Hi, I am new here and at first was reluctant to post. I have somehow managed to make it to day 5, but feel absolutely shite.
I am usually full of energy..happy-go-lucky, a very functioning alcoholic...ie.. hold adown a responsible job, dedicated to sport, run a home etc.. but right now, I feel shakey, foggy, totally exhausted and have no motivation what so ever to do anything.
I had a good period of sobrierty not long ago, but stupidly picked up a drink again, after being in, well...'bad company'. I am not blaming this person, it's just there's only so many times my personality can resist, before thinking 'what the hell'. My drinking has got worse and worse. It's true what they say.. if you pick up again, you don't go back to the beginning, you take up where you left off, and it's all down hill from there. So here I am. Day 5. I can barely lift my head off the pillow, feel dizzy and an emotional wreck. I suffer badly with depression (like many of us here, seem to), and after a real 'high, happy..even hyper episode', have hit a major low. I am at the point of thinking ...do I, or don't I, shall I, or shan't I (buy any). I don't want to, and I do want to. It's such a struggle. Do I abstain, and go out of my mind resenting the fact I can't have, what temporarily makes me so happy, or do I give in and have it anyway, and see where it takes me.
Most of my friends are away at the moment, and AA is just one big pity party to me right now. I am just venting here right now. It's just I know I am in danger of giving in. I have to go to the supermarket in a little while to get some essentials, and I don't know whether I will be able to avoid 'that isle'. Well, thanks to anyone who reads this. Just typing it helps.
Oh, and a big [b]BIG THANKYOU to 'startingover' for the 'rain in my heart' thread. That kick started my 5 days! Guess I should go look there again.
thanx - best wishes,step
I am usually full of energy..happy-go-lucky, a very functioning alcoholic...ie.. hold adown a responsible job, dedicated to sport, run a home etc.. but right now, I feel shakey, foggy, totally exhausted and have no motivation what so ever to do anything.
I had a good period of sobrierty not long ago, but stupidly picked up a drink again, after being in, well...'bad company'. I am not blaming this person, it's just there's only so many times my personality can resist, before thinking 'what the hell'. My drinking has got worse and worse. It's true what they say.. if you pick up again, you don't go back to the beginning, you take up where you left off, and it's all down hill from there. So here I am. Day 5. I can barely lift my head off the pillow, feel dizzy and an emotional wreck. I suffer badly with depression (like many of us here, seem to), and after a real 'high, happy..even hyper episode', have hit a major low. I am at the point of thinking ...do I, or don't I, shall I, or shan't I (buy any). I don't want to, and I do want to. It's such a struggle. Do I abstain, and go out of my mind resenting the fact I can't have, what temporarily makes me so happy, or do I give in and have it anyway, and see where it takes me.
Most of my friends are away at the moment, and AA is just one big pity party to me right now. I am just venting here right now. It's just I know I am in danger of giving in. I have to go to the supermarket in a little while to get some essentials, and I don't know whether I will be able to avoid 'that isle'. Well, thanks to anyone who reads this. Just typing it helps.
Oh, and a big [b]BIG THANKYOU to 'startingover' for the 'rain in my heart' thread. That kick started my 5 days! Guess I should go look there again.
thanx - best wishes,step
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