I'm such a failure

[johannbaby]

Hi everyone........
Having had a great week a couple of weeks ago where I didn't have anything at all to drink from Sun through to Thursday I have gone all to hell again. I had a BBQ at my sisters last weekend followed by the bank hols and apart from one night without anything I have had a bottle of wine every night since - with a bit more over this weekend. I feel so crap about myself and ashamed that I can't control my drinking like "normal" people. My husband thinks I'm awful and does nothing other than criticise me rather than try to offer some sort of support but then I think maybe I'm expecting too much from him. He doesn't talk much to me and I spend a lot of my evenings on my own once my kids are in bed.........think that's when the drinking started getting out of hand I drink a lot due to boredom. When I don't drink I don't have any cravings or problems but it's just when I start I find it hard to stop - 1 glass is never enough yet if I have none I'm fine. I want to start the week by saying I'm having no more - or at least just none during week and a bottle at weekend but I am so scared I won't be strong enough to do it...........:upset:

[time2change]

I'm such a failure

johann
I'm so sorry that you ar feeling so low. Most of us can relate to those feelings. You did make it all week a few weeks ago so you know you can do that. Pick yourself up and start over. Read the book, get the supps, read, post and chat. We wll know how you feel. This is doable. You sound like you really want to do it so do not give up.

[irishlady]

I'm such a failure

Hi Johann,
I agree with all that time2change has said to you, it is doable and you have mnanaged to do it for one week, you just have to do it step by step and its amazing just how quickly those steps add up. You did say something quite significant in your post, boredom!!. That can be a trap, so what you should do, at least for a while is during the day plan your evening, don't just let things happen or don't just sit there staring at the tv while you think about drink. Have you any hobbies you could start up again, if not, start a new one, read, knit, do a jigsaw, anything to keep your hands and mind busy. Also don't keep telling yourself how much you would love a drink, and don't tell yourself that you can't drink, or that you have given it up, straight away your mind will feel the denial, instead keep saying to yourself that you don't want a drink and then go and do something else. I know all that sounds easy, but I have been there myself and I know its damn hard, it takes courage and determination. One more thing, please change your mood indicator from SAD to HOPEFUL, it will give you a more positive message, and it goes without saying that you must keep on coming on here, even if you don't post, reading the posts of others will keep you occupied and determined.

I wish you luck,
Louise x

[CS04]

I'm such a failure

Irish Lady (Louise),
Nice to see you --I have your Swimming Pool post printed out!

[johannbaby]

I'm such a failure

Thanks

Hey guys thanks so much for your posts and encouragement it's all so helpful and makes me feel I really can do it!!!! I can't remember how to change my mood - help?? LOL x:thanks:

Ooops just discovered!!!!

[CS04]

I'm such a failure

Johann,
I have been having difficulties with my hubby too. But he has agreed to do one week AF with me. I know I need more than that, but as he continues to drink it is very hard for me. So I also feel optimistic! We will conquer the Beast. Eventually.

[johannbaby]

I'm such a failure

This forum is just soo helpful I can't tell you how much better I've felt since reading of others like myself. I've tended to think I must be the only one like me up till I found this...........it's very heartening. I wish you luck too and let's keep in touch - do you have MSN??

[CS04]

I'm such a failure

MSN like Micro Soft? Email program? Not sure why it matters....

[Nurseindistress]

I'm such a failure

It is hard

I have been doing FAIRLY well. Today I called my daughter and my SIL told me they are talking about a big family (his family) vacation they are going to take next summer on the ocean. His parents are paying for most of the part of it. Today, later, is his mother's birthday, and they are all (the whole family) going over to my daughter's house for that. Now in my head I know that they have to do their thing with my SIL's family. With my daughter, there are only the 2 of us. I feel happy for her intellectually, but mentally I am so depressed and feel lonely. I was going to be AF today, but already had one glass of wine. I know I have to make my own life, but never seem to be able to start. Anyway, I understand what you mean about having something meaningful to fill up the time. I need to do that also, obviously. It is not easy, but I do know that this one drink did not help me--I feel worse, if anything. (with an urge to have more) When we can remember that, and not give in it will be so much easier. Good luck to you.

[Yosemite Sam]

I'm such a failure

johannbaby;379571 wrote: Hi everyone........
Having had a great week a couple of weeks ago where I didn't have anything at all to drink from Sun through to Thursday I have gone all to hell again.

..think that's when the drinking started getting out of hand I drink a lot due to boredom. When I don't drink I don't have any cravings or problems but it's just when I start I find it hard to stop - 1 glass is never enough yet if I have none I'm fine. I want to start the week by saying I'm having no more - or at least just none during week and a bottle at weekend but I am so scared I won't be strong enough to do it...........:upset:

Yo, never reinforce the negative...
Don't say I am such a failure. Say instead, I have not learned enough to stay
sober longer. Then pay attention to your desires and triggers and guard your
sobriety like the treasure that it is.

You have already proven to yourself that you can not drink, so stop feeling
sorry for yourself, stand up and start over!

Don't be afraid, there is nothing to fear, stand up and see how
strong you are.

When you fall down, stand up again, please do it for yourself
as you are worth it.

with love, Sam

[nancy]

I'm such a failure

Hi Johann

Are you saying that the most you usually have is a bottle of wine? Does that make you black out or behave horribly? If not your problem seems within reach of fixing, notwithstanding your husband's reaction.

It sounds to me like there are issues in your marriage apart from the drinking, so you have two issues to work on: your drinking problem and your marital problem.

If you find you are ok with not drinking if you don't start, it would seem to me that there is a lot of hope for you. start with no "starting to drink" during the week. What a huge amount of progress that would be and it seems within reach!

As for your husband, a lot of things might be going on. You might be so down on yourself that you are projecting your own negative feelings on him. or he may know you feel bad about your drinking yourself and is playing on it to make you feel bad. or he may be genuinely concerned and is trying to guilt-trip you into quitting, a strategy that is backfiring because you actually need support. Perhaps you can figure all that out. But at the end of the day, it's your problem and your responsibility to do something about it. Yes your spouse's opinion is important, but when you are emotional it's hard to see the other person and you don't know what he himself is going through that is affecting his behavior toward you.

Good luck.
Great to see wonderful Irish Lady again,