Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

[Readyornot]

My husband I are seeing a counselor for some relationship guidance and until now, this issue of AL has never been touched upon in any serious manner. WE just recently came to the realization that AL was probably causing many of the issues we were dealing with, either directly or indirectly and now I need to address them full on. Has anyone got help from a counselor with regard to your relationship and the effects of AL to it? Im a little nervous about opening up, face to face about my problem with someone (other than here). We have told our close friends and they are supportive, but for some reason, the counselor (who I really like) intimidates me.
babble babble babble.....help?

[CS04]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

I would like to go to counseling with my husband, and I suggested it to him many months ago (before I dived back into MWO) and he didn't think we needed it. (more denial I guess) I had been going to a counselor myself thru this spring, and we discussed my depression/difficulties with hubby, and how AL impacts that. Never really got a lot of answers, though, except for this: deal with the depression first, because you can't see things clearly when you are depressed. When/if you get your head together and the problems are still there, THEN have a conversation with hubby. Great advice, but unfortunately it's not working out like that for me, because A) my head is still not together and B) we are so broke that some conversations have had to occur. At least I have tried to have conversations -- hubby is VERY reluctant to discuss any of this with me, which makes the whole mess even worse. Ugh. Sorry. But I still liked the counselor's advice!

[Readyornot]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

Hmmm... hubby has been the one diagnosed with clinical depression, but he thinks that I have issues of my own to work on too (which Im sure I do), but even though we a re both willing and actively participating in the counseling, blah blah...(lost train of thought)....I guess I just need to figure out if working on MY problems first, solo, is better or if we need to jointly attack our respective and shared issues together, head on. Good lord, Im making no sense at all. (Ill add that to the list of things I need to address)

[KateH1]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

Hi Ready,
First of all, congratulations on both of you being willing to participate in counseling.....great step! Remember, the counselor is not there to judge you, but to guide you and help you. At the same time, they are not there to brush over the problems you are having. At times, this can be intimidating!

When I was married to my ex. we tried counseling. He walked out half way through the first session. He was not willing to hear what the counselor had to say to him, about him! I stayed in counseling and worked on myself and it helped me tremendously! One thing I know for sure, we cannot fix anyone else, married or not! We can only work on ourselves. It would be nice to think that in a marriage we work together at the same pace. Not the truth.

Working on yourself will really help you, in ways you may not even realize yet. Perhaps your husband will see your committment and join in!

Best Wishes!

[Larisa]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

I did relationship counseling (none too successfully), but AL wasn't in the picture. But when I did solo therapy and tried to talk about being an alcoholic, what was really interesting was that a couple of different counselors kind of didn't really want to believe me! It felt very surreal, me trying to talk them into it - yes, really, I drink every day - yes, I'm pretty sure I have a problem - no, see, every day, for months and months... I don't know, maybe they had that old notion of alcoholics living on the streets in rags, or something. It was really weird. I didn't know if they thought I was trying to get attention, or what - surely I could come up with some more glamorous mental issue than this!

[Readyornot]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

While both hubby and I agree that AL is a major contributing factor in our issues, he wants me to delve deeper and find out WHY the abuse of AL, what caused it....I feel like he thinks I have some HUGE unaddresses or unadmitted issues that I need to cope with. Im sure I do (who doesnt) but for the life of me...other than the ones Ive already (through MUCH soul searching and painful realizations) realized...I dont know what it is that supposed to be wrong with me. Im working on the things Ive identified and I feel Ive made some huge strides...but hubby makes me feel that Im way more screwed up than I feel. Maybe he's right. Maybe Im right. Maybe the counselor is right. Maybe we're all screwed up. Who knows. Im just feeling nervous (yet hopeful) for my session this afternoon. I want the same thing everyone wants...happiness, self worth, love and a feeling of contentment. Sorry...babbling again...

[Larisa]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

Right - you are clearly NOT happy - you just don't know it!!! Face the facts - you are NOT happy!!

[Readyornot]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

Larisa;376162 wrote: Right - you are clearly NOT happy - you just don't know it!!! Face the facts - you are NOT happy!!

