Rain in my heart

[vera-b]

Rain in my heart

Hi all,

Not sure what a sticky is, but if it makes this accessible to everyone, I'm all for it. It is a shock to see. It is also scary in that we're all only steps away from this when we're drinking. Everyone in the clips was also a smoker, so their poor bodies don't stand a chance. This feels like looking at the "ghost of Christmas future" if behavior doesn't stop. It's really unnerving. Much to ponder.

Vera-b.

[CS04]

Rain in my heart

Stickies and Gremlins

Vera,
A 'sticky' puts a post at the top of a forum, for a very long time -- so when new members come to the site, it is one of the 1st things they can see nad read. For example, Iriish Lady/Louise's "Just Like A Swimming Pool' was something she just posted, but was deemed important enough to be 'moved up to the top', so it is a Sticky. (Like a Post-it Note - that is the analogy.)

I agree that "Rain in My Heart" is powerful. I have not had a chance to watch the whole thing yet. Thanks again StartingOver, for posting the series.

Whoever said that some of these folks are 'brain damaged', because Vanda talks about "it's all up here," pointing to her head. I disagree. I don't think that is brain damage. Certainly psychological damage, as she discusses the abuse from her father. The dr. talks about these patients having "gremlins." Well, I think we all have our own gremlins, some larger and scarier and louder than others. But I think the dr's point is what is in our heads that drrives us to do what we ultimately know is painful and/or destructive. Those are our gremlins. As Doggygirl's "beasts" in that thread, if we need something to visualize. Raahhh! Go away gremlins!

My 2 cents.
CS

[startingover]

Rain in my heart

Hi CS, glad you are finding this useful.
I think when I said they seemed brain damaged I meant that the alcohol had damaged them you know with slow speech and their cognitive processes affected apparently even when they were sober. I didn't mean to imply that they were drinking because they were brain damaged. Sorry, that wasnt terribly clear
You are right, everything is in our heads and that is what is so frightening.

So glad that this is helping people.

[Mad Mummy]

Rain in my heart

Hey, I watched this series when it was on BBC maybe a couple of years ago now and it was very painful to watch. I agree it should be "kept on top" certainly helps if you are in any kind of denial.

Thanks for bringing it back to light.

Bx

[bloggy]

Rain in my heart

startingover;392590 wrote: Hi CS, glad you are finding this useful.
I think when I said they seemed brain damaged I meant that the alcohol had damaged them you know with slow speech and their cognitive processes affected apparently even when they were sober. I didn't mean to imply that they were drinking because they were brain damaged. Sorry, that wasnt terribly clear
You are right, everything is in our heads and that is what is so frightening.

So glad that this is helping people.

I am wondering if this is what is known as 'Wet Brain' when you have drunk so much that even when not drinking you appear drunk.

A few years ago an alcoholic friend of mine began acting very strangely eventually so strangely I had to take him to the emergency department of the hospital- they diagnosed Wernicke's Syndrome ( a brain disease) which apparently is very common in alcoholics, although I had never heard of it.

Nobody wanted to know- not the authorities here, none of his so called 'friends' here or his family in England. He was completely incapable of caring for himself. In the end I had no choice but to take him by plane to England and leave him at the A&E department in Basildon, which was his home town, I had to let him go in alone with all his medical files and a letter, as I was afraid they too would turn him away if he went in accompanied.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but he was completely brain damaged, and steadily worsening. If you google it, you will find it is very common.


Here's a link. Scary Stuff- and believe me it is scary.

[shelbysmiles]

Rain in my heart

How tragic, Marbella. That is scary indeed.

[rubywillow]

Rain in my heart

Thank you

My daughter, who is an MD, has been the strongest advocate against my drinking for many years. I can't tell you all the times I've hurt her, including driving drunk with her daughter in the car. I went to bed in her house that day, and the next AM woke to find my 5-yr old g'daughter sitting by my bed, with water and aspirin for me, waiting to see if I was OK. That SHOULD have stopped me, but it didn't. I've lost my daughter's trust, and am slowly regaining it, after losing years with my grandchildren. She has a 2-yr old boy now, the first in our family in 37 years, and he adores me, but I can't be alone with him. Tip (daughter) also adopted a foster son the same age, and he and Jack (g'son) look like twins, but I've lost so much time with them all. They have become my purpose, my drive to be straight, so they won't be disappointed with me. Tip worked during residency in ICU at hospital, and told me about people coming in to die, from AL, grossly swollen, all yellow, and still begging for a drink. Why do we let this insidious monster murder us, mostly in the prime of our lives?!??! I know my g'children's lives would be diminished if I was gone. My daddy was alcohoic until 53, lived to 68 with heart disease, and told me over and over, " I did this to myself. I never want you to go thru this", but still I drank. Thanks for the links, should be a wake up call. On another addiction, watch "Sick Love" on HBO, the lives of drug addict couples. Lots' of similarities. Thank you, friends. I've never had a place to unload all my crap before without judgement.:thanks:

