I was invited to a party Saturday night. I attended with an open mind as it was a wine tasting. Honestly, I sipped a few wines, drank a lot of water in between and was so in control of al. I mostly drank water when everyone was sucking down the wine. I was completely relaxed and enjoying myself, especially being sober. I left earlier than most and felt a sense of pride and satisfaction as I drove home.
Yesterday I was home relaxing and I started drinking. Why? Why not drink a lot at the party when everyone else is drinking? Why alone? So, today is day one again and frankly, I am getting tired of day 1 after day 1.
I have no problem with al in a social situation. The problem is when I am home. Alone. It has to be some sort of emotional thing. Excuse my french but what the fuck is this about? Why why why do I want to drink alone and isolate?
Granted, I as most of you have been thru a shitload in my life. I go to therapy and God knows I am so much better as I work thru all of my stuff but what is it about wanting to sabatoge myself? Sometimes I feel self hate and drinking is like punishing myself.
I am not an egotistical person but I want to tell all of you that my business is growing so fast lately that my head is spinning. I am producing my own cable cooking show and it is taking off. Opportunities are coming out of the woodwork. I feel like this is a Godsend but I can't shake the binge drinking alone. I will talk to my therapist about this but I trust everyone here and I don't know what to do. It is really the only negative in my life and I want it to fucking go away. What do I do? I am on the verge of tears right now.
If I continue to drink this way, I could lose everything good that is happening not to mention my health.
I am so disgusted with myself and so frustrated.
Sorry to ramble.
Yesterday I was home relaxing and I started drinking. Why? Why not drink a lot at the party when everyone else is drinking? Why alone? So, today is day one again and frankly, I am getting tired of day 1 after day 1.
I have no problem with al in a social situation. The problem is when I am home. Alone. It has to be some sort of emotional thing. Excuse my french but what the fuck is this about? Why why why do I want to drink alone and isolate?
Granted, I as most of you have been thru a shitload in my life. I go to therapy and God knows I am so much better as I work thru all of my stuff but what is it about wanting to sabatoge myself? Sometimes I feel self hate and drinking is like punishing myself.
I am not an egotistical person but I want to tell all of you that my business is growing so fast lately that my head is spinning. I am producing my own cable cooking show and it is taking off. Opportunities are coming out of the woodwork. I feel like this is a Godsend but I can't shake the binge drinking alone. I will talk to my therapist about this but I trust everyone here and I don't know what to do. It is really the only negative in my life and I want it to fucking go away. What do I do? I am on the verge of tears right now.
If I continue to drink this way, I could lose everything good that is happening not to mention my health.
I am so disgusted with myself and so frustrated.
Sorry to ramble.
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