Any advice on rearing kids??

[Bandit]

Any advice on rearing kids??

A sense of humour!

KateH1,
Thank you for the post. I will certainly look for that book you refer to - I like the title!
Yes, I think my son is trying to test me and I do need to set boundaries but my husband has to help me too. I had a very good childhood but he did not, punishment was always physical and quite badly too so I think he is very uncomfortable about the whole area. However, I know he wants to be a happy dad and not get angry - one time when he came back from hospital and was especially narky he cried (which he does not do often) and does not want them to remember him as giving out all the time. My daughter recently asked him why he doesn't smile much and he felt so sad about it. But I know he is so tired - at work on the road all week. One of my regrets is that I did not train to be a child psychologist. My background is psychology but I went into the occupational area of it mainly because I was nervous about having to make decisions about children, behaviour etc.,
I want to look back on my life and be proud of the most important reason why I was here.
Bandit

[ASH]

Any advice on rearing kids??

rearing children

Hi there - I totally feel your pain, confusion. I have two boys, now 8 and 11 and my 8 year old was the most frustrating upsetting child on Earth (to me and my husband). He started off screaming and as he got older, he exhibited the same traits your child exhibits. We were at our wits end -even took him to a child psychologist at age 4 who said "this child is just "RAW" - I felt lost then but she said to get down on his level and act like his tantrums were nothing, ignore him, laugh at him, etc. - of course none of that worked. Then, I noticed one day that his eyes were crossing when he watched tv or focused on something (esp. noticed it in a picture) - we don't stare at our kids head on most of the time - took him to a Dr. and they said he was almost blind in one eye!!! Did the whole patch thim (thank God) and it worked but he has a strong prescrip for glasses and wears bifocals. I also found out that he is hard of hearing!!! He really couldn't tell me that but once I knew, it made live easier - I understood that he really wasn't ignoring me! He grew out of these phases by about 6 but still had his moments - but now he was acting like a "typical" kid - he is smart and is the funniest little kid I've ever met! His older brother is the quieter, calmer one - but Jack, the 8 year old has thrived and has even blossomed BECAUSE of his problems! HANG IN THERE!!! I would definitely check out the eyes/ears - Jack's head hurt all the time because of his eye problems and he couldnt' hear!! Of course as a toddler he was acting out!! You are the best mom just asking these questions!!! There are tons of us out there!! Keep asking! Love ASH

[lukalee]

Any advice on rearing kids??

This is a great thread with a lot of great advice. Unless we have a child with zero personality, we will have trouble with them at some point!!! Children get frustrated, angry, and sad just like the rest of us. I know I can throw my own temper tantrum from time to time.
All people (children) are different. Because of this, we have to learn what it is that each of them need for discipline. Time out really does work, but you must find a way to make it work for your given situation. Time out did not work with my youngest son (now 6), but we made a strategy together. Just like in early years in school, we made a "light system". Every morning he starts on the green light. If he misbehaves (he is a big whiner) he gets one warning. Then he is moved into yellow, then into red, which is a time out. The thing about using time out is that you need to also use a reward system. "If you stay in green all day, you will be rewarded by ......." It takes time and patience. It will take at least a few days to get it going. And once they have a "green" day, they really strive to have more of them.
There is a lot of mention of keeping kids active. This is a great idea, but at this age you must be careful. Children can be overstimulated, and you are going to end up with the opposite effect of what you want. If your child gets cranky and out of control when he or she does not have a nap, when you introduce new activities, do not crete them around nap times. Make sure you have consistency and a schedule. This is hard when you are a single parent sharing custody because the kids are bouncing around, but it can be done.
There was a great book my pediatriacian recommended. I cannot think of it, but I will try to ask. I think it is called "Children Who Challenge" There is an example for slighly older siblings who always seem to fight all the time (like mine). When you have cake and they need to share, they are bound to bitch about something. "Oh, he got the bigger piece...blah, blah, blah..." The solution is one gets to cut the cake and the other gets to choose the piece after they are cut. The philosophy is that the one cutting is going to try to cut it to perfection while the other can't possibly complain about the cut because he or she gets to choose. I love this, because it really does work.
I guess the purpose of this lonnngggg post is to say that there are ways to help every child. The hard part is finding those ways. I admit, there are days I want to choke my kids. Just choke, choke, choke. But in reality, it is not their fault and it is my responsibility to be the bigger person and discipline so they are productive members of society. Unfortunately, sometimes it is a long, hard process to find what works.

[Accountable for Me]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Oooo... I love the 1rst chance, 2nd chance, 3rd chance thing. I just introduced that into my parenting method. The only thing is that Hailey is a complete 'asshole' and repeats it after me! Not kidding!!!

