum and dad don't love each other any more., but I love you

[Seacailin]

Relationships

So Sorry

I am sorry for what u are going through. I was married for 17 years and I think we just got caught up in the kids and our jobs. When the kids got older, we just kind of looked at each other like "now what" We had nothing in common besides the kids. Of course, we met and married surrounded by AL. We did end up divorced. My sister is going through the same thing as well, 25 years of marriage to a workaholic. She confided to me that she has been too lonely for too long. She is contemplating divorce now.
I hope things work out for u either way.

[Captnjack]

Relationships

thanks sea

[time2change]

Relationships

Captn
No matter what your children should always feel loved and safe. I know how important that is too you. Also, what to point out it is possible to love someone without being in love with them.
My story is alot like Sea said. My kids have grown and no longer are dependent on us for everything. The older one finished his first year at college and we have discovered we have nothing in common except our kids. With the older one not playing sports right now we basically do nothing together.
The reason I say this is because I think there are many people who this happens to. In my case I started to use AL to deal with the problems in my marriage years ago. He has always been abusing some substance or other. Here it is years later and now that I am starting to deal with the AL problems, I am realizing the the marriage problems are no better only worse. I guess the point is that for me it is so important to get my problems with AL under control so I can figure out what I need to do about the relationship.
Captn' we all love you here and want you to be happy. :l:l:h

[Captnjack]

Relationships

thanks

[Captnjack]

Relationships

thanks mate

[Dolly Sunshine]

Relationships

It sucks but honestly even with someone else you have those first few weeks of excitement and reality steps in. But I do know what you mean I miss getting excited to see someone walk in the door.

[tlrgs]

Relationships

True love: what it is and what it isn't.Find out if you've got the real deal. Find out what to do to get the real McCoy. Try out our short course on "True Love 101".

I can picture the day. Rice flying, a limo pulling up to take him and me to the airport, white clusters of flowers on the pews, tears in my mother's eyes, my bridesmaids in lavender chiffon....

All the details of my wedding day are worked out in my head. All of them, that is, except for the groom. Oops. That's an important part, huh?

Love. It's a commonly thrown around four-letter word. "I love macaroni and cheese." "I love Vanilla Ice." (Remember that?) Sometimes, even an "I love him" or "I love her."

What is real love? And is there a difference between that and the heart-pounding adrenaline rush I feel when I see...? You know the person I'm talking about. That hot guy playing basketball at the gym... the cute girl who makes eye contact as she passes by... the friend of a friend of a friend... maybe a best friend. It's that person we keep track of when he or she is in the same room, whose comments and actions we analyze to no end.

There are a few things love isn't. Love isn't a feeling. Although real love is often accompanied by strong feelings, love does not equate with the sense of floating on clouds. Unlike the type of love that movies, television, and songs portray, people in love don't always feel ooey gooey around each other.

A relationship wouldn't last long on emotions. In fact, knowledge is the basis of a healthy relationship.

Knowing about the other person is key. I used to and sometimes still do "fall in love" with guys that I have never had a conversation with, whether it be a movie star in the latest romantic drama or the guy sitting behind me in a calculus class. I would know his name and his face, and that was the extent of my knowledge of him. If I were to start a relationship with him, who knows where that would lead us!

Knowing about the person's personality and character are so important. One good test is to list the qualities that attract us to that guy or girl. If the list is long, we know a lot about them and like those things. If the list is short, we either don't know a lot about them or we know a lot but aren't attracted to his or her personality.

Another important factor in a relationship is common life goals. If the relationship is going to be long term, we need to be going in the same general direction as the other person. If his dream is to travel as an international businessman and she wants to be a realtor in a single location, conflict could arise. If she wants to live in the countryside with nature and he likes the hustle and bustle of a big city, there are potentially serious problems with the direction of the couple's lives.

Love isn't sex. That statement alone goes against a lot of what the entertainment industry feeds us. Whenever two people hook up in pop culture, they have sex. Without showing some of the unpleasant realities of premarital and extramarital sex, it is drawn up to be a wonderful, fun recreational activity.

Sex is created for marriage--a long-lasting commitment between a couple. Outside of marriage, sex can have harsh consequences. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, guilt, insecurity, and shame can follow. A relationship based on lust can only last as long as the two are physically close and find each other sexually attractive.

Love is a choice. It's a commitment. Although feelings will accompany love, and although sex will be a part of marriage, a lasting, healthy relationship cannot be based on these things.

The Bible says that God is love. God, as our designer and creator, made us with needs for love. Do you ever wonder why we constantly seek love from others but never feel completely satisfied? It's because God designed us for an unconditional love, and we, as people, are flawed.

People, whether friends, family, or your significant other, will invariably let you down at some point. God wants us to find our need for love and acceptance in him first. One person cannot meet all our needs, even if he's funny or she's thoughtful.

We were made for God's love, and God's love alone can fill that need. Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love.

TRUE LOVE 101: What does it take to be that significant other?

[tlrgs]

Relationships

What is the Main Reason that People Fall out of Love?

Of course, there are numerous reasons why people break up, but they are not always the same ones as why people fall "out of love".

The term "to fall out of love" implies that they?ve been in love before and all of a sudden the love is gone.

This is of course an illusion. Nobody loses their love overnight.

In my experience there are 3 main reasons why people don?t love anymore, and therefore break up with their partners.

1. Their expectations weren?t met

If you meet a person and you are really attracted, you tend to idealize things. You fall in love with that person, because everything is so new, so fresh. The sex is great, you?re having a great time discovering all the positive attributes of your partner. All your needs and expectations are being addressed, and when they?re not, you simply put your rose-colored glasses on.

The problem here is that your view of your partner is not always a realistic one. Everyone gives their best, tries to show a better self and to hide possible flaws.

We accommodate and compromise much easier at the beginning.

The problem here is that they met each other?s expectations at the beginning, but later on in the relationship, when the fire has cooled off a little, they tend to pull off their masks and show their real selves.

Now they are acting how they really are. No more compromising, no more accommodation, no more meeting the partners needs.

And here is where it can lead to conflicts because someone will not have their needs fulfilled, and will feel betrayed in a way.

This is usually the moment when the person "falls out of love".

2. Was it really Love?

Another problem is that people very often cannot say if they?re in love or not. They confuse sexual fulfillment with love.

This happens very often to young people, or people who have been in a long term relationship or marriage for a long time. They confuse the initial fulfillment of a need which has not been met for a long time with love.

Once this urge has been satisfied, (this doesn?t always have to be a sexual need), they suddenly lose interest and "fall out of love".

Of course, it wasn?t love in the first place, that?s why the whole thing appears out of the blue.

3. Mistreatment

Unfortunately it happens frequently, especially with men, that they start sweet and kind and later on they become loud and abusive.

Violence is of course the most extreme case, very often the partners suddenly change their behavior in ways that cannot be tolerated any more by the other one. Good examples are drug and alcohol abuse.

The partner finds that they are very disappointed and loses their love for the person, because their basic needs aren?t provided any more. The relationship isn?t fulfilling and healthy.

Knowing Why is Helpful

The knowledge of the 3 reasons why people can fall out of love can be helpful to us. They can teach us how to behave correctly at the beginning of a relationship.

We have to have realistic expectations about love and relationships, and most of all we have to be who we really are right from the beginning.

Make clear what your needs are despite the risk that your new partner might not love it.

Pretending and cutting back your basic needs will only draw a false picture of you, a picture which will fade with time and possibly make your partner eventually fall out of love with you.

Would you take that risk? I won?t.