last night my husband turned to me and said "you know, you're doing alot better this time than the last time you did this".
i've done the 30 days before, the standard classic way. the aa meetings and counseling sessions. and my first reaction to his comment was to get defensive (cause i'm in my crabby stage) and said "yeah, well, maybe cause this time i've got the supplements and the topamax and the cds etc". but then i started to think about it. why am i doing so much better this time? i mean, last time wasn't horrid, i did 30 days, wasn't the most agonizing climb of my life, but there was something about it that didn't work. i just didn't buy into it. i couldn't get past standing up in front of a bunch of strangers announcing i was an alcoholic. couldn't get past meeting once a week, every monday at 8pm, and listening to alot of people that i just could not relate to at all. couldn't get past holding hands at the end and saying a prayer about being powerless. it was always said that the group was there to support one another but it never really felt that way to me. so i did the 30 days and that was the end of it.
now i am doing the 30 again but with this group. and yes, i know the supplements are helping and the CDs too. but i think what makes the real difference is this forum. i come when i want or not. tell the truth and get the truth back, always gently. never asked to pray, never asked to claim i am powerless - just the opposite in fact, never even asked my real name. i don't ever feel judged and don't get that heavy sensation of other people's expectations hovering over me. this setting allows me to let my defenses down, which in turn, allows me to REALLY LISTEN to other people who have good advise.
i am so glad to have found this forum, and a group of people who, no matter how different our backgrounds, i can really relate to. said my peace, on to the next 7 days of 30.....:yay:
i've done the 30 days before, the standard classic way. the aa meetings and counseling sessions. and my first reaction to his comment was to get defensive (cause i'm in my crabby stage) and said "yeah, well, maybe cause this time i've got the supplements and the topamax and the cds etc". but then i started to think about it. why am i doing so much better this time? i mean, last time wasn't horrid, i did 30 days, wasn't the most agonizing climb of my life, but there was something about it that didn't work. i just didn't buy into it. i couldn't get past standing up in front of a bunch of strangers announcing i was an alcoholic. couldn't get past meeting once a week, every monday at 8pm, and listening to alot of people that i just could not relate to at all. couldn't get past holding hands at the end and saying a prayer about being powerless. it was always said that the group was there to support one another but it never really felt that way to me. so i did the 30 days and that was the end of it.
now i am doing the 30 again but with this group. and yes, i know the supplements are helping and the CDs too. but i think what makes the real difference is this forum. i come when i want or not. tell the truth and get the truth back, always gently. never asked to pray, never asked to claim i am powerless - just the opposite in fact, never even asked my real name. i don't ever feel judged and don't get that heavy sensation of other people's expectations hovering over me. this setting allows me to let my defenses down, which in turn, allows me to REALLY LISTEN to other people who have good advise.
i am so glad to have found this forum, and a group of people who, no matter how different our backgrounds, i can really relate to. said my peace, on to the next 7 days of 30.....:yay:
Comment