Day 6...can you believe....

[keeta]

....that my husband, who has continued to have a beer or two a night,(maybe more, I try to pretend I don't notice) even though I am struggling to stay sober, and he knows it???

AND, to top it off, tonight we were invited to a friends for dinner, where everyone was drinking BUT me, and I left at 7:30 (just under an hour ago) and he stayed...TO DRINK.

I am hurt, disappointed...angry as hell.....and here I was so sad at the prospect of him leaving for work...well, an impending hernia operation put that on hold....

arrrgh....I just don't know what to think. I mean this is a guy who KNOWS how deep my problem is...I didn't bitch about him having a few...but couldn't he have left with me?...NOT stayed to piss it up....it was SO FUCKING hard to not drink...and I fought it...and won, while there. Instead of being proud of me...he stays???:upset:

[Carmac]

Day 6...can you believe....

Keeta -

Sounds like you both need a real heart to heart so he knows how you feel. And yes, you should feel so proud of yourself for resisting temptation. Remember though....this is for you, not him

[keeta]

Day 6...can you believe....

hi indiamike2,

we have had many heart to hearts. Maybe that is why this hurts so much, and because it isn't easy...I am the queen of making excuses for myself TO myself.

BLAH...I guess I wanted our first sober night out in 7 years to be OUR first night out sober...not just "my" night out....and yes, you are right...this is for me...then for my kids...then for our family, and us( he and I)...

maybe my emotions are a little close to the surface still, and am over reacting, and got my feelings hurt.

I am proud of myself, and honestly, surprised as hell I didn't cave...it would have been so damn easy to.

[tawnyfrog]

Day 6...can you believe....

Keeta - yes, I'd be angry too. And hurt. But look at it this way. You left the party, you avoided temptation and tomorrow will be Day 7. You did it - all on your own. I think that's brilliant. The odds were against you but you did it!

[keeta]

Day 6...can you believe....

tawny,

you are right...refocus on the positive...something I need to practice...holy shit...day 7 tomorrow...I can't belive that....it has been years....

thanks frog :thanks:

[CS04]

Day 6...can you believe....

Keeta,
I totally know how you feel when hubby drinks. Except my hubby drinks as much as I do (am trying not to!) which is way more than 1-2 beers a night. I also understand how hard it is to have a heart-to-heart. But I think it will be easier for you if you tell him how very hard this is for you. I know that I have had more success AF when I level with hubby. I talked to him a bit this morning; not the big conversation I wanted and probably need, but baby steps.
I also have been told that it is about ourselves, but you can't remove spouses/family from the dynamic of AL. So while it is for you/me, I don't think we can remove hubbies from the equation. "In sickness and in health..."

ANyway, my 2 cents. But what is really important is that you DID NOT cave! You went home, which was the right choice for you, and he stayed -- right choice or not. Be proud of yourself, and hopefully the anger will subside soon.

[KateH1]

Day 6...can you believe....

Keeta, Good job tonight! Day 6 is great! It would have been nice had your husband left with you. In fact you might say it would have been the right thing to do! But he chose to stay. Rarely do couples quit together. I think this is because they are usually not at the same place with their drinking at the same time. Perhags in time, he will join you in not drinking, perhaps not. Either way, I hope that you continue on this path!

[keeta]

Day 6...can you believe....

CS,

I can relate to your situation also...my husband normally drinks much more, even as much as I do, but he simply doesn't get so out of control...like blacking out, or getting nasty...never the less, he drinks too much. Easing off to a couple a night I guess is his way of showing support as best he knows how???????????????
Tomorrow I think we need to talk about how tonight made me feel, because watching him drink to party, made me want to drink, and that is why I left..knowing he is still partying makes me angry...NOT a good emotion for a person like me because I don't want to use it as an excuse to drink. (if that makes any sense)

Thank you for sharing....and the anger IS subsiding....I will try to let it go before it becomes resentment.

[keeta]

Day 6...can you believe....

Kate,
thank you!!!!!! I tend to agree he should have come with me, and maybe that is me being a bit selfish....either way it pisses me off he stayed to party on.

I have every intention of forging ahead...I like the me I can be sober...so much more than the me I am when I drink. A sad, lost soul, full of self doubt and self hate...NOT the person I want to be.

[magic]

Day 6...can you believe....

WOW! Keeta,

Day six, day seven coming right up! Brilliant is right!

I agree..focus on you and what a terrific job you're doing.

I'm proud of you!

m. xxxx

[keeta]

Day 6...can you believe....

magic

thank you so much!

Some times I think one of my "triggers" is to drink to drown out all the negative thoughts I have.

Some where along the line while attempting to drink myself into oblivion, I have lost my self esteem, and began to think I am a bad person, and deserve every wrong I get, that some how I simply could have done some thing "better" to change the out come!

time to turn THAT garbage around, I say!!!!!

Thank you for saying you are proud of me....I think I am proud of me too!

[keeta]

Day 6...can you believe....

3 hours later, and he is still not home...now I am just sad. really really hurt, and sad.

[Waves 2]

Day 6...can you believe....

Hi Keeta,

AL has taken him over. Time will have no meaning for him at the moment like it has for you. Well I know those hours of waiting. I used to use a knitting machine can you believe it? until 2/3/4 am ????

keep strong.:l

[Waves 2]

Day 6...can you believe....

PS. There are lots of people in chat if you want the time to pass quickly.:h

[Cinders]

Day 6...can you believe....

Keeta,

I woke up and read this.

I am very impressed with your strength and desire to remain AF. Wow.

I hope you got some sleep last night.

You cannot ask your hubby to quit drinking. Like you, he needs to decide that for himself. So rather than be angry, perhaps look at it like you are forging the way for you both.

Either way, whether he ever quits or not, you are and you will have a much better life for it.

Love,
Cindi