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    #1

    My 'best friend' is a narcassist

    Our kids are best frlends so our relationship developed from there. She has been going through a hectic divorce for the last 4 years & I have been very supportive, both emotionally and practically. She wanted to go away for a break in April with the kids but I said 'no' because my sobriety was a priority and very fragile. The conversations are always so intense and regard spiritual growth but she doesn't 'walk the talk'. Anyway, she chose not to hear me and it just became very messy.

    The gap that developed gave me some space and I realized how draining this relationship had become for me.

    The gloves aren't off yet, but it has started. She has become openly critical and always in front of an audience. I have kept these interactions light-hearted as I hate confrontation. I believe in peace and will go out of my way to help and be supportive, but that doesn't mean I'm a door mat. I am saddened and also very wary as I know that I will be the one to come out of this with a damaged reputation and fewer friends. I don't do 'manipulation' and I will not change inorder to defend myself.

    Just needed to off-load! Once again this relationship is draining!

    Take care
    xxx
    The mind is in its own place, and in itself
    Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.

    John Milton
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    #2
    My 'best friend' is a narcassist

    Hi Jinja,

    I had an argument with my best friend last night and was very rattled by it. It's not nice is it?

    Can you talk to her about it to clear the air? It sounds as though she maybe feels rejected (?) over the break and is reacting badly to that. I'm not condoning her behaviour, but she might be acting that way for reasons that go deeper than face value.
    sigpic
    AF since December 22nd 2008
    Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

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      #3
      My 'best friend' is a narcassist

      you hit it on the button YOU,is the most important component, it seems shes venting on you,tuff load to carry,specially if your tryin to accomplish workin on your own garbage,sorry ,maybe this is why he r husband split,theres an old sayin,they cant here you if theres,nothin between there EARS,its your childs freind mother,that is what she is,your not a councillor good luck gyco

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        #4
        My 'best friend' is a narcassist

        I think the biggest disapointment is that I have been her only constant for the last few years. She is aware of my issue with AL and she made a comment recently to someone else (ensuring I overheard) that she wasn't some pathetic person who drank to excess every night! That was my first warning shot! Now it's shifted to direct comments. I really don't think talking to her will help as I feel that she will just twist things to suit herself. I can only hold strong and keep my integrity!
        The mind is in its own place, and in itself
        Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.

        John Milton

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          #5
          My 'best friend' is a narcassist

          ouch

          ouch... that hurt!
          my first thought is that ur friend is going through a terrible time. there is a reason people back off friendships when people divorce. tempers run high... it's a good time to take the high road and wait until the waters clear. you can still be a supportive friend.. .but from a good distance.
          you don't deserve ANYONE talking about you like that. NEVER MIND coming from someone who is supposed to be your best friend. If I were you I would back off and get really busy. it is very hard to take when we confide in someone our weaknesses and they advertise it at the local pub/cricket/football match. Yikes. I'm non confrontational as well... people can see this as a weakness. Take a step back and watch your back.
          Good luck.


          jinja;372452 wrote: I think the biggest disapointment is that I have been her only constant for the last few years. She is aware of my issue with AL and she made a comment recently to someone else (ensuring I overheard) that she wasn't some pathetic person who drank to excess every night! That was my first warning shot! Now it's shifted to direct comments. I really don't think talking to her will help as I feel that she will just twist things to suit herself. I can only hold strong and keep my integrity!

          Comment

            #6
            My 'best friend' is a narcassist

            Jinja,

            No matter what the circumstances, this type of trouble in a past/current friendship really hurts. You sound as though you are strong, which is good! Ending the relationship without a formal confrontation would be my choice as well. It shows that you are taking the "higher road" and it will also help to preserve the kids friendship. I had a friend from 1990 until 2000. She was my neighbor and even worked at my business from time to time. Our kids were friends and we went to the same church. Something very similar happened. She always said she liked being around me because I was so positive. She, however, was not. I found that rarely does the positive person bring the negative person up. She absolutely drained my energy. She began making snappy little comments and being critical. This was one of the first times in my life that I conciously decided to end a relationship for my own good. I did it without confrontation. I simply became unavailable, always too busy. Very shortly there after, I moved to another state. That was 8 years ago. Our boys are still in contact and friends. I know it was the right decision.

            Be strong and do what is right for you! Hugs, Best
            "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

            Comment

              #7
              My 'best friend' is a narcassist

              I to ended a friendship because of so much bitching and negativity and its been along time and guess what I drink less and am happier.

              It is for the better to get rid of all the negative energy.

              Sammys

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                #8
                My 'best friend' is a narcassist

                Aw I wrote such a long post and it went puuff!!!

                I have a best friend and she is also my drinking buddy. Our relationship is also on the rocks. It's a bitter pill to swallow because we have so much in common but it's always with a glass of wine in hand but I've had to pull away because she can't understand me wanting to cut back.

                I remembered a saying about friendship... it is a season, a reason or a lifetime!
                "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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                  #9
                  My 'best friend' is a narcassist

                  Dee Bee, that must be contagious...mine just went puff too and I agree with your saying.....

                  I remembered a saying about friendship... it is a season, a reason or a lifetime!

                  Sometimes friendships are like closets........one must clean them out once in a while because looking at all the clothes that don't fit anymore is bad for ones moral and simply depressing.

                  Dah........don't know how to do the quote thingy.
                  *Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result* Albert Einstein

                  Comment

                    #10
                    My 'best friend' is a narcassist

                    Thanks for the responses, I feel validated in my feelings towards this relationship. I agree that space is definitely required and as I am going to the UK for 3 weeks during the school holidays, this is obviously a good start! Your comments have helped me to re-evaluate what it is that I require from a friendship. I can be lazy and just go with the flow only to be left in a situation that leaves me frustrated or angry, which in turn can effect my mental state and ultimately my sobriety.

                    I like the expression - a season, a reason, a lifetime.

                    I am going to see my 3 "lifetime" friends whilst I'm in the UK, so I am really looking forward to that and will also treasure the quality of these friendships all the more!!

                    Take care
                    xxx
                    The mind is in its own place, and in itself
                    Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.

                    John Milton

                    Comment

                      #11
                      My 'best friend' is a narcassist

                      Some people are just too emotionally draining and high maintenance. They seem to suck the life from you, it's always about them and how they have suffered; the same Scarlett O'Hara bullshit. You can feel your body slumping towards the ground everytime they talk, because it's never anything positive. They never think think that you may need some support every now and then because they are too wrapped up in themselves to even notice. And frankly if she is going around talking about you the way she is, she is no friend to you at all.

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