15 days

[Readyornot]

I have managed to go this long AF and had the horrible desire to try modding it to see how it goes. BUT I am afraid that I will not be able to recognize my limits on what is "social and moderate" and fall back into the same trap I was before. Do I just stay 100% AF? Do I try modding and risk failure? Everyone around me was enjoying cocktails all weekend, but I sipped my tonic and cranberry and silently envied their ability to have a couple drinks and know when to stop. This is confusing and frustrating. Anyone else been in the same situation? What did you do? How did it turn out for you? Stress levels are exceptionally high for me right now and the lure of a few glasses of wine to even things out seems almost to hard to resist...

[pepper]

15 days

Ready,

I did 30 days AF and when I tried to mod I went right back to my old ways and that was with Naltrexone. I think everyone is different but for me I can't see ever going mod anymore--I've been drinking again heavily every day and quit taking the Naltrexone. I'm lurking here today trying to find the courage to be AF tonight. We'll see. I think if your stress levels are high (as mine are too) you are more likely to go on a binge. Just my thoughts. Good luck to you!

[Readyornot]

15 days

Thanks Pepper. That's kind of what I see happening with me too. I guess Im trying to rationalize my own self destruction. You can DO this! Get through tonight and dont beat yourself up. Know that YOUR strength and honesty is helping ME. :l

[lukalee]

15 days

You have to ask yourself, "Will I really be happy with two?" I think all alcoholics have these thoughts of wanting to be "normal". This was the topic of my first AA meeting on Friday. We are not normal; we cannot drink normally. To me, two drinks? What's the point? I know this for a fact. I have been messing around with sober/not sober for long enough. To think that I could moderate is just another way of AL taking over and me kidding myself. My life is much better, and certainly much more sane when I don't drink. So why would I think it is going to be any different after the 100th time?

[CS04]

15 days

Lukalee, how did you like the meeting? Are you going to go back?

[pepper]

15 days

Thanks for the encouragement Ready, lukalee you have it exactly right when you say, two drinks--what's the point? That's just warming up for me! I do think we try to rationalize and I think that is just AL controlling our thoughts.

[Doggygirl]

15 days

For whatever it's worth, I too fell for the Booze Beast Fantasy of Moderation (it's a fantasy in my case anyway!) several times. I finally got it through my thick skull that I am NOT a "normal" person when it comes to booze, and I never will be.

I'm not sure what "normal" is to everyone else, but I finally had to do some soul searching and come up with my own idea of "normal." Mr. Doggy is what now consider a "normal" drinker. That is, he can take or leave booze even if absolutely "everyone but him" is having a drink in a situation. He doesn't think about booze. He would never think of having a beer here at home by himself - the thought would never even occur to him. Even when he is stressed, he doesn't immediately think "Let's Have a Drink!" because he doesn't think about drinking. When he "nurses" a beer or two at the most through an entire evening, he's not doing that on purpose. He doesn't really like beer or other alcohol that much, so he only takes little sips.

Me...Even here AF I think about booze a LOT every single day. When I tried to drink moderately, I thought of booze even more - a WHOLE lot more if you can imagine that. I obsessed over controlling what I drank so I could justify continuing to drink. My "normal" drinking husband would never find himself doing that! It is WORK - and I mean a LOT of work for me to get through a party and only have a maximum of 2 drinks. Should it be that much work????

Anyway, I finally tossed in the towel and realized that I will never be normal and it's WAY WAY easier to build an AF life. And hopefully the booze thoughts will get to be less and less and time goes on, just like it was with cigarettes.

Each person has to figure out the moderation question on their own, unfortunately!! (if I had a crystal ball I could get rich around here LOL!!)

DG
Day 68 AF

[lukalee]

15 days

CS04- I liked the meeting. When they found out it was my first meeting, many women flocked over to encourage me and give me their phone numbers. It's nice because it is right by my house, and they meet every night. Some days are for discussions or speakers, etc.