Any advice on rearing kids??

[Bandit]

Hi All,
I posted a very 'down' post last night feeling quite seriously worried about losing my marbles. Feel way better today but besides work worries, money worries etc. I am finding it hard going with my son lately. He is only 3, almost 4 but he moans almost constantly and is ignoring me completly when I ask him to do or not to do something. He is also seriously obsessed with sweets but I try not to give them much. I know negative attention can be better than no attention to a child so I do try hard to be positive and reward him and his sister (she is nearly 6 and has always been a very easy and pleasant going child) when they do good things but within seconds he is back to moaning again even when we are doing something nice. It can really wear you down. When he does something bad I really don't know what way to approach it any more. I have tried time out etc. etc. Even my mum who has LOTS of experience finds him tough going. My husband usually leaves it up to me to sort things out and I know we need to put on a united front but cannot agree on how exactly to do this. He will be starting full-time at a montessori in September and I hope this will help as I think he has a very active mind and a lot of it could be boredom(my son that is - lol) Any advice welcome!
Bandit

[Accountable for Me]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Can you take him to a drop in play group?

I had so many problems with my daughter; and I still do actually. She turned 3 in May.

I came to the conclusion, after many trips to doctors etc... that she is a very active child with loads of energy. If she doesn't burn it off; well shit hits the fan at home. I honestly thought, still possibly think, she could have Oppositional Defiance Disorder. People just tell me it is her age.

Time outs.......... don't work here either.

Burning her out through out the day seems to work best for mine. Even when we get home after work, I take her for a walk after dinner; no matter how tired I am. Daycare does a great job, just not enough it seems.

I can empathize.

Love,
A fellow mom of a toddler - LOL!

[Guest]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Have you taken him to a pediatrician (specialists) at all for an evaluation to see if there is something wrong or if that it is just his personality? My child has problems hearing and has to go for an operation; sometimes she can hear me, other times it's like she hears nothing at all..and I don't think she can. After her ears get worked on we are going back again to the ped. and get her evaluated again to see if we need to give extra attention to certain areas of her development. The hearing problem set her back, so we will be doing it anyway...but it's good to know what we need to focus on. She gets frustrated as well, as sometimes she can't get her point acrost to us..we are just very patient with her, if we remain calm and upbeat she senses that and she is fine. She's come quite far in the last month, but the operation will be the tell tale on what's going on really...hopefully, it's just a blockage in her ear or she needs tubes and it doesn't go any further than that. But, as a mommy, I need to know what to do to help her out in any way I can.

[Cinders]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Bandit,

What I did with both of my kids was "burn them out."

I put them in sports of every kind. Something they loved but wore them out.

It worked well.

My daughter was the fastest swimmer in the city. Her name is still on the boards at the City Leagues. She is 26.

Do whatever it takes to keep them busy.

Idle hands do the devil's work, as they say.

Keep them really busy.

Love,
Cindi

[Guest]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Accountable for Me;362118 wrote: Can you take him to a drop in play group?

I had so many problems with my daughter; and I still do actually. She turned 3 in May.

I came to the conclusion, after many trips to doctors etc... that she is a very active child with loads of energy. If she doesn't burn it off; well shit hits the fan at home. I honestly thought, still possibly think, she could have Oppositional Defiance Disorder. People just tell me it is her age.

Time outs.......... don't work here either.

Burning her out through out the day seems to work best for mine. Even when we get home after work, I take her for a walk after dinner; no matter how tired I am. Daycare does a great job, just not enough it seems.

I can empathize.

Love,
A fellow mom of a toddler - LOL!

I hear you, mine is almost 3. Time outs..hahaha. Not a chance.
We run her all day, she is so active it's crazy. She still gets her naps or she gets really cranky, and I would rather have her up till 9pm then keep her up during the day and cranky without her proper sleep. She may be way more active, but she is happy and laughing and that's all that matters to me.

[Accountable for Me]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Ha ha... mine sounds about the same Gia. Mine does nap a few times a week. She is pretty cranky (or short tempered) if she doesn't get her nap in.

Mine goes to bed when I do. She is up when I am. Drives me mental! But hey, she and her sibling are my world.

I am sure this will pass ;-)

and, I agree wholeheartedly with you about being calm and patient. I found myself fighting with her. Too funny! I was actually arguing with a 2+ year old. Since taking a different approach (being calm and ignoring the outbursts; they seem to have lessened some what).

