Help, I am a wreck

[dexterhead]

Help, I am a wreck

Thanks to all of you. I am embarrassed to be such a mess. It has been way too long for me to still be such a raw wound over this. Part of it was that he sent such a kind, thoughtful e-mail (I have specified that's the only kind of contact I want) and it reminded me of the sweet, gentle guy he was through most of our marriage. Not the angry head-case he was in the last year of it. He has been through tons of therapy to help with his terrible demons, and now I think, I went through the shit, and she gets him on the other side.?
Plus, since the divorce, he's been getting himself better and falling in love, while I've remained a drinking mess, gained so much weight I'm barely recognizable. And it makes me more caught than ever in my circle of self-loathing.
In the last 3 years I went through so many losses, not just the divorce, but a nasty firing and 9 months of unemployment, loss of my furry sweetie in an hideous accident, buncha other stuff. Talking to my mom today about all this, she said, "oh, but you've handled all your misfortunes so well!" I said, what do you mean? What else could I do but keep on keeping on, other than suicide? She said, "well, a lot of people might have turned to drink." She has no idea of my problem ... I am burning up with shame. That's exactly what I did do ...

[tlrgs]

Help, I am a wreck

hi there dex i have seen you thur all or most of your ups and downs ..just keep on trying girl.. you can do this and maybe its time to move forward and dont try to inpress anyone but yourself ..and do it for yourself this time around .. you sound like a very smart girl keep your head up and dont look back .. stay strong and think positive .. i we love you girl

[vera-b]

Help, I am a wreck

Hi Dexter,

What a great deal of misfortune you've had to deal with! If I were in your shoes, I'd probably shout out to the universe ENOUGH!! I will no longer be a victim. I deserve more. I deserve a life of happiness and it's gonna start RIGHT NOW. And in order to see all the happiness and fulfillment coming to me, I'm going to be sober so that I don't miss a precious moment. And I'm going to journal my progress, so that I can relive those happy moments frequently. And without all those stupid calories in booze, I'll lose 5 pounds without even trying. Shoot, I'm feeling so empowered I'll even give exercise a go. Or add a mile to my run. The universe will know there's a new me in town, and the positive energy will be palpable.

A fairy tale? Possibly. But maybe not. I think you have some wonderful things in store for you. I just hope I get to read about them on these posts - nothing would be more fun. Here's hoping for you!

Vera-b.

[Theme2be]

Help, I am a wreck

Most precious, Dexter, dearest Munich head~

At present, in the circle of what is to "gain", is that you are you, without the house. You are as bright, meaningfull, and to be loved
as y o u are love.
One can get the "house", yet, what creates a home is another scenerio.

The circle of self loathing is a detour. It is not complete.
It is a continuous no thing.
It is a no nothing of a gathering of road blocks that just wish to stop the destination that is so true.

You are true.
You are truely, a circle that surrounds with a presence.
In many a dark hour, there was the "weight" of your words, representing what home is as my soul longs .

There have been moments where as I felt I was not healing.
I recently injured a much needed finger( I know, that sounds suggestive
Yet, I continued on and as much as I felt the discomfort, the miracle of natue was in process and "suddenly", I was in a new moment.

Tend to your wounds.
Let the medicine of the words before you seep in like a healing balm.

Keep on, keeping on, being you, most important~

[nancy]

Help, I am a wreck

Hey Dexterhead

What your mother said is right, that drink is something a lot of people in your situation would turn to, but that doesn't make it right.

I don't know how people in life get by with so many unfair situations to deal with. And i don't know how booze got to be an acceptable way of dealing with problems at some points and in some cultures, given how damaging it is.

I can say after two years on this site I am really wising up to how dumb it is to drink when I am emotionally upset. I am starting to think if I truly want to be able to moderate, I would drink at any other time aside from emotional upset or an isolated period.

How much support are you giving yourself in all this I wonder? Sometimes the best thing if you are emotionally upset is to email a friend for support, or call them, or take a hot bath.

I think most people on this site are in their 30s and older. You can only fool yourself so long, given that the supposed cure for emotional problems makes them all worse. We all get wise to that.

[dexterhead]

Help, I am a wreck

Thank you all so very much for your thoughts. I cannot stop crying. I don't know why I cannot heal. The idea of even dating again and opening myself up to the prospect of that kind of pain is still beyond me. I appreciate your thoughts ever so much. I am 45 and right now I feel I have little future, but you have all given me a bit of hope.

