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    #31
    Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

    Tough,

    Hub is presently having issues with our 29 yr. old son - who seems to "know all". I have a tendancy to chase and want to fix things, when there is a problem. My hub, on the other hand has an approach that seems to be more effective. He had several talks with our son. Discussed the issue in an attempt to resolve. Son just wants to hang on to the drama! So, hub has just let it "be there". We continue to call and include him in all family activities. He always responds with, "I'll let you know". But , so far, does not call us, either way. (He was raised better than that!) Tonight is the birthday dinner for the twins- eating out. He was called. He said he will let us know. I doubt that we will hear from him. But, like others have said, "This too shall pass". Sometimes when we chase too much, we actually repel what we are chasing. At times it is best to let them feel the uncomfortable-ness of the distance that they have created. Just a thought.

    Hugs, Best
    "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

    Comment

      #32
      Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

      TIT, I'm glad you are feeling better and relieved to hear you will not be seeing this counselor again. It sounds like she is very much from the extreme AA school of thinking. I once was in out patient treatment and part way through a new counselor joined and she was like this. I felt like I suddenly had a marine drill sargent "helping" me. I had not had a drink for weeks and went straight home and had one just to prove I could have 1 and not die. I think you will do much better if you can find someone who supports your way and encourages you, not goes off telling your daughter what you need to do. Your daughter may be scared, but if even your husband is reporting how well you are doing, with only occasional slips, you know you are doing ok even if not at your goal. It may be that you not feeling well enough to go shopping set off old memories if there was a history of not following through when you were drinking.
      In my opinion, idolizing a counselor and wanting to be just like them is not healthy. And the way she treated you is not how a best friend would treat you, it is how an emotionally immature daughter would treat you; she may technically be an adult but if she is still totally dependent on you and reacts by screaming and threatening you with kidnapping the dog she is not an adult. I think your plan of going off for a bit and letting things cool down is good. And lets face it, making these "I'll never do it again" promises to people are not helpful. It sets them up for anger and disappointment and ourselves for guilt which we have plenty of already. You had a slip. You hope it is the last. You are back on your program. You appreciate her concern but threats are not helpful. And if she wants to cut off her nose to spite her face, you and your husband will have a lovely holiday by yourselves in Costa Rica. Maybe that is just what you need.

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        #33
        Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

        Well Tex,
        I'm going to send you encouragement along with my lil' old opinion.... xxx
        "Your daughter is acting out like a spoiled little brat !!! Although alot of it I'm guessing is from fear... We are so much more intense if we are afraid of something. Your daughter I think is worried about your health issues, and can only "control" the alcohol part of it and not the cancer scare part"...
        The counselor needs be addressed before being no longer needed by you. She is supposed to be the professional in this ordeal. She has miserably been only a disservice.
        Blackmail by anybody is the lowest of the low and NOT acceptable in any way shape or form... If you feel yourself being weak, read Magics post once more. Our wise Magic has hit the nail on the head in my lil' old opinion.
        I love you sooooo much and want only the very best for you as you DESERVE it !!!!
        PS, Funny how a spoiled lil' brat acts up when the light isn't on them but rather a world champion mare as well as "HER" Mom... hmmmm..... does this young lady have jelously issues??? just a thought.

        ~ I hear a whinny on the wind~

        Comment

          #34
          Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

          From an American Greetings card:

          "Tina was so tough her poodle skirt had a bulldog on it."

          "Just remember you're tougher
          workout:chick:mwo2

          It's my world to make now...cuz I found my way out.

          Comment

            #35
            Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

            ah honey i love you. so sorry you are having challanges with your daughter. i know that time does heal things. and i know that drinking no matter just a little changes us. as we are different even in between the drinking. this is i know because i'm no longer drinking at all. and unlike you my sisters doing the mods i just know this for myself. so i love you and i know it will work itself out. but i do love you very much. i don't have any advice. your daughter is just as tough as you. so you two are going to have to decide what you choose to do for yourselves.
            :welcome:

            Comment

              #36
              Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

              Niblet!

              I like your way of thinking. You and my hub would get along great! When I try to ask him about our son, he growls and says. "I talked to him, now he just needs to get over it!" LOL! :H
              "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

              Comment

                #37
                Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

                me too

                I agree w/ what everyone here has said TNT, I love you and hope this works out, sorry I have been so darn busy I don't have time for ANYTHING anymore..................you are in my thoughts though, TRULY.

                love,:l:l:l:l:h:h

                MA
                :rays:My happiness is my greatest gift to others:rays:eace:

                Comment

                  #38
                  Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

                  LOL Best !!! That is too funny !!!

                  ~ I hear a whinny on the wind~

                  Comment

                    #39
                    Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

                    Talk about biting the hand that feeds you! Cut those pursestrings my dear. They both have a lot of nerve! You do not deserve this and I'm wishing you all the best ((((HUGS))))
                    Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
                    - George Jackson

                    Comment

                      #40
                      Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

                      Hi Tough,
                      It also may be that - I suppose maybe this is obvious - that your daughter is scared, and the overzealous, innappropriate therapist just totally manipulated and scared her. Your daughter is young, and maybe just got caught up in it all. I am glad you seem to be staying calm and in control.
                      Lila

                      Comment

                        #41
                        Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

                        I just wanted to send you love and encouragement this morning before heading off to work... I wish we still had Bear to shine his wisdom on this situation... He would likely have this figured out by now...
                        Just know that I love you very much and am praying that you find a happy medium in this... Hugs, xxx and then one more for Chuckles x

                        ~ I hear a whinny on the wind~

                        Comment

                          #42
                          Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

                          Tough,

                          Me, too. Just sending prayers for strength and guidance for you. :l

                          I love my daughter so much and it aches when we are "out of sorts."

                          Love,
                          Cindi
                          AF April 9, 2016

                          Comment

                            #43
                            Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

                            Hi TIT,

                            Hope the intensity of the situation has lessened a bit now and your daughter can see things more clearly. I think the whole thing was very manipulative, as you do too I believe, and the therapist is just awful. I am not much for therapy anyway.

                            Holding good thoughts for you.

                            xo

                            Comment

                              #44
                              Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

                              bestlifeldms;363936 wrote: Tough,

                              Sometimes when we chase too much, we actually repel what we are chasing. At times it is best to let them feel the uncomfortable-ness of the distance that they have created. Just a thought.

                              Hugs, Best
                              Best I love what you said and have learned by experience that it is so true!
                              I have had some 5 years with all three of my kids threatening all sorts, my son only just in the last few weeks made contact after 2 years, I guess he learned a lot in that time.
                              My daughter with teenage step children, has recently learned how much she does not know and how hurtful when they become manipulative, to get their own way.

                              I hope it calms down Toughin texas and you have a lovely holiday,I feel and hope it will.

                              Eastx
                              In life we can live out our dreams its true
                              the one who decides,takes chances,makes choices is YOU.

                              Comment

                                #45
                                Upset my daughter..'bout to have a heart attack over it!

                                Sounds like the counselor is filling her head full of B.S. Yeah I would be pissed. Dont really have any advice since mine are still younger but will be praying for you Tex....love bird

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