Trying my luck

[KateH1]

Trying my luck

You know Believe I think it is important to point out that this was Not a Slip. This was something that was well thought out in advance for weeks! It was a planned go at Mods. You did not drink because you were "craving" or pissed off, or sad, or anything else. After careful thought, after over 6 months AF, you decided to see if you liked having a bit of alcohol.

I am always here in the wings for you......you are our little brother!!

[BELIEVE]

Trying my luck

you're definatley right K8, I been thinking about this for some time now. Its not turning out anything like I thought it would, so far its better. Better in that I'm finding I genuinley prefer af. Thats not a guarantee of success, but it don't hurt either!

[KateH1]

Trying my luck

I really worry a lot about so many newbies, claiming to be "modding" with little to no AF time, as this usually leads to self defeat and even giving up on the idea of either living without alcohol or a chance at the possibility of successful modding. If we cannot even get through 30 days AF, how can we possibly think that we are able to treat alcohol consumption casually and under control. So often the term mod is confused with cutting back.

As it has been mentioned many times here, many of us come here with the idea of modding. But this is possible for only a few. Believe, again, I appreciate you sharing your story of venturing into the world of Mods, because it has been done responsibly and thoughtfully and you are such a good example of how to go about this. I especially feel great due to the fact that you are still drawn more to staying AF!!

[BELIEVE]

Trying my luck

Well, being af till it becomes your reality certainly helps. At the very least it exposes al and all the nonsense that be brings with him for what they are. Changes your outlook. I used to make getting that next drink a priority. Now I look ad drinking in terms of how its going to pretty much waste 2 days of my life. Plus the physical detoxing effects of months or years of af living...definatley key to controlling al. I have a freind who is starting down an all to familiar path due to his faiing marriage. I notice changes in his drinking patterns and I get worried. I tell him he best think about that shit, cause he's really playing with fire here. I can't help but feel like a hypochrite telling someone else not to drink but damn. A lot of people get defensive when you challenge them to go completley af for awhile....but its so important!

[caysea]

Trying my luck

Hi All
Being new to recovery and all aspects of our world I have questions that help me sort out our problem.I have been af for a little over 2 months.I feel this is such a little time compared to the amount of time al has been in my life[40 + years].I know I can't mod from past experiences.If you can thats great.One of the questions I have is why bother to have 1,2 or 3 drinks.What is the difference if you are out and instead of the 1 or 2 drinks you order a soda? Why is it that you [me included] want that drink? I don't any more Because I know I can't .Is it because we want to get close to the buzz without getting drunk.Which brings up another question why do we have to chase the buzz and others don't. One other question I think about is if we didn't get hangovers would we stop drinking? When we drink we lose control is this a state we should be seeking.I don't drink anymore but will probably start reading AA info which I hadn't found helpful when I was trying to stop drinking but maybe they have answers for me in regards to living a sober life.I have not been sober long enough to have any of the answers.I see my challenge now not stooping drinking but not drinking again and living a sober life.

[tlrgs]

Trying my luck

wow i heard about this thread last night and i just wanted to read it ..
that is great believe ..
personal tests are the best way to face your fears and find out your true feelings
keep it up and move forward

[Guest]

Trying my luck

Believe, you sound like a very rational person who is taking control of their life. Being controlled by AL is no life to lead; always wondering when you can get your next drink, dealing with the next day and the possible things you have done while intoxicated. Good for you on taking charge and looking at this with a rational and steady mind; you are an inspiration to all.

[BELIEVE]

Trying my luck

Caysea your af time is actually pretty huge. You not only made it to that magical 30 mark, but you've doubled it and congrats are in order. As for your questions I can only answer from my perspective, hopefully there'll be something in there you'll find useful. Having just a coupe drinks as opposed to just getting a pop, and even "chasing the buzz" mean nothing to me. Theres no logical reason as to why I would actually want a drink. Whats important to me is the choice itself. I want to be able to decide wether or not to drink (and how much for that matter) based soley on what I feel like doing. Not because I'm a slave to some habit thats consumed my life. On the flip side, I don't want to decide out of fear of losing the control over my life that I've worked hard to take back from said habit. If I want to drink, I will. I'd allow myself to run up to the liquor store right now and get something if I felt like it. I just don't. That, to me, is normal.Thats who and what I want to be. That said, I really don't like al or its effects, so my choices will definatley be skewed in the af direction, but they are choices, my choices. And when I tell people I dont want to drink, thats just wtf I'll mean. I don't want one. No excuses, no explanations. I hope that makes sense.

tlgrs I came to the exact same conclusions. I was starting to feel like just staying af was kinda like running from al. I say that realizing that being completley af is the best or preferred option for a lot of folks and I'm not bashing it. Just for my situation, I had to see if I could take myself a step further. We'll see how far I get!

gia thanks for your kind words and support. You describe a life that I think should be avoided at all costs. I takes a little af time I think to kinda clear the fog and see just how rediculous we can become while in bondage to al! Lol especially the part about wondering what you did the night before. Thats a prety shitty thing to wake up to!

[caysea]

Trying my luck

Hi Believe
Thats what is so great about this site.The insight we can give each other. Yes your reply was very helpful to me.I wish i was like normal people in regards to al.I wish I could go and by a couple of beers .We are all in a different boat with this problem.It is great that you can face the al on your terms. I can't imagine doing what you can do and that is because of my history with al. For me their would never be a couple of beers .I know I would go full tilt down the road.What you have told me shows me why some people can come out of this and be able to mod.It reinforces in me that it is not possible for me.I have only one goal in my mind when I drink and that is to get buzzed.60 days means nothing when compared to over 40 years of not being in control of al.That is why I have to view each day as my first day of this fight.It is great that you and others can deal with al on your terms.No one way works for all and the information and support we give each other on this sight is what makes it so great.

