I need a strategy

[Rolo]

Hi All,

I really want to do a week of AF. Mon 4 - Mon 11 August. Haven't done that in many, many years. Problem is I've got a big party coming up on Friday night. All my friends. How can I do a party without a drink? How can I do a whole weekend without a drink!! What does one do at a party when not getting smashed? Pleeeeeeeaze help!

I don't have the meds or CDs. Have read the book, am drinking Milk Thistle every day and I've ordered Kudzu from the US but it's unlikely to get here (South Africa) in time.

[gyco]

I need a strategy

hi rolo ,its not easy my freind i just did what your gonna haveto do ,last weekend,problem is ive been free of al for 9 months its hard,all are drinkin but im the drunk,one steo at a time,when you have the need for a drink substitute,i no its not easy but if evrone else gets blitzed youll see how foolish some act ,its only one weekend then you decide if you want to go back gyco

[gyco]

I need a strategy

good luck to you and keep comin and get advise

[hippie37]

I need a strategy

Rolo if you're gonna set yourself goals that are beyond you, then you're gonna struggle and ultimately fail. You say you haven't been a week off the drink in many many years and you've decided to do that at a time when an 'important' party is taking place. I would be feeling exactly the same and feeling anxious, scared, nervous and many other horrible feelings too. Being comfortable around others who ARE drinking and getting 'smashed' is bloody hard in the beginning. I still feel weary myself around other's who are this way because it was a big part of who I was. I was a binging party animal who liked nothing better than getting smashed on drink and drugs. To get sober in the beginning I almost hid and locked myself away from the world until I was over the worst of it. I didn't go out to friends houses whom I knew would be drinking, I didn't go to parties or pubs and I didn't do many of the things I would normally do as they nearly all revolved in some way around drinking. Even taking my mountain bike out for a ride in the country or along the beach front was a NO NO because I used to take cans in my backpack and had points along the way where I would stop for a can and a spliff. Until my thinking was changed dramatically I avoided alcohol like the plague.

It's a tough decision to make, I know, but do you REALLY need to be in attendance at this party? Do you feel you'll be missing out on something? If you really feel the need to go and don't think you're gonna be able to handle not drinking set your goals for the following week if you really must. But what happens when the next party occurs? Time for some serious thinking me thinks Rolo! What is it you really want to achieve with your drinking?

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[A Work in Progress]

I need a strategy

I'm with Hippie... it really is a difficult thing to get past the early strong urges and triggers, and if you are seriously committed to giving up the alcohol, then you have to manage those triggers. At first, it is best to avoid them as much as possible, until you have some self-confidence and a stronger understanding of yourself as a person who is not drinking and who is ABLE to not drink.

The question really is this: how important is this to you? How much is the alcohol hurting you?

Best wishes,

wip

[1967]

I need a strategy

i agree w/all of the above.
i've had to avoid my trigger scenarios. i even bought a vespa so i won't be tempted to drink along the way home when my job resumes in the fall. this week will be week 6 for me AF. it gets easier but the first 2 weeks are tough... u really have to have a strategic plan. i think a party is not a good idea but u do what you have to.

[bloggy]

I need a strategy

Hi Rolo

I'm not new here but haven't logged on for a while- I once went 2 years AF and carried on my social life as before- it was murder and I wouldn't recommend it at all, and it was probably also the reason that ultimately I failed and went back to drinking.

I really think we should avoid all those drinking situations while trying to stop- and for what? Either to fall off the wagon and end up talking a load of c*** and worse, or just sit there bored to tears listening to others talking the same c***!

A nice early night with a good book or DVD sounds better to me

Good luck.