[startingover]

Rain in my heart

Marbella, that must have been heartbreaking. You poor thing. Do you know what happened to him?
I had not heard of that disease but I often wondered why hard core alcoholics sometimes still sound drunk when theyre not......

Ruby, I am glad you are here, this place is wonderful.

[bloggy]

Rain in my heart

startingover;392964 wrote: Marbella, that must have been heartbreaking. You poor thing. Do you know what happened to him?
I had not heard of that disease but I often wondered why hard core alcoholics sometimes still sound drunk when theyre not......

I never found out what had happened to him. Twenty per cent of Wernicke's sufferers die quite quickly within months I believe- I cared for him for 2 months here while trying to reach his family or get him placed in a care centre here. In that time he did worsen.

I managed to locate his family but because he had not contacted them for 10 years and had not been a good father; after a family meeting they decided to shun him, claiming his alcohol abuse to be the reason.

I had a huge argument with his son- I am sure his father had not been a good father but from the sound of him he did not sound like a very nice son either.

His daughter was more sympathetic, but said she would go along with the rest of the family as she had just had a child herself and did not need hassle.

The authorities here were extremely unhelpful- whereas with other illnesses this is not the case they are generally very good. Obviously the fact it was caused by alcohol swung the vote- nobody wanted to know.

It was very sad- he was 54 years old. He worked as a toilet cleaner in a night club where patrons would pay something like 10 euros then drink as much cheap s*** for free as they could all night. Needless to say there was plenty of sick everywhere and he was employed to clean it up.

In the winter he was unemployed and would just sit quietly in the cheapest bar in town getting drunk and reading a book. He never bothered anyone and was generally a kind, gentle person. He loved animals and I would once a week have him up my place to give me a hand with looking after the animals. This bit of money would keep him going- he ate one meal a day of the absolute cheapest thing he could find- a tin of bean stew or something would be typical. This was to save him more money for drink of course.

I often think about him and wonder if he is still alive.

[A Work in Progress]

Rain in my heart

Amazingly, brain damage is not really as common as we would guess, even after many years of hard drinking. The brain has remarkable resilience. The people in the video were all in situations, I believe, in which they had not been off the alcohol for very long, and they likely were being given anti-anxiety meds to help with the withdrawal symptoms (at least while in hospital, not while at home). That could contribute to their slow speech and apparent mild confusion... that, and depression. Hard to sort it out.

But, Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (usually just called Korsakoff's), which is a memory disorder, and other alcohol-related brain damage are certainly devastating. Any of us who have done a lot of heavy drinking should be very grateful we emerged pretty much intact... Wernicke's Aphasia is usually caused by stroke, and alcoholics are also more prone to having strokes...

wip

[vera-b]

Rain in my heart

Thank you CS for the sticky explanation. Makes perfect sense. And this thread SHOULD be a sticky. I just want to thank StartingOver for posting this. It has had a profound effect on me. I've never seen firsthand the effects of long term alcoholism before, but now I have. It's sobering. It's scary. And it's not what any of us wants for ourselves or our loved ones. Let this be a lesson to all of us. Let's keep supporting each other as we seek to control the place that "drink" has in our lives. And I pray that none of us ever reaches this point. The sadness is beyond measure.

Vera-b.

[Carmac]

Rain in my heart

I agree....I would like to see this thread be a sticky....especially directed to newbies. Wonder how that could be done? Do we send a note to RJ?

[livingfree]

Rain in my heart

Wow - a must see for everyone

[startingover]

Rain in my heart

Oh Marbella, you have just made me cry with that story of your friend. When you tried to help by talking to his family, I could see both sides of the story (me and my dad) but it is just so heartbreaking to see really nice people (which usually they are) suffering so much. You did what you could hon, which is so much more than most people.

[startingover]

Rain in my heart

WIP, thanks for the info about brain damage. I guess most of us have got off very lightly thankfully......