[BELIEVE]

Trying my luck

Caysea that just goes to show how we each define what our personal voctory over al will look like. The fact that you're hip to als tricks and staying af for 2 months shows you're winning everyday. And I would beg to differ about your af time compared to your drinking time. I think going af at all after 40 years of outta control drinking is HUGE! Think of all the people out there who can't even do that much. At least you woke up to the reality that maybe something was wrong and now you're acting on some very difficult decisions. Each of your af days is a gem and should be cherished. I mean, you're doin it, you know? You're doin it!

[Thankful]

Trying my luck

Hey, Believe. All I can say is --wow! You have another big Sis very, very proud of you. You know how worried I was about you, but you handled it all with flying colors.

I really appreciate you starting this thread as well. I feel this is finally some "real" information about modding. Kate and I were discussing this in chat the other night and the real issue was the fact that you had acquired so much AF time and you knew well in advance that you were going to give this a try. I highly agree that modding and "cutting back" are definitely not the same thing. But to each their own.

I too have toyed with the thought of having a couple. I truly feel I could handle it and I know that I could always raise a flag here if I felt myself getting into trouble. But like Caysea mentions, I always get that "why bother" feeling. What is that 1 or 2 drinks going to really do for me? I don't like a drunk feeling. I never drank to get drunk, unfortunately that just was often the outcome. I do think I am lucky than many out there because my drink of choice is beer and with so many AF brands out there, I don't have to feel deprived. If I really want a beer, than I have an AF one. I treat it just as if I wanted a soda or a glass of juice. The mood hits me for a drink, I decide what I want, and then I have it. I don't drink 10 sodas in one sitting, so I don't want/need to drink 10 AF beers in one sitting.
Through all the research I've done in my earlier AF days, I have read too many things that just makes me WANT to stay away from it. I feel it really is a choice for me now. I don't tell myself I can't.

I refuse to live with labels like: Alcoholic, Recovered/Recovering, or even Normal. I had a problem that needed working on. I fixed that problem. I no longer feel like I can't drink. I just know that I don't want to drink.

I wish you continued success. You truly are an inspiration for those who really want to learn to mod. I think you are the only one I have seen do this in a healthy way since I have been here. Good for you. You should be very proud of yourself.

Love, Me
:l

[BELIEVE]

Trying my luck

Thanks thankful Sounds like we're at abt the same place in terms of just not wanting a drink although we feel we could handle one. As you know I don't like labels either. THats part of what drove me to this. I just want to "Be" without really falling into any categories. Like I was saying earlier (to me anyway) just the ability to say I can drink if I wanna is whats important to me. Wether thats just a couple or drinking my fill (which are pretty much the same for my lightweight ass) dosen't matter. Honestly I dont like the drunk feeling, or even the buzzed feeling either. I like experiencing life. At some point maybe that'll involve drinking a few beers with my freinds. In all but the rarest of occasions though I view drinking as a hinderance to experiencing life though, so I'll just choose not to. Lol Sorry al, not a lot of time for ya!

[karbihere]

Trying my luck

Im with evielou its ALL OR NONE, I must smash the idea that I can drink like a social drinker, thats the greatest obsession with every drunk

[BELIEVE]

Trying my luck

My gr8est obsession as a drunk was always the next drunk. Every day out of that situation is a blessing. If you can't just be a social drinker, you're damn lucky to just not be a drinker at all. Theres lots of folks who will never break free. If it helps I can tell you honesly, like I've said earlier (in this thread or another one can't remember) having a few after being af for a while was no wehre near as great as i thought it would be. Guess I don't like feeling like I been poisoned afterall.

[BELIEVE]

Trying my luck

Whats the point theres always next time

I thought I would share this...who knows someone may find it useful someday. I was hanging out with my buddy today, the same one I had beers with the other day to kick off my little modding experiment. We were doing much the same thing we were doing the other day when we actually drank. So we got to talking about it today. How tired we both were and how we both ended up going home and crashing - only to wake up with hangovers the next day.

SO I think we were both trying to convince ourselves individually to go have a few, which would then pave the way for trying to goad each other into drinking. Both of us came to the same conclusion though - why ruin a perfectly good day? Whats the point of drinking really? We both said "we'll have a few next time". Next time, theres always next time. Kind of the flip side of the "I'll quit tomorrow" coin. Then we decided that having a "few" was excessive. Maybe just one. Hopefully just one isn't enough to ruin the whole day. I've seen people ask what the point to just one or just a couple is. I don't think there is a point.

If you want something meaningful, I would recommend giving af living a try. Once you gain an appreciation for it, I think its a lot easier to meet your goals with respect to drinking. If you're someone who balks at the idea of months or years of af living, I can tell you it only get easier. You may find yourself staying away from al because you WANT to. Thats what happend to me. I never inteded to quit, never intended to mod. I just wanted to stop for a few months. I met that objective and its been easy ever since.

I'm not claiming to be a guru and I'm definatley not preaching. Just thought I would share. Maybe theres one person out there who can get something meaningful out of my ramblings. The rest of you I guess will be bored to death or even a little irritated. Thats cool though, this thread ain't for you if thats the case.

The ramblings of Believe have ended. for now.