My friend has 4 kids and has one of those enclosed or netted trampolines. She calls it her babysitter. Her kids will spend hours on the sucker! It works like a charm. I am saving my pennies for one of those. I had her take care of Hailey one day for a few hours and, Hailey bounced her heart out. When I picked her up she was a sleep in my van within minutes.

Bandit - you are definitely NOT alone! Also, if you need to vent to us mothers, please do! Getting stuff off your chest and having others in similar situations really helps! We don't only speak of AL. We talk about all sorts of stuff which can contribute to Al.

All the best!

[Guest]

Any advice on rearing kids??

We're getting one of those trampolines..she loves them! She likes to dance as well, so we turn the music on and dance together..it's so freaking cute!

[Lila]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Trampolines??? Please check into the safety of those!!! I know they really up your insurance, and for a reason.
My youngest is 7, and her tactic is whining and crying. My book was The Continuum Concept. That's more for babies, but it influenced me.
Kids are hard to deal with and take a lot of energy.
I have a mini-tramp and that is really nice. Big outdoor tramps just really scare me.
TV is horrible. It teaches kids to not rely on themselves, or be creative. My youngest has been exposed to the most TV, and it seems like she says 'I'm bored' a lot more than the other kids.
Take care of yourself!
Lila

[Guest]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Lila;362184 wrote: Trampolines??? Please check into the safety of those!!! I know they really up your insurance, and for a reason.
My youngest is 7, and her tactic is whining and crying. My book was The Continuum Concept. That's more for babies, but it influenced me.
Kids are hard to deal with and take a lot of energy.
I have a mini-tramp and that is really nice. Big outdoor tramps just really scare me.
TV is horrible. It teaches kids to not rely on themselves, or be creative. My youngest has been exposed to the most TV, and it seems like she says 'I'm bored' a lot more than the other kids.
Take care of yourself!
Lila

The new trampolines they have out are very safe; they have really good netting and they are all enclosed, and they don't have springs for the child to fall through. These are not the old kind we used in gym class or anything like that.

[lukalee]

Any advice on rearing kids??

I love mothers!!! We go through so much!!! It is very different but very much the same!! Accountable, my son was the one that came up with the idea. I think it really helps to sit down with them and say, "Hey, we're having a bit of a problem here; how are we going to fix this? When a child comes up with the solution what are they going to say, "Hey that's not fair?" And it really makes them think before they act.
And as far as the "chances" and arguing, have the child make his or her own chart however they want to make it. You can use clothes pins or whatever you want. You give the first verbal warning. If they want to be a smart ass about it, move the clothes pin without saying anything into the yellow. Eventually they get it.
Trampolines scare the crap out of me too. My sister has one, and every time my kids get on it I envision them breaking their neck. But I let them do it. I think back when I was a kid. Seatbelt, helmets? Yeah, right. When it starts getting dark or cloudy outside, I drag my kids inside because I don't want them to get struck by lightening. I remember running through the rain and puddles accumulated on the street corners, allowing the cars to splash me with gasoline drenched puddles.
My mother, God rest her soul, I don't know how she remained sane. I think about my childhood and all the free, spirited adventures I had. My kids will do the same things I did and I want to have a heart attack. I will see 5 inches of mud tracks in my house and want to vomit. That woman never drank, how the heck did she put up with our crap?

[Guest]

Any advice on rearing kids??

lukalee;362192 wrote: I I remember running through the rain and puddles accumulated on the street corners, allowing the cars to splash me with gasoline drenched puddles.

I remember doing that, what fun!

[Bandit]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Hi Lukalee,
My mother never drank either but raised nine of us. I often think about how she got through the day without the odd swig or two. I think she might have had but she never started drinking, met my dad at a young age, he was a devout catholic and total pioneer but then again maybe that is how she did it. She is as healthy as an ox at the age of 78 and puts me to shame. I just wish she had more going on mentally and emotionally in her life at present.
Bandit

[Lila]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Hmmm.........I do worry. My daughters both are gymnasts and they would love an outdoor fenced tramp. I will investigate.
My mom let all of us kids just roam wild...no seatbelts, no bike helmets..now we are so obsessed with safety.
My little one spent most of the day today at the public pool. It was so hot. I dragged myself there but it was very nice.
Lila

[Lila]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Don't they just drive us to drink???

[Guest]

Any advice on rearing kids??

Lila;362205 wrote: Hmmm.........I do worry. My daughters both are gymnasts and they would love an outdoor fenced tramp. I will investigate.
My mom let all of us kids just roam wild...no seatbelts, no bike helmets..now we are so obsessed with safety.
My little one spent most of the day today at the public pool. It was so hot. I dragged myself there but it was very nice.
Lila

You can get them at Costco... I'm wanting to get one next month for us all to go in and play together. We'll see though... so many other things we all want as well. Decisions..decisions. Our yard is going to look like a playground soon. The pools are great! I love the parent and tot swims.