[Bandit]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Well at least its not just me, been thinking lately that I am not so hot at the Mum role.
Yes, I think you are right about the burning out/physical exercise idea. Despite money being tight I did bring in some extra money this month so invested some of it in some active outdoor play items (trampoline, tennis kit, slide and swings etc.), was quite excited by the prospect of setting it all up but the weather has been so bad here lately that a no go. However, will try tomorrow. I did try and put the trampoline together today but I think I will need to go back to school to figure it out - first part of the instructions was to make sure that no other children or pets were hiding under it - I think my pets might have figured that one out by themselves - after that I gave up!. Going swimming at the local indoor pool on Sunday despite dreading the thought of getting into a swimsuit - have dropped a lot of weight lately (back to what to what I was when I got married but with the lovely baby tummy!) but I am so white I look like a ghost!. Also, some of the neighbour's kids will be back from vacation next week and they do like to play together - say a prayer for some good weather. I cannot get over just how much energy my kids have especially my son - he's up at 6am and active until about 8pm. Sleeps well at night though.
By the way Gia I must say you look great what with twins on the way and all!!

[brittzak]

Any advice on rearing kids??

When I was small I had a hearing problem, I actually was nearly deaf. My Mom thought I was ignoring her too. I could hear sometimes and not other times...it is very frustrating for a child as you don't know what is wrong with you since you do hear sometimes.......Gia, you may see BIG improvement once she can hear you properly.

[Preciouspinot]

Any advice on rearing kids??

I find with my three that beating them until they stop whining and complaing is quite an effective method

Of course, I am just kidding!!!!! My middle son (who is seven now) is ADHD and extremely hyper. My daughter is a real handful too (she will be 5 next month).

It does get better as they get older, I promise. The run them until they wear out works for me too. Most weekends we are out and about from morning to night. Sometimes being out in public is better because they are embarrased to act up front of strangers.

I'm sure you will find out what works for you and your child. 1..2..3 was really good. Outloud you state "this is your 1st warning...this is your 2nd" and at 3 is the punishment your have already pre-determined and have told your child. This gives them the opportunity to "get it together" with some wiggle room...because you are teaching self control...takes a while. At first, you will probably always get to 3 and punish but, after a while they get it and you only get to 2.

Remember to take time for you to re-charge your batteries :h

[Guest]

Any advice on rearing kids??

We are getting our pool up for her on the weekend; she loves the water so we hit the beaches every weekend and she runs up and down in the sand, throws rocks into the water and the fresh air is good for her. She sleeps really well when it's beach day. Swimming is great for them!

AFM - I think we share the same child...

Bandit - It's hard lugging around two babies in your belly, but with a swat team of people ready to make me happy...it's not so hard.

[evie]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Reminds me of my son who is now 9. He was obsessed with chocolate! Was highly strung and very emotional. Time out? Not a chance! I think he was hungry most of the time and also bored! I'm afraid there is no easy answer!
Now he is one of the easiest of children (so take heart!).(I have 2 others , a 7 year old and a 2 year old!). I think the best advise I can give is to say try not to get too wound up and if you do remind yourself whether he is hungry, and don't beat yourself up if you end up giving him sweets!It is really not the end of the world.
When I say my eldest son was obsessed with chocolate - he once had a 2 hour+ continual tantrum because he wanted a packet of magic stars!
Eviexx

[KateH1]

Any advice on rearing kids??

When my children were little, I had the opportunity to take a course from a child psychologist by the name of Foster Kline.....he wrote a great gook called, "Raising Your Children With a Sense of Humor." I have no idea if it is still available. At that time, my youngest, my biggest challenge was 3 years old. I remember him saying that the "Job" of a three year old is to test every single boundary. They are just learning how to spread their wings, what is acceptable and what is not. They honestly do not know! Their minds as well as their bodies need exercise! I love that you take walks with your daughter AFM! Gia, you are such a loving mom!! I think quiet time is just as important as playing hard. My kids always had Art time and Story time. They really loved it! Playing with playdough and reading a book is so good to teach them how to be quiet. I honestly think we teach children about "balance" when they are very young and it carries them through as they get older.

Bandit, I wrote a very long reply to you last night and it got blipped!! I will try it again over the weekend. You sound like such a good mum! Balancing working from home and children at the same time is really a huge challenge, and yes, you do need some time for yourself as well. That is not selfish, it is healthy and healthy for your children as well!! I think you are all better mums then you give yourselves credit for!! To be honest, I miss my children being small and at home. That is why I have my granddaughters every chance I get!!

Her's to you ladies doing the hardest, yet most rewarding job in the world!!!

XXX Kate

[Guest]

Any advice on rearing kids??

one2many;362138 wrote: I praise the good behaviour...."oh you are playing nicely"..."oh you did no crying today"...L

I am all for that as well..works wonders. Now, when she does she is proud of she raises her arms in the air and we clap and go "yaahhh"... she gets the biggest smile and tries something new and different. What a little woman she is, it's amazing to see her grow and do new things everyday. I always tell her what a good girl she is, how smart she is, how pretty...when she does get upset it doesn't last very long at all anymore.

[Popeye]

Any advice on rearing kids??

I took all my child-rearing advice from Homer Simpson......
"When you're 18, you're out the door" :H

[KateH1]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Popeye, my parents used to say this to us. It was so hurtful! Sorry, I just do not find this funny!