Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

[morrison]

Ugggg. My life has been so much better in the last several months because I decided to go AF. Well, I did slip here and there, and there is always one common factor. Social events. I can not be around groups of people. The thing is, I'm fine with that. I always have been a loner, and I like it. I don't know why people get freaked about it like it's some type of infectious disease. Anyway, I went out last night with a bunch of guys/gals from work because of peer pressure. I'm not long with the company, so I didn't want to offend. Well, I analyzed this night, and thought I'd skip the antabuse for a bit. First off, that stuff does stay in your system, which I've learned before, but obviously didn't learn enough. Long story short, I got wasted and feel totally embarrassed today. I am making the commitment to not doing things if I don't feel comfortable. It's my life. Am I wrong and selfish for feeling this way? I don't sit home and pout, I love my life now. I just hate social gatherings and get physically ill for some crazy reason. I'm putting this on here because I'm guessing I'm not the only person on here that relies on the drink to relax in certain situations.

[morrison]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Thanks more2. You know where I'm coming from. I basically got freaked at just the thought of a get together. Not the party itself, but just the though of it. I dwelled on it over and over, and told myself to skip the antabuse. How F***ed up is that? And I did just what you described. Oh, I'll only have a couple to take the edge off. Well, what happens then? You get a buzz, and get stupid, and drink more and more, and nobody puts you in line until it's too late. I become a completely different person when I drink, and now others have seen the ugly. Uggg. I F**king hate myself. I should have just stayed home. Now I will. Staying sober is more important to me than making friends, which ironically, isn't going to happen when I meet booze.

[startingover]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Me too! I really struggle in social situations with or without a drink. Well with a drink I am just less aware that I am struggling. Since I have been af I have really avoided all that I can, and can honestly say I have never been happier. What worries me is that I will always be like this, even feel shy here sometimes although trying not to. Like you I think I just need to take the pressure off myself and not do things I am uncomfortable with. But then I risk being disliked or thought odd. I guess being drunk will not make people think that highly of me? Difficult one. I am also scared of being lonely. I am hoping with more and more time af my confidence will increase. Totally understand that anxiety thing though.

[morrison]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Hello starting over. Yeah, it would be nice if we can all be social butterflies, but some of us are not. Just hold tight to the ones that love you, and you'll be fine. You sound like me. We are happy within our shell, but society places a Scarlett letter on us like we are feaks. I just don't think it's worth it. For me, it's a trigger, and I think we all learned what our triggers are and the consequences. I forgot, and I'm paying the price today. I should have just said I can't go. I'd love to learn to have fun with groups, but I don't see it happening. I'm good with a small group, but large groups freak me out, and I feel like I'm going to explode. Weird. I know there are meds for this shit, but I don't want to take any more meds.

[KateH1]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Hi Morrison, you have always been a favorite of mine here at MWO. From what we all heard of the Vegas Meetup......you are even better in person! But, I too can relate to your story in regards to social anxiety. I am not a group or party sort of person. This is strange but, I can and have spoken in front of 1,000 people, but put me in a room at a party with 20 people and my anxiety goes through the roof! Crazy, I know. I also cannot tell you how many times, I have had "just one to relax" and then got totally drunk only to make a true arse out of myself. So, as others have assured you, you are not alone in this.

Since going AF 7 months ago, I have had to go to business gatherings and a few social events. It is far better for me to be a bit reserved than flaming drunk! And, I am beginning to get more comfortable at this sort of thing. Meditating before having to attend an event helps amazingly well for me!

So happy to see you back here, hope we hear more from you!

xxKate

[startingover]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

I am OK one on one or small groups (sometimes) it's good that you are too. There are some that aren't.
Trouble is I always think THIS time I will have a good time not drink too much and be witty confident and all those good things. You'd think by my age (44) that I would have learned that isn't going to happen.
I guess if we all stopped trying we would give up. I think that I am just going to stop trying so hard.

[morrison]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Hey Kate. A 1000 people? I would explode. I swear, I would have an attack. I had a meeting a few months ago, and barely made it out alive, and there were only about 20 people. I know it is completely irrational. I know my psychology. When it happens, I realize it is not logical,but it happens anyway. Ugggs. I hate it. I know it's not going to change at this point. Im too old to change my ways. That is why I'm thinking it's best to stay home if you can. Work is work, and we have to do what we have to do. But social gatherings, F it. I'm staying home, and not feeling ashamed of it.

[Dolly Sunshine]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

I have always enjoyed your posts Morrison as I find them open and honest. I'm with Kate. When I go out now I may be more quiet than I used to be but I never have to worry the next day what I said or did. Plus now I see people acting how I used to when I thought I was oh so fun and I don't want to be that person. Glad you're back

[bloggy]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Hi Morrison

I have worked in social settings (pubs etc) for most of my life but the truth is I HATE having to be social.

I love being on my own with my animals, and even a simple meeting with a friend or a phone call will have me reaching for a drink. I understand this is maybe not 'normal' but it is how I am, and although I am continually hearing how 'unsociable' I am through third parties, maybe that is the way it has to be.

I would rather be criticized for this seemingly flaw in my character, than be dead through poisoning myself trying to conform.

[KateH1]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

You should never be ashamed of enjoying your own company Morrison.......shoot! That is truly healthy in my book. Truth be known.....I love my time alone and I take a lot of it! Then I just have my family and a few close friends. What is it Det has on his signature..."Know Thyself"......pretty smart guy he is!

I think the reason that I am good at speaking in front of lg groups is because it is like an acting job. It is not me, it is the character I play!! LOL, no seriously, that is the way that I have always handled that! Talk about pathology!!

[Guest]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Morrison, i so know what you mean my social anxiety keeps me from doing a lot then I will drink in a social setting usually making a fool of myself and a mental note to never see these people again. I have valium for my panic attacks and it helps, but I don't like to take it very often. I like you are a loner by nature it suits me fine to be alone. But we do need human contact not what we get through cyber space. hard as hell though. My husband laughs at me because i have all these clothes and shoes and he says where are you going to wear them to a make belive party? I have missed you friend, continued success
Mar

[morrison]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Wow. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Quick replies to this. I love you all. I lived with the bullshit for too long. Marb said it best. Better to be alone(which we are not, we love and are loved) than poison ourselves. I'm so glad I met you all. When I met some of the members in person, I was nervous, but we had such a blast. Such amazing people. But that was our choice. I'm glad I did. Still, I just wish I could say "NO" to parties without getting ragged to death of how much of a dud I was. Fuck it. I'm gonna be a dud. Sober, home, a dud. Or maybe with a true friend. I love you guys. I'm cheered up now.

[Dolly Sunshine]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Just be true to yourself. Sometimes that is the hardest thing for any of us to do.

[Determinator]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

hey bro! glad you are here and not mired in depression.

look at all these great posts...are you loved or what?

Your logic is perfectly understandable and I agree. You know I used to be so anti-social that I would have panic attacks going to the bank or the grocery store. Fortunately my work forced me to address groups (boy did I hate them for it at first!!) but it's gotten better now.
You will find your own unique "style" socially as a healthy vibrant AF person. We all will. yeah, it's weird and different at first but what the hell. Being AF ain't for sissies! it's tough work and we should be proud.

[Determinatrix]

Social Anxiety - Maybe just stay home

Hey Brother,

I find it ironic that you feel social awkwardness. You light up a room; we are always so happy to see you.
You are so loved and love-able.
Definitely one of my favorite people here.

xoxox
Dx