How To Find Out WHY

[WaitingToExhale]

poof

[shelbysmiles]

How To Find Out WHY

I know why I turned to booze. I never felt comfortable in my own skin. Very simple actually. But it has caused so much hurt for me.

I don't know how you find out why. For me it was always quite clear. I hope you can find your answers.

[startingover]

How To Find Out WHY

I know why I turned to booze. I never felt comfortable in my own skin. Very simple actually. But it has caused so much hurt for me.

That is exactly the same for me too Shelby

[louise]

How To Find Out WHY

I can come up with lists of "why" but they don't really explain it because other people go through similar or much worse things and don't drink because of it.

[Doggygirl]

How To Find Out WHY

Hi Waiting. I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but I have sure given a lot of thought to the question you pose.

"Why" I drank way back when I first started drinking is different than "why" I drank more recently before I stopped drinking - after 30 years of drinking.

I'm sure the "why" at 18 or 25 years old included things like... to fit in, to relax, to loosen up, etc. etc. etc.

When I finally got totally honest with myself, the "why" in recent years was because I am addicted to alcohol. My brain wants a fix of alcohol. The "voice" in my head will come up with all kinds of justifications - "we did good! let's have a drink to celebrate!" "We're sad! Let's have a drink to feel better!" etc. etc. But all of that is just "noise" covering up the bottom line - I'm an addict and I want a fix.

Once I figured that part out, it made it a lot easier to just accept the fact that I can't drink - that is unless I want to keep making myself miserable in the ball and chain of booze.

Best wishes to you,

DG

[nancy]

How To Find Out WHY

Because alcohol initially has calming and feel-good effects, flooding your brain with feel-good chemicals. It's a very attractive sedative for people with mental health issues. But obviously in excess, it's disastrous. one of the members, i think boss.man has written about the brain chemical effects.

[Cinders]

How To Find Out WHY

DG,

I am right with you. I drank early on for "fun" and it was fun. I relaxed, I had good company, we laughed.

I seldom, if ever, got really drunk and I don't recall ever having hangovers until the last few years.

Today, I am a true alcoholic. I am addicted to alcohol. It is a drug my body thinks it "needs." I drink to stop the shakes, to get over the last binge, to deal with that little voice in my head saying "come on, give me what I need." It will do that in the most devious ways.

Today I am sober and over the physical cravings but the part of the brain that thinks it needs the alcohol still whispers. It will probably do that the rest of my life. Today I am so happy to be sober that when that voice whispers, I laugh it off because I love being sober a whole lot more than I hate not being able to drink.

Love,
Cindi

[bloggy]

How To Find Out WHY

Although in Allen Carr's Control Alcohol book there is stuff that doesn't resonate with me, I think the why does.

We are bombarded with propaganda about the delightful effects of alcohol from the day we are born- no wonder we cant wait to try it.

Then depending on circumstances (where you live, friends, job, family) your drinking may progress faster than at a normal rate and before we know it we are hooked simply because alcohol is a very addictive drug. (I began working in bars at the age of 16- we were expected to drink).

My childhood wasn't perfect, who's was? But as Louise says many people have a lot worse stuff and they dont do it.

[beatle]

How To Find Out WHY

DG, Shelby, Cindi, everyone, I am so with you. I have to convince my body now-- No!

I am taking Antabuse and still I want to drink! What is wrong with this body!

We have to become comfortable in our own skin, don't we... that is the only way.

[Sunbeam]

How To Find Out WHY

You are assuming there is a heavy emotional "why". As Doggie Girl explains it, that may not be the case. Your body chemistry may just be such that once you have consumed a certain amount over time, you become addicted. Others might consume a similar amount and not become addicted. We all have reasons we can find for drinking, and that first glass feels great. But then alcohol turns into a monster which we have to fight for our lives.

[Zeppie2]

How To Find Out WHY

Great topic WTE, I was just pondering this one myself.

The first time I went to the dr. he was asking me all these questions (which I found out later when doing internet research that he was basically reading the alcohol dependant questionaire verbatim). Was I bored? No. Was I lonely? No Was I stressed? No.

I began drinking as a young adult like everybody else and I too think I am just purely addicted to alcohol. I easily get addicted to everything (thank goodness I didn't pursue heavy drugs). I got addicted to coca-cola once, I used to have one small bottle for breakfast on the way to work, and hey presto, the day I was running late and didn't have time to get my fix, I suffered from withdrawals (although now I truely know the feeling of wickedly frightening withdrawals).

So with me there was no trigger that caused me to become an alcoholic (my grandfather was an alcoholic and I have read that it may be slightly genetic, but the rest of my family can handle their alcohol).

I always thought I had better find the cause of my alcoholism before I tried stopping again, but truly I don't think there is one.

[vera-b]

How To Find Out WHY

Hi WTE,
Very interesting thread. I, too, have wondered the "why" behind years of drinking. As Cindi and everyone else has said, that why has changed over the years. I know the brain chemistry deal was in high gear before I went to the Dr. for a rx to help with the addiction.

However, what I don't understand is that once you've cut way back or gone AF, why does the demon AL still beckon? What is in my head that is not in the mindset of a true social drinker who doesn't even THINK about drinking, nevermind ever have too much? And why are we so jealous of them? And to make matters more complicated, we're all so different that there's no answer "out there." We see glimplses of ourselves in others, but never the real answers. Perhaps this is something we're meant to discover on our sobriety journey. Perhaps we'll never know. But we keep plugging away regardless. Here's to self discovery!

Vera-b.

[sami]

How To Find Out WHY

What a fascinating thread! I have pondered the "why" of my problem so many times....Why can't I drink like a "normal" person? Why am I smart and strong enough to do certain things, but not realize when I'm becoming an addict, a drunk?
I've been through lots of justifications...."I was so unhappy for so long that I 'deserve' this now." "By golly, I've lived other people's lives and not I'll drink if I damn well please!" For a while, a huge trigger for me was my son being in the marines in Fallujah. Whenever I'd see on the news about another death, I'd head straight for the bottle. But now, as others have said, the "why" doesn't matter. I drink b/c I'm addicted. B/C I can't imagine life without it.
I kinda wonder if the bottom line is we have to ultimately take responsibility for every drink we take, regardless of why we take it. It's still our choice, and a choice that leads us away from an inspiring future.

[vera-b]

How To Find Out WHY

Sami,

Beautiful post. Hope your son is back from Iraq. You are dead on - it's a choice that keeps us from our inspiring future. Going to tack that one up. Thank you.

Vera-b.

[Doggygirl]

How To Find Out WHY

Way more important to me now than any "whys" that caused me to choose drinking is how to make 100% sure that I never drink again.

Much of my most recent searching within has to do with increasing my security in my sobriety if that makes any sense.

In case this helps anyone, I have totally given up being envious of people who choose to drink. (and it's always a choice - might be a difficult choice, but still a choice) There is SO much negative that drinking has brought to my life that I am simply not envious A.T. A.L.L. of any drinkers - even the ones like my husband who can have two beers a year (or none) and be quite happy with that.

I don't think we can ever get free if we hang onto wishing we can drink. At least I couldn't get free while I clung to that fantasy...

DG
Day 96 AFHF