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Weekend Alone... Good/Bad

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    #1

    Weekend Alone... Good/Bad

    Hi there...

    Having a bad night so... Just signed on and went to "Chat" for some desperate support.... no one there. So... I will check back later and, hopefully, find some old friends there.

    My "boys" (husband/son) are away camping... daughter has a sleepover tomorrow and, now, tonight also.

    I LOVE (live for?) these kinds of weekends.... at home, ALONE. But the first thing I do is drink 2-3 bottles of wine.... UGHGH! (Let me clarify.... 2-3 bottles per NIGHT, not the whole weekend.... I know... really, really BAD.)

    I think there is something terribly wrong that something I like best is: Husband/Children AWAY, unlimited wine (which I can get), favorite food (Chinese or a bunch of Crab Legs) sitting at the TV watching frickin' reality TV. Total BONUS is if I can do all of the above while laying in BED... I AM A TOTAL LOSER!!

    I don't need to be told.... the above/my attitude on life is totally PATHETIC!!

    But.... how do I reconcile who I AM - "Want to sit at home alone (with my wine) watching stupid TV... "

    with...

    who I WANT TO BE - "    Active mom - going to parks and hosting sleepovers, attending social events with friends, "date nights" with my husband".

    Forward 2-3 hours....

    Okay, had to check out for a few minutes...

    I started writing this post... then, there was homework... then there were kids's showers... then "can I sleepover at so-and-so's house".... and then can you do "this and this and this...."

    Not going to "over-analyze" everything I've written... If you reply...GREAT!! If I was completley incoherent in my writing and you just want to ignore me.... I understand.

    Just wanted to check in and say.... geez, this is tough. Just me venting I guess...

    Thanks for listening.... if you made it this far.
    Miss C
    Tags: None
    #2
    Weekend Alone... Good/Bad

    Hi Miss Cheryl, Don't think we have met. I'm a newbie day 27 for me.
    I too have the weekend freedom thing, but for me it is every other weekend, Kids go to their Dad's. Problem is I was getting so sick of having to recover for a half a week everytime they came home. And I just was doing horrible with physical/mental stuff. Aside from drinking more to get to the fun part - I just knew that one day I was going to fall down and not get up !!!
    I see that you have been around for a little while, did you do the mwo program, is there part of that you do again?
    I don't have answers but do know that your coming here to post is a positive thing!!
    And I didn't have any trouble reading all the way down to the end of your post. Hope some of your old friends find you !!
    workout:chick:mwo2

    It's my world to make now...cuz I found my way out.

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      #3
      Weekend Alone... Good/Bad

      Come back!!!! Come dance to the disco music!!!!
      Goal 1: Today
      Goal 2: Tomorrow

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        #4
        Weekend Alone... Good/Bad

        How do I reconcile... ? Maybe you don't "reconcile," maybe we just all have to live with the idea that we have conflicting wishes, impulses, and sometimes even needs... often we have to make difficult choices because we want two things and cannot have them both... Maybe better not to fight with that fact (we all do it, even those who are not struggling with alcohol), and just forgive ourselves for being human, being conflicted, sometimes screwing up and making the worst possible choice, and then paying for it dearly...

        The harsh approach that we sometimes take with ourselves is NOT helpful... it is hard to learn self-compassion, but I think it's a really important part of getting through this kind of difficulty (as well as many others)...

        best wishes,

        wip

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          #5
          Weekend Alone... Good/Bad

          For me, having a love affair with wine proved to be terribly isolating. Life began to be lived with tunnel vision, with everything else receding to the periphery once the vino started flowing. There were nights I too looked forward to being home alone or to being on the road with business so I could drink and watch tv until I faded off. Especially while on business trips, there were nights where I would wake up at 3 in the morning with the television still on and the remnants of the last bit of wine in the glass.

          Wine is a ruthless companion/adversay, which saps you of so much and gives so very little in return. I don't understand why some people can drink it casually and some of us cannot but I do know that I am one of those latter people and if I want to live a full and rich life, I've got to keep it at arm's length.

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            #6
            Weekend Alone... Good/Bad

            Miss Cheryl,

            I so, can relate!!! In my humble opinion, it has to do with the fact that we have devoted ourselves to doing, what I feel, is the best work - most important work, of our lives. Being a good Mom, wife and homemaker. All at the same time that most of us have held full time jobs or run our own businesses. The most fulfilling to me was the homemaking/mothering/wifing. All of the sudden, no one really needs our skills. All those years I longed for some time to myself to do the "me" stuff. Now that we I am here, I wish there were kids, demanding my attention, impossible schedules for extra cirricular activities, laundry piled high and not enough time to get everything done - again.

            I am in the process of redefining myself. Although I am still a wife, mother, homemaker, and hard working employee... I have way too much time on my hands. I am learning new ways in which to fill that time, other than drinking. I has been one of the hardest challenges of my life...

            Sending you love and support,

            Best
            "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

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              #7
              Weekend Alone... Good/Bad

              I can relate also. I work full time, but driving home every night is when I start to get those cravings because I feel empty. I have been drinking the wine and then getting nothing done. Did it again last night, and woke up with all the lights on and the glass by my bed. I am determined again today to "start over" and get a life that does not involve drinking myself into a stupor. I read these posts often, and am hoping to use this site more for support. What a battle--but I love hearing from those that are succeeding and are doing so well.

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                #8
                Weekend Alone... Good/Bad

                I can so relate to all of this. When the kids go to their dad's, I think Now I can catch up on stuff, or do things - free time - but it somehow turns into drinking, at home, alone. I went biking last night - I am trying to get more healthy...
                This is a good discussion for me.
                Lila

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