[Popeye]

I need a strategy

Hi there Rolo,

Personally, I find socialising while AF very trying. I was dry for a few months at one point and I only attended things that I had to; weddings and funerals and such.
I agree with marbella in that it was a case of being bored to tears listening to people getting more and more drunk until I realised that doing this was a valuable lesson. I eventually ended up enjoying going home sober and not making an arse of myself as had been the case previously. I had been the guy that ended up falling over or saying something stupid. The biggest hurdle was getting people to understand that I didn't want to drink and that it was OK to be sober. I was placing more importance on how I was perceived than was actually there. After a couple of drinks nobody cares if you drink or not, They're more concerned with filling themselves up. I'm not doing very well just now, but I'm a million miles from the nutcase I used to be.
If you do decide to drink, I feel you should be strict with yourself and put a limit on it. An obvious statement, but incredibly difficult to stick to once you start. If you're not drinking, try and do some people watching. It's usually most amusing and satisfying, especially the next morning, when you wake up fresh and guilt free.
All the best to you in your struggle my friend.

[Rolo]

I need a strategy

Wow, thanks for the responses everybody.

Thing is I can't avoid Friday night. I have a friend visiting all the way from Cape Town (I'm in Johannesburg). She's my best friend and she's staying over at my place. It is literally impossible for me to get out of it.

I hear you all though - it is going to be very difficult. I've gone AF before and then always find myself very stilted in the social setup. It's like I just can't get going. I think this happens when you've been relying in alcohol to give you that buzz that makes socialising fun and relaxing.

I have to get up early on Saturday and I really don't want a hangover. But the odds of that...

I had an AF night last night and I felt so good this morning. Hope that thought will give me the will power I need.

[LVT25]

I need a strategy

Dear Rolo,

I agree with everyone else. Your first week of sobriety is not a good time for a big test such as a party. I tried that at first--and failed each time. At least you are thinking about it--it might be more realistic to just cut way back, drink water in between drinks and start when you don't have any social engagements planned. Otherwise you're setting yourself up.
Get all your tools--including the book, and start then. (IMHO)

[KateH1]

I need a strategy

Rolo,
I too think that there is a lot of wisdom here. First of all you need to be honest with yourself.....is this really a time that AF is possible for you. Or, should you attempt to moderate your drinking through the party and begin AF on Monday?

A word about moderating.....if it were as easy as just "deciding" to control our drinking. We would all be doing it! It is just so much more complicated than "wanting to moderate". What happens with us is that once we have the first drink, we really do not know what will happen from then on, sad but true.

Yep, you really need to be realistic here..is AF possible for you this week? Do you have the tools on board to do this? Are you completely committed to being AF? Only you can answer these questions for yourself! Good Luck!
KH

[Carmac]

I need a strategy

Rolo -

How about sharing your goal is to be AF with the friends you will be with? There's always the excuse of being on meds that don't allow it, etc. Or just really like cutting back and feeling better.

Since you will go, ensure you have "something" in your hands to drink. A glass of soda water and lime? A juice drink? It'll look like you are imbibing and less likely to get questions on what would you like to drink.

I have found as the night goes on, it actually gets easier. It's that first bit that's hard.

Good luck and do let us know how you do!

[Deilight]

I need a strategy

Hey Rolo

From one south african to another - I HEAR you! I'm not anywhere near being AF at the moment but I do know how you feel. The thing is, there will ALWAYS be a party you HAVE TO go to. It just depends on you when you decide when it's the right time to say, no.

Good luck, I'll be in the boat with you, trust me. My birthday just passed and my girlfriend's is on the way, then so and so, then so and so, then christmas, then New Year, it never ends.

IT never ends, IT ends with you!

K

[Rolo]

I need a strategy

Hmmm...good advice LVT25 & KateH1. I am setting myself up. The amount of times I've said I'm not going to drink then I do and then I feel like a loser all over again.

At least I can commit to drinking a glass of water between each drink, that isn't so hard. :thanks:

[louise]

I need a strategy

What is it you really want to achieve with your drinking?

Hippie has such a great way of putting things! Maybe you can keep asking yourself this throughout the night. It is, I'm sure not to be falling down so it might help you keep a measure of control. So my recommendation would be stay AF until the party, try Popeye's strategy of being an observer watching others (and take your own AF drinks to make sure you have some), if you cave and have a drink do the lots of water or other AF drinks in between drinks, forgive yourself and GO BACK TO AF the next day. It is the "well I blew it, I may as well keep drinking" thinking that really does me in often.