[gyco]

Help, I am a wreck

trust me we can indure a lot,your still ritin things down,dang thts a blessing in its self,you have found a home ,with people that care,that will ispire you onto better things, all you have to do is come here and share and listen,once you gwt pumped enuff will never be able to keep you quiet,isnt it nc to be some where someone REALLY,understands and cares,neat eh,they made a poet out of me,and you can even have fun gyco

[greeneyes]

Help, I am a wreck

Kittyhead........ I've been thinking of you. I left you a message. Please call me. Why don't you go back to your 7/12 post "20 things you like about yourself " and read over it a couple times? Give yourself a big hug from me. Green bean

[Zeppie2]

Help, I am a wreck

Hey Dex, sorry to hear things are so crappy for you at the moment.
By reading through the posts on this thread I think most of us are in the divorced club.

I know how hard it is to loose the man you love, it actually is worse in my case because my ex, who I adored for six years doesn't want to be with anybody else, he just doesn't want to be with me!!!

I started drinking heavily again a year into our relationship and we parted company a year ago and I have continued getting hammered all day every day since, or at least until last Saturday when I hit rock bottom.

As I lay in my bed off my chops, cursing the world, my ex, my employers who sent me home because I was plastered at work, my electricity company that keeps sending me reminder notices and just won't leave me alone!, the telephone company that cut my phone off last week and then had the audacity to charge me a reconnection fee, the credit card company that keeps phoning me to tell me my card is way over it's limit, I THOUGHT, hang on there's two common denominators in this equation, ME and ALCOHOL.

You mentioned the other day you might try to come on the 30 days hath september with the rest of us, PLEASE JOIN ME, I know we will have tough times but with all of the great people here on this site I'm sure we can give it a good go.

What do you say????

[lukalee]

Help, I am a wreck

Oh Dexterfoot, I love you so. Even though your heart is breaking so, you don't want to be with him. They are far, far away. She should feel worse about moving into that house, because in reality, it was another woman's home before hers. Pick yourself up, get your ass out of the pit, and start making a new life for yourself!!!! It won't kill you to go on a date or two. You don't have to fall in love with the first man you meet, just have a little fun.
Love ya dear heart.

[skootiemom]

Help, I am a wreck

Dexter,

I have to agree with Sammys and Luckalee. First off, never assume his happiness... looks can be decieving... as your mother pointed out that you have 'appeared' to have handled everything so well. When my first husband left, I was a wreck- he had a new girlfriend, much younger, pregnant, his dream job, etc... several months later it all fell apart and to this day he has not ever really recovered from the biggest mistake of his life. Not that you should wish him ill will- just know, at our age, nothing is at it seems...

Secondly, as per Luckalee... get sober and get even ( wink) by becoming the fabuolus person that I know you can be.... 45 is nothing, as I am right behind you- it's the start of the second half- GO FOR IT! Channel your negative thoughts and self image and saddeness for your loss(es) and envision a gorgeous, fit, healthy, put together gal dropping off a gracious wedding gift to the poor sod... should not be hard to think of what might go well in your, ahem... 'their' home... ( double wink)!

Hang in there sister!

Skoots

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Help, I am a wreck

Hi Dexter,

Your posts really made me think. I know you can overcome this, just take it one step at a time. Read the signature line on your posts again. You can do this :l

Luvya,

Myheart

[KatieSmiles]

Help, I am a wreck

Dex
Breathe, honey, breathe.

I feel your pain, my ex dumped me like garbage after 23 yrs together for his online lover, less than 2 years ago.

I am still rocked by the whole thing. I suffered a couple more big losses after he left. My drinking went through the roof!

Have you tried Prozac? The stuff is wierd, I couldn't cry when on it, even when having a really sad moment, I would think " oh I feel so sad " and 'poof' the moment was gone. I was on it a little over a year and it helped me a great deal.

Anyway, you are going through a process, must be done your own way, on your own time, it will get better, I promise.

By the way I'm 48, my drinking has been cut down to a dull roar, thanks to my friends on this site!
Also I might even try dating for the first time in, ummm 25 or so years. Crazy! (that thought freaking scares me to death)


Try to stay positive Dex
Onward and upward!

K

[Ripple]

Help, I am a wreck

Hello Dex...it's me Ripple!!! If this is any help to you, let him move on. What sounds like happiness for the X will become another X for someone else sooner than you think!!! :l

Being upset is understandable, although you cannot beat yourself up .... give it time, their marriage may not last long. She is getting left-overs anyways. Yup...

Be safe, strong, and remember you can always come here and be loved!!!! :l:h

[dexterhead]

Help, I am a wreck

Oh my friends, you have saved my life, each and every one of you who responded. What would I do without you?
How is it possible that my very best friend through most of my adult life has become a creepy creature who is probably about to marry a very young blond
I don't know how to cope with this ... I feel like I am as fragile as an eggshell. I constantly feel that I am a open wound.
I know I need more therapy. I love all of you.