why can't you do it for someone else?

[allowingtoo]

Why can't you do it for someone else?

Not to scare any of the newbies off or anything. I'm just wondering. I read that a lot over that in that forum - you can't do for anyone else.

I'm not sure I agree with that totally.

My first experience with this is with pot. My now DH has/had a government job. Back then we were just dating and not even engaged or anything - I was still being my *wild child* experience. He relocated out of town and wanted to take me with him but would not because of the pot. He made it clear - it was either him or the pot. It took me about 5 nanoseconds to make up my mind and every time I was tempted from there on out I reminded myself *why* I gave it up - the choice was clear. Live in haze or live a great life.
I've never regretted it.

I do have to say I hope one day before I die I hope to have one great last joint but if I don't oh well - it's been a great life.

I was born with substance abuse issues LOL - my Mother had to put chocolate milk in my bottle before I'd drink it.

Why I started abusing alcohol is a whole other separate issue. Self hatred turned inward. Ok, I got out of a marriage when I found out my now ex was sexually abusing my daughter. I didn't know. I hate what I couldn't protect my daughter from. It's eaten me up from the inside out. What's worse I think is I don't even know how to tell her I'm sorry.

[IAD]

why can't you do it for someone else?

ALL, YOU CAN DO IT FOR SOMEONE ELSE, BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO DO FOR YOURSELF ! THIER ARE A NUMBER OF REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD CHANGE YOU DRINKING HABBITS. DO IT FOR THE MILKMAN, THE LETTER CARRIER, WHO EVER, BUT FIRST DO IT FOR YOURSELF ! LOL! IAD.

[time2change]

why can't you do it for someone else?

Because you decide what will be best for you. Being with that person or the substance. It is still doing it for yourself. Some poeple think they are better off with the substance.

[Determinatrix]

why can't you do it for someone else?

allowingtoo;367090 wrote:
Why I started abusing alcohol is a whole other separate issue. Self hatred turned inward. Ok, I got out of a marriage when I found out my now ex was sexually abusing my daughter. I didn't know. I hate what I couldn't protect my daughter from. It's eaten me up from the inside out. What's worse I think is I don't even know how to tell her I'm sorry.

These words sound like a perfect start.

Dx

[nancy]

why can't you do it for someone else?

I think if doing it for someone else works, then go for it. If that is a strong positive motivator I mean. You love people, care about them, want to be more a part of their lives, know you are a better person sober.

Doing it for someone else and being filled with resentment the whole time and then failing and feeling even worse doesn't work. I think for some, quitting for someone else is just like that with little regard for the self in the whole matter. You feel like your life is alie, the real you is just down there dying to come out with booze, you sneak drinks in secret and hide from a controlling spouse. That's a negative motivator.

There have been a number of people on this site though who have quit because they were damaging people around them and to me that is selfless and fine. Since you quit pot easily for the hubby maybe that is why you will leave booze behind.

If you didn't know about the abuse I don't know how you could have stopped it. You did leave the person right? That's more than some parents do and the abuse goes on with no intervention. It's a sad story but you will be there for her every step of the way in the healing process I am sure.

[SKendall]

why can't you do it for someone else?

You have had difficulty for sure. It would be very difficult for me to overcome the abuse of your daughter.

I agree with Nancy, I think if you do it for anyone but yourself, it won't happen. Part of releasing alcohol from your life is taking control and kicking the substance who has made you a slave. How can you take control of your own substance abuse by doing it for someone else? It will lead to frustration and resentment.

I am definitely not an expert, but if you research the stories on this site, we can only get well if WE IN OUR HEART AND BRAIN truly want to do that, and I am sure you must want to so you can help your daughter who was so violated and had her innocence removed.

I hope you find the answer, and please remain with us, you will find lots of support here.

[gyco]

why can't you do it for someone else?

ive tried for years to do for someone else, didnt work,went to a sanitarium this past winter,kinda lerned to do it for me,kinda like the saying ,you cant love someone,unless u love yourslf ,its what u beleive,as far as yur child,i wish u well gyco

[IAD]

why can't you do it for someone else?

ALLOW, SOMEONE ELSE IS'NT GOING TO STOP DRINKING ! IAD! LOL!

[karbihere]

why can't you do it for someone else?

you can not stay sober for some one else, and to put down the pot and pick up on booze is just the common vicious cycle we go thru.

[flyinhigh]

why can't you do it for someone else?

i think as a mother, i am doing this for my child...but inevitably i am doing it for myself.
for as i clean up, my mothering is improving and my moments with my child are far more precious than a night in the bottle.
but, i know this idea is just a crutch....
for i do know by doing this for her, i am really doing it for me
don't know if that makes sense,but allowingtoo, i getcha ya....you are really doing it for yourself....

[brittzak]

why can't you do it for someone else?

I did it for myself and my children.

[livingfree]

why can't you do it for someone else?

I did it for myself, my children, my husband, my faith, my career, my health, my appearance, the saving of all that waisted money, and all those people driving on the road!

It really doesn't matter who you do it for -- just that you DO IT!!