The Importance of Alcohol

[gabby]

The Importance of Alcohol

Very good thread.

I dont consider this site to open. I calll it "inclusive". Which is good. Its ment to be that way. Its for anyone and everyone that has a need to try and find "their own way". I believe there are people that abuse alcohol that see it and are able to fix it like people that abuse food and are able to fix it by choosing a plan....a diet of their choice and implementing it, sticking to it and making it a lifestyle. Easier said then done for others.

Well I think alcohol is along the same lines only harder.

RJ's site makes it "ok" I guess if we wanna put it that way for people to try to moderate their alcohol issues if they can and lets face it alkies.....some of them can. I'm not one of them - darnit. and ya I'm kinda jealous just like I am kinda jealous of the people that can lose weight easily or dont have a weight issue at all - but its just not the deal for me.

So Ednas diet plan isnt gonna be Marthas diet plan and my alcohol plan might not be Sallys. Although my tricks might help you and So and so might help that guy. See what I mean? Of course the wackos are everywhere we all know that. For example, I am probably one of em...grrr

[Starlight Impress Forever]

The Importance of Alcohol

I think successful mods is like an art that has to be learned, only, not everyone has a flair for the same art.

Yes, there are many people here who are struggling with their attempt(s) at mods, but that is just how mods goes, especailly in the beginning.......people struggle to achieve it and have to decide over time if they really can drink moderately. The ultimate mods is to be able to set a limit and adhere to that limit, almost effortlessly.......some members have indeed reached that stage, but it takes time and perseverance.......THAT is why there seem to be a few overindulging here.......they are mostly trying out mods to see if it will stick for them. That`s very different from someone posting that they happily got drunk the previous night.....I joined MWO in Mar 2007, and.......I have never yet seen such a post.

To be perfectly honest, I think the vast majority, myself included, arrived at MWO, hoping and praying that mods would be there for the taking, only to find that the repeated struggle to limit their drinking was becoming too much like hard labour.

Never did I intend to cut alcohol out of my life altogether when I came here.......the very idea was preposterous at that time. However, I failed miserably at mods and finally had to stop pretending I couldn`t count and conveniently developing temporary amnesia. Today, the idea of drinking is preposterous to me. So saying, it was initially with great reluctance that I had to admit that mods was simply outwith my capabilities.

I think MWO is about our struggles to reach the stage in our lives where drink isn`t causing us any problems, where both successful modsters and the abstinent are living contented lives.

Darling x

[AAthlete]

The Importance of Alcohol

WIP, I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade my sobriety and serenity for anything - even if it were my last day on earth. Right now I can still remember what the obsession drove me to do, and all the pain and suffering that I caused, and if I were to try and drink again I know what would happen.

The switch has been flipped.... and I know I will never be able to drink normally again... and moderation will never, ever be an option...

But I'm cool with that now - I am done fighting with alcohol. I won by giving up. Now I log on here and try to share my stories with others, and try to offer those who are asking for help words of hope and encouragement. I believe there are people here for whom the 'switch' has not yet been flipped and they can moderate and enjoy their drinking - and more power to them.

This site really is for all people. I try to stick to the threads that relate to me and my experiences and tend to stay away from the others. As the old saying goes, 'to each his own.'

[gyco]

The Importance of Alcohol

very interesting post,owl,ive been in and more out of AA for years,even at a young age,19 0r so,and im 55 now,i lerned a lot 5 months ago in the hospital or sanitarium,or mental hospital,but never mind the name,i do beleive when we or i get as far as i did,somthing has to happen,when you get up and try to barrf but nothin but air comes up,figure somthings wrong,have a drink,the pain goes a way for a while,next time,AA as i no it wont put up with some crap,ive attended AA meetings when someone comes in half in the bag,they didnt have the balls to tell him to leave,out of respect,for him and his or her situation they can stay,if the post from someone bother you,simple like drinkin,dont read it,dont drink it,as we no easier said then done,but i here you gyco

[1967]

The Importance of Alcohol

i think i'm getting my confidence back too.
yesterday i found myself at a beachside bar alone. waiting on a friend. i was uncomfortable there and thirsty. i ordered a diet coke and wondered why i hadn't just avoided bars in the past? instead of drinking until i felt comfortable enough to be there?
i specifically remember drinking until i felt comfortable... madness really?
now i just feel like i don't belong in bars amongst strangers.
today is 45 days AF for me.

[Larisa]

The Importance of Alcohol

This is a very interesting thread, thanks.

