struggling

[jay42]

, really struggling at the moment .. i have one to one counscelling starting tommrow so i hope it will enable me to turn the corner ..
im a binge drinker i can go many days then . some internal wiring kicks me off again .i hate myself for leting myself down ... if i ddint drink i would be in tip top shape what with the gym etc ..
im a person of extremes when i feel good i know the right food etc things to keep me heatlhy and my activities
then wheni do drink . i just go back into my shell and cant cope anymore .
a kingdom divided in itself shall perish .
looking for unity really in all aspects and i must keep working at it .. thats all one can do .
.. its all to do really with self medication ie booze for all my problems a psych just gives u a anti depressant .. im not depressed i just want alcohol to leave my life .. but only i can do it . and i wont give up
. love all
jay

[hippie37]

struggling

Evening Jay!

I used to have what I would call 'hendrix syndrome' with the philosophy that it was better to burn out than to fade away. My lifestyle choices were very hedonistic and I, like you, used to binge (and in my case on a cocktail of drink and drugs.) I was taking anti-depressants for years when realistically for many of those years I was not depressed but simply on a come-down or self detoxing between binges. The only real time I think I was truly depressed was last Christmas when life really was too unbearable and I did actually have thoughts of suicide (enhanced by the drink no doubt!). I concluded that after my last slip in early May I had finally turned a corner with the binge/lifestyle culture that I thought I so desperately wanted to be a part of again. I was very like you in the sense that I would get sober, eat the right foods, get healthy and get my mind focused then BHAM!! I was wanting a drink. Something simple like a hot sunny day and reminiscing about sitting in open fields with mates sharing a drink and a spliff etc is all it took or seeing my old mates chillin out on a Sunday Afternoon after partying the night before at a rave.

Anyway I digress!! Good luck with the one to one tomorrow and I do hope it will enable you to turn that corner. I think my last slip was my real turning point and I feel a lot more confident these days. It took me 11 months to reach that point. Some find it sooner, others later but we all find it at some point in our lives if we really want it to happen. Just never give up trying and it will happen.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[Winefree]

struggling

Struggling...............exactly what I told my husband today. He doesn't think I am even trying to quit...if he only knew the silent talking in my head on a daily basis.
Keep up the struggle, I do believe it will be worth it in the end....any day without AL is a good day.
I recently went 4 days AF and felt good, only to start again.
I will not stop trying, I still have hope.

Hoping to be,
Winefree

[tlrgs]

struggling

it only takes time and thats what we have .you will find that deep within yourself just dont give up..keep on looking for the answers they are there

[Seacailin]

struggling

Sorry that u are struggling Jay. I hope the counseling helps. Hang in there. Look forward to hearing how it goes. I was struggling so much myself and never thought I could put 9 days together AF, but with the help of my doctor and all of the wonderful people here, I did it. I know that there will always be difficult times, but this is a battle for my life, and I want to live.

[KateH1]

struggling

Hi Jay,
You know, this is the most encouraging post that I have ever read, authoured by you! It sounds like you are beginning to figure some things out. I am glad for you.

You know, believe it or not, this is not easy for any of us. In fact, it takes a lot of work and focus, but, it is all so well worth it! And I totally agree with what Hippie had to say regarding depression and alcohol. It really scares me, even today, to think of how horribly depressed and hopeless I can become when drinking and the next day as well. I also had all of the "labels and diagnosis" to prove to me that I "deserved to be depressed", ADD, PTSD, etc. The funny thing is, that now, at 6 months AF, I feel really good. Yes, I still have moments, of sadness, some anxiety from time to time, but it passes quite quickly. I know have the tools, as well as a healthy mind and body to deal with what ever life may bring on!

I wish the same for you! Just stay focused, use the tools you have, your therapist, and I believe the Kudzu and L-glut also really help!! You will get there Jay, just keep staying AF, one day at a time!

Best!
Kate

[Niblet]

struggling

Hello Jay,
As a good friend of yours now for quite some time, I just want you to know that I believe in you xxx Thank-You for trusting us all with your feelings. I really hope that you gain some insight with the councellling... Only the best to you my friend xxx
Sincerely,

[Thankful]

struggling

Wow, a lot of great advise here. I don't mean to mimic everyone else, but I too thought I suffered from depression for years only to have it magically disappear when I committed to being sober. I also have magically cleared up insomnia, a lot of arthritis pain, memory losses, anti-social issues...the list goes on.

While you are enjoying your AF days, come here. Don't just come here when you've already started binging. By spending time here sober, may be you can break the cycle of starting a binge again. Jump on and let us be there for you before it's too late.

Give this AF gift to yourself, Jay. And don't let anything pull it from your grasp.

Love, Me
:l

[brittzak]

struggling

It is proven that alcohol is a depressant...thus, drinking al will make you depressed and if you already have some issues with depression...just when you are getting up from a fall, another load comes right on top of your head...the difference between an alcoholic and other folks is we attempt to drank the pain away...perhaps you are sucessful for a day or two. But, at some point you gotta sober up...and deal with life. Jay, it sounds like you are truly making that effort...good for you. You may be surprised how good you will feel when you get AF time under your belt. perhaps you won't need meds at all. I have been given every anti-depressant under the sun...which by the way, do not work effectively if drinking...and ya know what changed my outlook on life...sobriety. I am on NOTHING now. I finally realized that when the AL goes, so does the bottom of the barrel depression and hopelessness. I wish you much happiness and peace.

[louise]

struggling

Jay, I'm glad to hear you saying you will never give up. I hope the counseling is helpful. Maybe some anti craving meds would help too???

[kendall jackson]

struggling

hi all... day 14 for me... longest in 20 years. winefree i hope to be winefree forever. the cravings have died down but still there. i hope i can continue. this website has really helped me. i feel if i have a craving i get on here, it seems to help. talked to my alcoholic brother tonight, he took over 30 lithiums in an attempt to commit suicide. i keep reminding myself that i don't want to get to the point where he is. i feel i was on the same path. hang in there all
kendall

[julie001]

struggling

Don't ever give up! Good luck, Jay!

Julie