I've only been a member of MWO for 3 weeks, but during that time I have spent quite a lot of time here, reading posts, responding to them, starting a few threads. It's been very helpful to me; I was totally ready to quit drinking when I first logged on, and am really happy and grateful that I haven't had a drink since that day. It is my great hope, and my commitment, that I never drink alcohol again.
Since I'm a veteran of AA, I have found it interesting and intriguing to be working within a recovery program that includes people who are actively drinking alcohol, and some who are actively abusing alcohol. It's been great to see some people really turn that around, and get alcohol out of their lives, and it's also been a bit disturbing to see long-time members who seem pretty regularly to be getting drunk. There's quite a mix of people here, and really wonderful people, I might add.
Anyway, I have been startled, a couple of times at least, to see members starting threads with posts that are all about having had a drink or two, with descriptions of their successful occasions of drinking. The comments to the posts are supportive and encouraging. Again, this is new to me, and provokes a lot of thought and reflection.
I also see much emphasis laid on whether or not having a drink was "planned," with the implication that "planning" somehow makes it safe, or OK, or something. Maybe I am just too biased in favor of the abstinence model. But when I see people report that they have had a couple of drinks, on a single occasion, after being AF for a while, and they are all happy and pleased about it, and get all kinds of praise and support about it... it gives me pause. And that's because I have done that, too. I was AF for 3 years once, and a year or two after that... and for other periods of time... after each of those times, the first time (or two or three, or ten times) that I drank, I didn't get drunk. And so I thought I had it beat, and I felt fine about it... until I started getting drunk, again. And again, and again...
One thing that I hear expressed over and over again is the intense desire of many people here to be able to "moderate," or "drink normally." Some folks struggle with that, off and on, for years, and experience genuine anguish when it seems they cannot accomplish it. There is, in these messages and struggles, a common theme: the incredible importance of alcohol in the mind (the heart) of the problem drinker (or alcoholic or addict or person dependent on alcohol... the terminology is unimportant, here).
I have been trying to imagine a person who genuinely IS a "normal drinker," being told that for some reason s/he cannot ever consume alcohol again... and I cannot imagine such a person going hog-wild nutso about it, or deeply grieving it, the way that problem drinkers do. I believe that there is this central and (for many) unpleasant truth: the more important alcohol is to me... the more important it is that I not consume it. If it matters terribly to me whether or not I can drink the stuff... then I had better not drink it. And if it really doesn't matter that much to me, if I have it or not... then I can have it, no problem. In other words: Life is unfair.
This is certainly not an original insight of mine, alone... it is described, in different terms, in the MWO book, something likes this: you can drink moderately if you feel about alcohol the way you feel about butter... something nice, but not something crucial to have, and to have in huge quantities...
But I seem to be seeing this really central idea getting lost, for a lot of people... and it's something I have been mulling over, as I get accustomed to this new recovery program, and the people in it.
I wonder how others view all of this, or feel about it. Actually, I wonder just a bit whether it is even safe to bring it up! But honesty and openness are cornerstones of my own recovery program (and my life), and somehow this topic feels (to me) just a bit like the old elephant in the living room, and that bothers me. So I put it out there, with all respect to and affection for all of the members here. Each of us is struggling to find our own way, and I am happy to be walking alongside each of you.
wip
Since I'm a veteran of AA, I have found it interesting and intriguing to be working within a recovery program that includes people who are actively drinking alcohol, and some who are actively abusing alcohol. It's been great to see some people really turn that around, and get alcohol out of their lives, and it's also been a bit disturbing to see long-time members who seem pretty regularly to be getting drunk. There's quite a mix of people here, and really wonderful people, I might add.
Anyway, I have been startled, a couple of times at least, to see members starting threads with posts that are all about having had a drink or two, with descriptions of their successful occasions of drinking. The comments to the posts are supportive and encouraging. Again, this is new to me, and provokes a lot of thought and reflection.
I also see much emphasis laid on whether or not having a drink was "planned," with the implication that "planning" somehow makes it safe, or OK, or something. Maybe I am just too biased in favor of the abstinence model. But when I see people report that they have had a couple of drinks, on a single occasion, after being AF for a while, and they are all happy and pleased about it, and get all kinds of praise and support about it... it gives me pause. And that's because I have done that, too. I was AF for 3 years once, and a year or two after that... and for other periods of time... after each of those times, the first time (or two or three, or ten times) that I drank, I didn't get drunk. And so I thought I had it beat, and I felt fine about it... until I started getting drunk, again. And again, and again...
One thing that I hear expressed over and over again is the intense desire of many people here to be able to "moderate," or "drink normally." Some folks struggle with that, off and on, for years, and experience genuine anguish when it seems they cannot accomplish it. There is, in these messages and struggles, a common theme: the incredible importance of alcohol in the mind (the heart) of the problem drinker (or alcoholic or addict or person dependent on alcohol... the terminology is unimportant, here).
I have been trying to imagine a person who genuinely IS a "normal drinker," being told that for some reason s/he cannot ever consume alcohol again... and I cannot imagine such a person going hog-wild nutso about it, or deeply grieving it, the way that problem drinkers do. I believe that there is this central and (for many) unpleasant truth: the more important alcohol is to me... the more important it is that I not consume it. If it matters terribly to me whether or not I can drink the stuff... then I had better not drink it. And if it really doesn't matter that much to me, if I have it or not... then I can have it, no problem. In other words: Life is unfair.
This is certainly not an original insight of mine, alone... it is described, in different terms, in the MWO book, something likes this: you can drink moderately if you feel about alcohol the way you feel about butter... something nice, but not something crucial to have, and to have in huge quantities...
But I seem to be seeing this really central idea getting lost, for a lot of people... and it's something I have been mulling over, as I get accustomed to this new recovery program, and the people in it.
I wonder how others view all of this, or feel about it. Actually, I wonder just a bit whether it is even safe to bring it up! But honesty and openness are cornerstones of my own recovery program (and my life), and somehow this topic feels (to me) just a bit like the old elephant in the living room, and that bothers me. So I put it out there, with all respect to and affection for all of the members here. Each of us is struggling to find our own way, and I am happy to be walking alongside each of you.
wip
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