I'm back and I'm bad...

[Deilight]

Some of you may remember me. It's been a long time since I logged on to MWO, joined about a year ago and did okay but now not.

Today my depression is hanging over me like a heavy grey blanket that won't let the light through.

Alcohol is still my biggest problem and of course is causing other problems in my financial (non-existant!) world and my relationships. I tried to go away for a little while to "clear my head" but I'm back home and feel foggier than ever. You can leave problems behind but they'll still be there when you get back.

On the bright side, I do know there's hope because I have been down this road before and know that one has to just hang in there and try again, and again and again as many times as it takes.

Anyway, I'm going to try and log on everyday for some inspiration and hope I can try get sober again...

[A Work in Progress]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Hi, Delight, it's GREAT that you came back... and your story seems to be a regular theme here, doesn't it, that we come here, get better, then many times we leave and then crash and burn... I think there is a lot of hope for those of us who can come back again, after that. I know it's hard. Good for you, and best wishes,

wip

[mwo2]

I'm back and I'm bad...

D - I am new also... but am doing well with the mwo program and folks...glad you posted... drink your water ! Do you have supps you can take.... lots of support, as you know.

[Guest]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Hi Delight..I remember you. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, the days have not been so easy on me either. You unfortunately can never leave your problems behind; no matter where I went they either followed me there, or were waiting for me when I returned. Have you talked to a doctor about your depression? If you are feeling badly everyday whether you are drinking or not, that's not healthy for your mind or your body. A doctor will be able to point you in the right direction. Alcohol does cloud everything over, it seems to suck the life from everything good on your life and highlight and make worse what is going not so good... Nothing is really what you think it is. Know that you have support here, and there is always someone willing to talk and help out when you need it. It's good you found your way back, there is no reason to go through this thinking you're alone.

[Seacailin]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Hi Deil
I don't believe that we have met. I just joined in May. I am sorry that u are feeling so badly. You do know, that is does get better. I just wanted to share a little bit about my experience with depression. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder back in 1989, when I was drinking like a fish. I was put on one antidepressant after another for years. Finally in 2003, I decided that I had had enough. I wanted to feel whatever it was that I was supposed to feel, being AF. I felt like I had no feelings whatsoever. I have been off of antidepressants for over 5 years and guess what? If I don't drink, I don't get depressed. I know that it is different for everyone. I know that some people continue to need ADs even if alcohol free. I am glad that u are here. I look forward to getting to know u.:l

[IAD]

I'm back and I'm bad...

WELCOME BACK DELIGHT !. GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU. YOU KNOW THE DRILL AROUND HERE....GOOD LUCK . IAD.

[paula]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Welcome back Deilight.
I know how you feel, I was af for some time, and then my brother died, I started drinking again.
I am now having counselling and taking anti ds, my doctor also prescribed campral, which does
help to take the cravings away, I also attend AA which is good for me.
Wishing you well. Paula.

[Cinders]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Deilight,

:welcome: back!!

You came back for a short while and then disappeared again.

I am so happy to see you back here.

Never quit trying to quit. Never!!

Love,
Cindi

[Deilight]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Thanks everyone!

To those old "faces" nice to see you're still around. To the new ones, thanks and hope you stick with us. IAD-ta for the cute welcome back. I remember you and your sense of humour...

Yes, Cindi, I logged on for a couple of days and then disappeared again, guess I fell into the alcohol abyss. Am kinda hanging on for dear life at the moment, don't know if I can, I feel more despondent than I ever have really.

Hey Paula! I remember you, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I have had a few deaths in the past year but that's hectic! Hang in there. I'm thinking of going to AA aswell although I did go to 1 meeting a couple of months ago andfound it a little annoying. Maybe I should try another venue or something.

Re AD's: I have been taking citalopram for a year now - after I tried to OD last year my doc prescribed them to me. I felt that they worked for a while and now I feel like I may be worse off than I was then. I agree Sea, I think alcohol is the problem ( being a depressive ) but I feel kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I'm not very well at the moment and have had severe spasm in my neck
for a few days which doesn't help the "joy factor" at all.

Okay, enough PLOM (poor little old me). I'm going for a walk before my house boundedness drives me insane!

THANKS GUYS!! Glad I still have this to come back to.
x

[Popeye]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Hi Deilight

I remember you too.
I'm not doing as well as I would like drinkwise either. I'm not crazy drinking like I used to, but I can't seem to string two days together.
I hope you get well soon. You're right. This is a great place to come when you're feeling the rest of the weight of the world.
Take care....

[Deilight]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Hey Popeye!

I go a few days and then I think, let's have a couple, then I have too many, have a hangover and "fix" it with WAY TOO MUCH. Then I get really ill from the "fix-it binge" and say the famous last words "never again" but we all know how that goes.

My worst is that I KNOW that alcohol is THE MAIN REASON for ALL if not most of the negative things in my life but I just keep going back. Isn't that just stupidity?!!!! I mean, I'm not stupid so WHY do I keep repeating the most stupid action of all?

It makes me sick
It makes me stupid
It makes me aggressive
It makes me beligerent
It makes me ugly to look at
It makes me smell bad
It makes me smoke
It makes me drink more
It makes me black out
It makes me arrogant
It makes me think I'm clever
It makes me repeat my most boring stories
It makes me stagger
It makes me shake and sweat
It makes me crash my car
It makes me break things
It makes me lose my friends
SO WHY? WHY? WHY?

Sorry, bit of a vent there but I think maybe sometimes it's good thing to do to list the negative affects.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Good to see you back, Deilight. Stick around.......things will get better.......you`ll see.

Darling x

[Deilight]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Hey Darling!

So nice to "see" you! I often thought of you. How are things for you?Good Methinks? We'll chat soon- still don't know how to chat on the "new" one.

You ARE a darling, see!

x

[Starlight Impress Forever]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Yes, I often thought of you too, Deilight and wondered how you were getting on.......funny, even when people leave the site.......from time to time you wonder how they`ve fared.

Am doing very well, thanks. Catch up soon.

Darling x

[cmhguy3]

I'm back and I'm bad...

Welcome Back!