I'm one of those who tried and failed repeatedly in AA; found MWO by typing the words "how I quit drinking" into the google search bar one day when I was feeling desperate. I've done it all by the book, and today I have 72 or so days sober. I did drink when I was first on 200 mg of topa, and I got buzzed, and it was really horrible and depressing. The main thought I kept having was, why, why am I doing this? I NEVER knew if I would have a chance to get sober, and I'd had a few days in a row at that point, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was trying to screw it up. It was like a huge gift had been given to me to save my life, and I was playing games trying to see if I could destroy it just for fun. Dude, let's see what it's like to be drunk on this topamax stuff I had to lie my ass off to get from a doctor and then order in bulk from India cuz I hate being drunk so much. Un-freakin-believable.

And yes, I still have cravings sometimes that no reasoning in the world can get rid of. I wish I didn't.

I'm not saying this with any agenda or trying to put down anybody who's trying to moderate - I'm finding my way out (I hope!), and I support you 100% in finding yours. This is just my experience, to throw in the mix.

[FloridaBoy]

The Importance of Alcohol

:welcome: Great post. *I* think it gets down to knowing yourself. I now know I cannot drink and since stopping I have no desire to get into the trap. Would I like to be able to enjoy a few beers? Yes. But I just can't have a 'few'. I am just glad that I finally accepted
this fact. This is an excellent site and I am sure I would still be drinking if I had not found it.

I don't miss the hangovers.

[boozehag]

The Importance of Alcohol

Good thread and interesting observations. Here is my 2p worth.
I agree that it is each to their own and there are so many of us with different variations of the same theme that what works for some does not work for others. I am modding now and I feel confident that I can do that for the foreseeable future (now that I have a future - yipee) but I did follow the program as closely as I could for the first 3 months. I got to 30 days AF then another 30 days then another 30 and then I tried modding. I admit I had a couple of close calls when I first started modding but nothing too major and that was in fact helpful as it let me know what my new boundaries were. It hasnt happened since. I was a binge drinker and binge smoker (hard core) but being a binger I was used to 3/4 days (although the gap was narrowing) without AL before the binge AL craving kicked in again. Obviously I had to beat that binge craving which usually meant if I had one drink I would have every drink within a 10 km radius or taxi ride! I did manage it as that is what the 3 months did for me - it broke that binge craving habit. I wont say it wasnt hard it was - but at the same time it was also exhilarating and I was euphoric just getting those first 30 days done and then the next 30 - I felt so good as I rose to the challenge and my life and my enjoyment of life improved exponentially. Now I am just normal (well I am still a lunatic just not a drunk one) and the honey moon period is over but I really dont have any cravings much any more and if I do I just recognise it for what it is and dont even worry about it - I just say ah hello there you are hmmm interesting. Also I guess I was lucky in that for me smoking was a huge trigger for a binge drinking session and as I am not smoking any more that got rid of the biggest trigger for me. I am coming up to six months at the end of August and I truly can hardly remember what it was like to waste a day on a hangover and all that guilt and anxiety are gone too. Modding to me means I can have a drink when I go out for a meal or similar if I feel like it and sometimes I do and sometimes I dont - no big deal either way. So far that is working well. I wasted so much of my life in that binge cycle drinking and smoking, hungover, anxious, depressed, guilty and then recovery and straight back to drinking again. If I had not found this site at that point in my life I would not and could not have done it and maybe if I had found it before I hit rock bottom it might not have been the right time. All I know is that I have had the best freaking six months of my life (healthy and happy) and the best bit is I know there is more to come. I completely respect everyone's own way to get there and I see the struggle it is for some to do that in their own particular circumstances (for example lots of people who are still at home with small children find it difficult to change their habits as they dont have much personal freedom) I just thank my lucky stars that I found this program and I hope my sucess can be an inspiration to some.
BH (no more)

[A Work in Progress]

The Importance of Alcohol

I've been fascinated by the many and varied responses on this thread. I do understand, of course (thanks, Nancy) that these topics obviously must have been discussed before on this forum, and probably the whole set of questions like mine recurs periodically, as new people arrive and look around and try it all on "for size." All in all, the MWO is engaged in one hell of a balancing act, and it is taking place within a large and ever-changing community... essentially, a large organism, constantly changing shape and color.

When I posted the thread, last night, I was somewhat disturbed by what seemed like an excessive (whatever that might be!) amount of distress and disarray that was "going around," like the flu or something, and some real unpleasantness (some, but not all, related to episodes of intoxication) between members. Frankly, I still am; I feel a bit wary and uneasy... in sort of the same way that a kid feels in a home with parents who are unstable and/or drinking. But/And: Just like nearly everyone else here, I'm trying to find a way to work out my own recovery program, using MWO (and especially, this site and the support of its members) as a core part of my recovery work. There are people here I already feel close to, and people I feel I can count on to share my commitment to being free of alcohol. And there are many mis-steps and wrong turns taken along the way for just about all of us (certainly, there have been for me!). If we stay clear-eyed and clear-minded and compassionate, we can help each other.

wip

[gabby]

The Importance of Alcohol

WIP I think you are very in tune to you your feelings and an asset to yourself more then you realize. Rely on yourself. Its a very safe to be.

