Having a rough time...

[Theme2be]

Having a rough time...

I understand and feel empathy for you. I have a death that hit me early on in life. The Love of my life was taken on his bachelor party while I was working out the details of our marriage. He of course drank and drove and in the accident he saved the best mans life.
I have grieved for years.

I wish to encourage you that you belong amongst bright minds and enormous spirits.

Stay in tuned to your self and listen to words given.

Your words are valued.

[Red]

Having a rough time...

Wow! I can totally relate. Everytime I have a crappy day and want to pop a cork I jump on the treadmill until I can "chill out". The "kicker" is that U sell wine for a living. So, I have never paid for vino. When I want to drink or start feeling really sorry for myself I will work out whether lifting weights or running. Because sometimes In my life that is the only think I can control. The first week was the hardest for me - I couldn't sit still and I would DT and shake alot. Then every week got a little easier. And after a year the only time I really want a cold beer or white wine is when it's super hot outside. Through shopping alot, I have found many suitable N/A choices whether wine or beer. Keep Your chin up!! You're doing great!!

[mwo2]

Having a rough time...

Panacea, Sorry that your day ended rough. Hope you are feeling better! You have alot to give and to receive. Emotions are so hard.
Just keep reading and posting. Wish I could run like you! WOW!

[Panacea]

Having a rough time...

Thx so much for the words of encouragement. I made it through and no alcohol, so day 6 begins. Its 7a, and I woke up and thought I was hungover! Don't know why, but had to remind myself I didn't drink. I wake up every morning w/a headache and groggy so far every day out of these AF days, but after coffee, I'm reminded of one of the many reasons I hate drinking, the hangover. It's just funny to me that I wake up and have to "remember" I didn't drink, and I don't feel like crap!

Yesterday was so different. I guess because I finally felt good, (normal), and then by 5pm, my mind just flipped. Not knowing what to do w/this new-found feeling. A bottle of wine would've been the way to deal w/that. Feeling good-reward w/wine!

Ok, so, I can't run again today...knees and feet hurt from my two runs yesterday!!! I'm gonna take a walk, shower, and do what normal people do w/out alcohol....LIVE!!!!

I may be back at 5pm, whining again....maybe earlier, IT'S 5 O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE! (my favorite drinking term, I bet ya'll have heard that one!).

I just LOVE the fact that I have all of you. I know that if this site wasn't here, I wouldn't have sucked it up and had my beloved wine. Looking back to last night, it really wasn't that hard NOT to drink, nothing physical....just not sure what to do with these emotions that keep pouring out. I've been stuffing them down my entire life, but w/alcohol, since I was 15, so 29 years now. Good God! Didn't realize I've been drinking so long.

I wish you all the best today. You have no idea what all of you mean to me, even though I just started posting.

Off to find some sober friends!

[Carmac]

Having a rough time...

Panacea -

Take your thoughts this AM and also add.....I was a success. I did something good for me last night and did it without AF. I'm now in charge, not AL!

I know its hard (been there, done that too many times) but you did it!

Cheers!

[Evie.Lou]

Having a rough time...

Burned TOAST...I hear ya.When I made the choice not to drink,no matter what...everything made me PISSED...Birds singing,my husband bring me flowers,a thank you note from a friend etc. etc. I guess Some part of me didn't feel worthy of being happy so I wanted the world to join my pity party..Thank GOD now i am feeling much more comfortable in my skin...There really is a JOYFUL life after AL and you deserve it...YOU REALLY DO !!!!

[mwo2]

Having a rough time...

Glad you woke up on the positive side. Isn't it the best to wake up groggy? just because you actually slept? Right on !

Indiamike love the "I was a success" I am going to use that for myself.

[bestlifeldms]

Having a rough time...

Panacea,

Stick with it! It gets better. I think there is a blood sugar level connection to your emotional response. The protien suggestion is definately a good one. Even cheese for something quick, if you don't have anything prepared. I kept slices of nice lean turkey in the humidrawer for something quick to grab. Also, I cried my face off during the early AF free days. Cried because I was sad. Cried because I was so pissed off at myself. How could I have let this happen. How could I have wasted all those years. How could I have done this to my family, and on, and on, and on... I think we are just feeling the "Truth" for the first time in a long time. I used to say that I drank because of this stress or that stress (family, work, money, etc.) I know now that I wasn't drinking to handle my stress, I was just postponing dealing with the stress and the problem was then made worse by my having drank. I used the stress as an excuse to keep drinking. Like a hamster on a wheel! At 100 AF days, I can say, that it does get better! So, keep it up and don't look back!

Hugs, Best

[CS04]

Having a rough time...

This is all me. I have been searching for a way to gt back on track, posting and chatting but not trying hard enough. Pretending. Money is a total mess right now. Making the committment and failing makes me feel even worse. I am scared.

[Theme2be]

Having a rough time...

Scared as well, but, feeling the love here.
You are of such value. With all my heart, I can't express how I no longer feel like an "oddity".

I know, because it is a fact, that this battle is a struggle on all levels. Yet, there is relief no matter how many time one has to keep fighting, try different tools/weapons and plans of action.

My arms are outstretched to embrace the victory.

Keep , keeping on.

Thoughts and prayers are with you.Take the best care of yourself(s)

[Panacea]

Having a rough time...

Bestlifeldms -

Thanks soo much! 100 days!!!! YAY YOU!!! I'm hoping to say that in 94 days!

I agree....so many reasons to drink, and I think you hit the nail on the head. They last few years, I wanted to drink to stop the guilty feelings of drinking. Just in the past 6 days, I've started to have memories of times lost in my haze, (making me feel guilty, but I'm not gonna drink them away), and even before. Remembering feelings I had as a younger person, before this numbing of myself started. I can only describe it as almost psychic like. Its like I'm looking into someone elses past. Scary, but very curious to know what "I've" missed!!!! The real me, not the alcohol soaked brain me! I may not like what I see sometimes, but I'm not there today, and hopefully will give me the strength not to be that person again. The strenght to be the person I was born to be, and strived to be before this all took control. I DON'T WANT TO BE A HAMSTER!

[Panacea]

Having a rough time...

CS04;364777 wrote: This is all me. I have been searching for a way to gt back on track, posting and chatting but not trying hard enough. Pretending. Money is a total mess right now. Making the committment and failing makes me feel even worse. I am scared.

Keep chatting.....I was making the committment on a weekly basis by myself, and it would last till the hangover was gone. I know how failing feels, it sucks. I MADE myself write this yesterday. I didn't want to. I thought no one here would care. They don't know me. I'm new...I could just slink away, and no one would know. I normally wouldn't have bothered, and just gone and had a drink, but I forced myself.

BEST THING I'VE DONE YET IN MY 6 DAYS!!!!

You did too, you reached....keep chatting, keep reaching out.....don't stop....I'm not going to, so I will be here for you.