Hey x

[Lou]

Well hello again to those who know me and hi to those who dont!!

I feel the need to come back here amongst people who understand me and my way of thinking.
Im in a fantastic relationship (5 months) and my life has completely turned around....but the drinking has started to creep back in, last wkend whilt staying at my guys i found myself making an excuse to go to the shops...and i bought half bottle of vodka...kept it in my sports bag and swigged it all wkend. I have no desire whatsoever to do this again and i dont know what the hell came over me...i dont need or want to do that so why the hell did i?? and will i always be like this...i love him so much and he knows that i have bipolar and bless him he tries his hardest to understand...but i think if he knew about the drinking it would completely freak him out. sorry am waffling, im just so worried and scared..theres no reason for me to fall back in to my old patterns so why did i do that last wkend??

Lou-Lou xx

[Niblet]

Hey x

Hello Lou, Have you ever taken the supplements suggested from MWO? That might be a good tool for you... Hmm... I'm not quite sure why you were sneaking in the drinking... Maybe others will have more advice than me because I'm stumped... Was there a trigger? I'm really happy for you in that you are in a loving relationship. All the best xxx

[Guest]

Hey x

Happiness perhaps?

[Lou]

Hey x

i think maybe its conected to the fact that its the "anniversary" if youd call it that...of a rather nasty assault i went through...in the past iv always gone a little crazy around this time of year. But iv been through some fantastic therapy and as i said im with a wonderfull bloke.....thought i was cured!! but then again if i put it in to perspective...having one off wkend is nothing in comparison to the things iv done in the past. I just scare myself cause i know what iv been capeable of in the past....i dont wanna spoil what i have

[Guest]

Hey x

One slip up does not mean you are back where you started; it just means a slip up. You've said you have gone through a lot in the year, perhaps this is your way of seeing if you can handle this one last hurdle? And by the sounds of if, you have.

[brittzak]

Hey x

Lou,
You have stated you have a BIG trigger this time each year. I have a major event that happened in my life as well and in April each year would kinda like to just stay NUMB and get through it but what I have learned is ....once sober the pain of it is still there. You are very aware of this so perhaps next year instead of drinking that day, you do something good for yourself. Don't let the ugly win. You can get through this.

[Lou]

Hey x

Thanks so much....id forgotten just how supportive the people on here are, am so glad i decided to post tonight, sometimes you just need someone else to put things in to perspective for you...even if you know the truth yourself insecurites still stop you believing it until you hear it from others who understand xx

[Guest]

Hey x

How true are your words; and we do understand. We are all still here; and our insecurities limit us from so much. I honestly wake up everyday thankful I have this moment to be with the ones I love. Finding love is precious; enjoy it and the one you love. All will be good.

[Determinator]

Hey x

heya LouLou, great to see you here again for starters

hmmmm. could be several things. personally I have a nasty habbit of sabotaging myself. it's some kind of subconscious mechanism that I think is related to a fear of success. At any rate you have demonstrated the presence of mind to "see" what is happening with you and that means you don't have to go into that dark place again. congrats!
so glad you found a great guy. now do the right thing and be happy about it

and hey...don't be such a stranger eh?

[SKendall]

Hey x

Hi Lou, good to see you.

I don't think we are ever "cured", we need to be vigilant that we don't get back to that place.

[Finding My Self]

Hey x

Hi Lou - So glad about your loving love!

If the annivesary is a nasty trigger, I guess it can happen....the knack is for me (I have one too) is to not let it continue into permanence - you know, the old, "Well, I might as well now...." sort of thing.

And as the trigger time fades, you're back to the healthy ways with it all and not regretting and back to starting over... And as the years pass, you'll get better and better at handling the anniversary in other ways....

Put it behind you and go living and loving!!!

Blessings
FMS xx

[Lou]

Hey x

Aw... you are all so lovely, its such a nice feeling to know that i still have friends and support here. I have so much more self awareness now but it still comes under scrutiny from me so much!.... its really good to get reasurance that i am ok from those who know me and those who dont. when i think back to the mess i was in when i very first posted on here it just makes me feel so gratefull for all the help and support iv recieved here xx and D i dont intend on staying away again...i think this little slip has made me realise how much i miss you all, may sound dramatic but i honsestly dont think id be here today without the love and support i recieved here....thanks :-) xxx