[nancy]

The Importance of Alcohol

Yes well, there are a lot of people on this site (myself included) who think that its important to be supportive even when people fail over and over again because self-esteem can get so low and it sometimes takes a really long time to recover.

Others seem to believe in Tough Love and think it's wishy washy and unhelpful to support people morally when they are not making any progress and not following the program. People get particularly angry when drunk driving is involved, which I can somewhat understand, but some have accused posters of being cavalier and selfish when malicious intent was not clear. Domestic violence by drunk posters is another topic that often results in a witch hunt.

We had a bad tough love period where people were accused of "whining" because they talked about personal problems and we lost some who were struggling but failing. I think actually some of these stories of struggles are good because others can relate and learn of triggers and know they are not alone.

We also went through a bad period where those who were failing accused people who had been succeeding of being discouraging because they had succeeded or gloating, which was ridiculous as some of these were our best members! And we need success stories! We lost some as a result. So we have seen it all. That is why so many people on your thread advise living and let live because we have different needs and want to be inclusive and don't want to lose people unnecessarily.

I have written of many of the things above on other posts but newer members may not be familiar with past debates.

Anyway, it's good to have you on board WIP and again thanks for bringing this subject up tactfullly where really so little tact has been shown in the past. I read the book you advised called Mindful Way Through Depression and am finding it really useful.

Nancy

[Elizabeth]

The Importance of Alcohol

AWP your last comments make a lot of sense. Irish Lady you are an inspiration. Life seems as dark as ever after alcohol got the better of me once more the other night. Getting to grips with this once and for all or shrouding myself in my inpenatrable blanket to stop the hurt and disappointment. But reading this thread and the many comments was good and throws a light of hope. Thats what makes MWO work.

[Arial]

The Importance of Alcohol

Hi WiP et al,

A very interesting thread - thought provoking and interesting variety of responses/viewpoints etc. which is possibly one of the greatest strengths of the site - it is open to everyone who has a problem with alcohol but it also allows everyone to take the journey in their own way. Being a 'distance' recovery program offering anonymity, no face-to-face where you have to explain yourself or feel embarrassed by your failures is crucial for me - I can't imagine taking this problem to a face-to-face situation with anyone!. That being said, one of the problems of this form of communication is that putting in to writing what you're trying to express is not always easy, and it can be easy to misinterpret intentions or meaning. Issues sometimes escalate, people get hurt and lose the feeling that they've found a 'safe haven'.

This site has been the salvation for many ? myself included. Though I have never been too prolific in my contributions, the support I have received has been enormous, through the inspiration of others, through gaining strength from others? experiences and stories, through reading, reading, reading, taking a wonderful word of wisdom from here and one from there. So I take the site and the wonderful people here for what they are ? tools to help take that new direction in life and friends to be there to rejoice and empathise as needed. I do think, though, that picking and chosing what threads/issues are personally comfortable is a way to help keep the site a positive and supportive environment for each individual.

Enough of my ramblings ...
Arial

[lizalaraine]

The Importance of Alcohol

I am a believer things happen for a reason. I was not directed to this site by chance. I have lived around alcoholics all my adult life. I have read everything I could get my hands on to know how to understand and help everyone involved. I started a local Alanon program 3 yrs ago in our community. Alcoholism is a family problem and everyone suffers to one degree or another. But the jokes on me - I ended up an alcoholic.

For me to then be on the other side of the fence, has left me wracked by guilt and low self esteem. I am a very in control person but I haven't been able to control the alcohol for a period of time. That is why this site has been such a haven for me. I have not been able to share the problem I have with alcohol with anyone. Here the kind words and support give me the strength to battle this problem. The committment to be AF has to come from within my soul.

I think it is an inspiration the people that post their days AF - whether it be 2 or 200 - it gives me hope there is hope - it can be done. :goodjob: There is something to learn from every single person here.

With all that said, thank you to everyone for their support - with pats on the back, understanding, kind words and at times the stern down to earth kick in the ass I need.:thanks:
Blessings - Liz

[jane jane]

The Importance of Alcohol

How true that is, WIP, about "normal" drinkers looking at a cocktail like butter---nice but not VITAL to a good time! It's long puzzled me, how I can be such a model of moderation in every other aspect of my life---do without desserts, consume VERY sparingly of bread (and butter,) say "no" to fried foods mostly, NEVER any meat (vegetarian, occasional fish cheater and am known in our social circle as "the health nut." SO WHY CAN A BIG COLD BOTTLE OF PINOT GRIGIO MAKE ME WILD TO FINISH IT? If I knew the answer to THAT, well...I'd be rich!