Well damn. I thought I was feeling rather good, all things considered. Poo. I guess Ill go back to slouching and mumbling and going all emo and stuff. Sounds like a good time. :H

[A Work in Progress]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

Hey, Ready, I know a bit about counseling, having been known to teach the stuff... sounds as if your counselor is not well-versed on alcohol issues, and that's not a good thing, at all, for you OR for your marriage. That business of "delve deeper and figure out WHY you do so-and-so" just burns me up because it is in many ways SUCH a waste of time... Nobody EVER quit doing something just because they have come up with some deep, dark reason WHY they have been doing it for two zillion years... It's cognitive/mental masturbation that primarily serves to benefit the counselor, who doesn't know how to REALLY help people with their problems.

OK that's my little rant for the day. Well actually it's my second one. Surely that's enough ranting??? I do know there are many who disagree with me, and that's fine...

wip

[Bambi]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

Dear Readyornot,

My Hubby has stuck by me for almost years with my drinking problem. He is a sweetheart. Granted they haven't all been with roses but we are still in love. But he keeps asking me WHY? I don't know WHY? I have two wonderful kids, and a house(home) with bills paid, cars, pets.... a great life and I am a stay at home MOM, my dream job growing up! Guess I got bored, that is the only thing I can think of! There is no deep down secret. I love to drink, period. I like the way it makes me feel.

Sooooo.... I guess since there isn't anything "hidden" we need to find a way to "love" life without the booze!

Sorry I know you were asking about counseling and we have had none. Thought I would throw in my own counseling session I guess. $20.00 please

Good Luck....Don't Worry, Be Happy!

Best Wishes,
Bambi

[Readyornot]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

A Work in Progress;376178 wrote: Hey, Ready, I know a bit about counseling, having been known to teach the stuff... sounds as if your counselor is not well-versed on alcohol issues, and that's not a good thing, at all, for you OR for your marriage. That business of "delve deeper and figure out WHY you do so-and-so" just burns me up because it is in many ways SUCH a waste of time... Nobody EVER quit doing something just because they have come up with some deep, dark reason WHY they have been doing it for two zillion years... It's cognitive/mental masturbation that primarily serves to benefit the counselor, who doesn't know how to REALLY help people with their problems.



OK that's my little rant for the day. Well actually it's my second one. Surely that's enough ranting??? I do know there are many who disagree with me, and that's fine...

wip

Nah..Wip, my HUSBAND is the one who says I have all these deep hidden unaddressed issues. I havent even brought up the AL abuse to my counselor...that's this afternoon. I think maybe my husband's clinical depression MIGHT be what's making him think these things about me (or maybe I AM screwed up) ...misery loves company and all that. I dont know. I just want to make myself strong and healthy...if counseling helps, great. If not... I guess Ill just have to buckle down harder on myself.

[A Work in Progress]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

OH!! Never mind....

that'll teach me to read the preceding posts a BIT more carefully, eh????

Hope it goes well with the counselor!

wip

[evie]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

Hi there!
Just to say that me and my hubby are going for councelling at the mo.... have been through many tough years mainly due to me being ill with eating disorder and not being an 'evenly' balanced marriage. If you get a good councellor like we have got then I hope they are helping you listen to what the other person is saying. It has made such a difference to us as before councelling it felt like we were battling against each other- now it feels more like we are trying to work together to fight the difficulties that life has thrown at us.
Keep on hoping and not giving up and if necessary try another counsellor?
Wishing all the best
:l

[Readyornot]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

Well, went to counseling yesterday and feel pretty good about things. Seems Im not as screwed up as my husband thinks I am I was told that i was making good choices and received some guidance in dealing with the things that have been troubling me. Hubby and I are both going back together this weekend. I was leary of counselors before (but now that Ive found one that agrees with me :H, but still challenges my thinking and decisions) I feel like I have one more brick of support under a slightly shaky, yet stronger, foundation.

[daisy-doo]

Realtionship counseling...who's done it?

Hi ready just scanned through this postt, just read that you hsband wants to get to the rot of why u have a problem with alchol ?? which ok is fair enough but if u had diabetis ( which god forbid u never will) would he want to look at why u got it ??? cause he would not he would except it was an illness and help u to find a treatment,. But that the problem with this illnes loads of peole see it as a life choice ?? ya as if ?. My experience of ciuncilling is that unless the perosn has suffered with this disaese they really don't get it and there help for me has no been that usefull and I too had the experience of a councillor not beliveing i had a problem with alchol as I was not drunk everyday living in a cardboadr box. But again in my experience if u have relationship problems drinking will only make it worse . Don't know if any of this is helpful but good luck DD x